In law family have become so closed off and so have we and it’s so boring

[tookmeoutofmy]

Has anyone else had a shift like this ? I used to be very open/ honest / say it as it is/ open about what’s happening in my life.

I noticed in laws used some info against me a few times / were not very sympathetic while expecting a lot of sympathy back.

so I just stopped being open and honest and authentic with them as I don’t feel they really deserve that, after many times of being let down etc.

they’ve also stopped sharing anything meaningful and it’s just so boring spending time together. It’s fake and forced and superficial.

I am dreading spending the Christmas period with them. It’s just so boring.

is that just family ahah?

Why are you spending Christmas with them? It doesn’t sound enjoyable for either side.

It’s family. If we don’t do it, it’s a declaration of war

Agreed, my MIL has always been a bit mean, judgemental etc but it was less noticeable as she curbed it, but as she’s aged she’s now ramped it up and is actively horrible and says really nasty things. FIL is an enabler. It started getting worse when we had kids but perhaps that just lines up with that age where people get less all Encompassing and more where they revert to type. We used to socialise with them frequently and enjoy it,
now we rarely see them as MIL is just blatantly rude and FIL enables it. We’ve had rows over the years but we’re at the ‘grey rock’ phase, and leave early if MIL is a cow

i became a lot less close to my MIL after similar stuff - we used to spend Christmas together. Now as a family, we either only see them with other people to take the pressure off, (ie, invite my sister / cousins at the same time) or we meet them out and about somewhere so there’s something distracting to talk about. It has made things so much better.

Just limit your time with them, organise some activities that preclude much chat, and steer clear of any sensitive topics.

Surely you can do that for a day or two.