Parents buying for randoms and expecting me to be eternally grateful

29 replies

Jokethecoalwoman · 22/12/2025 06:35

I'm just looking for opinions here, as I find my parents behaviour odd but maybe it's perfectly reasonable and average.

My parents buy presents for quite random people - this year they've mentioned buying for a neighbour's grandchildren. When I asked if they're nice they said they've never met them.

I mean if they want to buy presents for people they've never met fair enough. But they expect me to be thrilled by it when I just think it's odd.

They are very "you give to receive"orientated and pretty obsessed about giving presents to anyone who's ever done anything for them. For example when a friend gave me some hand me down baby clothes my mum insisted I buy her a scented candle in return. I've given loads of kids clothes away and never even thought about getting something back in return.

Christmas cards too - they have not stopped going on about whether or not I have given a Christmas card to a relative I never see. I haven't. But because they have given one to us my parents think I should be eternally filled with gratitude and can't get their heads around the audacity of me not sending one to them.

This all sounds minor and it is....but they go on about it constantly.
And my mum can be very huffy about such things.
I know the "we give strangers presents"/"great auntie didn't get a card from you" situation will be brought up on Christmas day.

So AIBU to think giving random neighbours grandkids you've never met and to be offended about who I haven't given a Christmas card to is strange?

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BauhausOfEliott · 22/12/2025 11:34

For example when a friend gave me some hand me down baby clothes my mum insisted I buy her a scented candle in return.

I think the issue here isn't so much that your mum thinks people should reciprocate every favour with a gift, but that she still thinks she can make you do things even though you're a grown woman.

Original poster

Jokethecoalwoman · 22/12/2025 11:36

BauhausOfEliott · 22/12/2025 11:34

For example when a friend gave me some hand me down baby clothes my mum insisted I buy her a scented candle in return.

I think the issue here isn't so much that your mum thinks people should reciprocate every favour with a gift, but that she still thinks she can make you do things even though you're a grown woman.

That's very true. And if I don't, she goes all huffy.

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JMSA · 22/12/2025 18:49

Jokethecoalwoman · 22/12/2025 11:08

Thanks everyone who's replied.

Lots of you have said it's a generational thing and I'll try to keep that in mind when they go on about the presents they've bought for random kids they haven't met and how much they care about Christmas cards. It seems alien to me, but they are in their 60s so maybe this was common at one point.

To answer another couple of questions - they're not from Glasgow but close!
And they are good parents, although very obsessional about certain things and extremely judgemental.

Good God woman, are you describing my father?!
A Paisley/Glasgow man with an obsessive personality type, generous to a fault but also judgy 😅

Original poster

Jokethecoalwoman · 23/12/2025 18:28

UPDATE!!!!!

My parents BROUGHT a card to my house and said "Give this to your Aunt and Uncle. You can't NOT get them a card." And they stood hovering around. My dad said "sign it now, it's not a big deal." I said "I know it's not a big deal, that's why I didn't bother." My mum looked furious. And ....I signed it. I am so so angry....with myself.

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