Would you feel “mum guilt” for this?

[Tiredboymum22]

A mum at toddler group was complaining that her sister dresses her toddler in hand-me-downs while she wears designer clothes.

I don’t know the full story. I don’t know whether this lady asks family for clothes whilst she buys herself designer tracksuits… if she does I can understand their frustration. But it sounds to me like her sister just dresses her toddler in character clothes or secondhand clothes while she wears sport brands.

I personally buy a lot of secondhand clothes for myself and my ds (2 & 6) but I will get the odd tattoo and treat myself at the hairdressers. All their clothes fit, are weather appropriate, no stains or holes. I personally like character clothing and bright colours over Nike or Adidas, but if my kids ever tell me they want to wear brands I’d accommodate that.

A lot of the toddlers/kids at that group are kitted up in brand new clothes while their mums live in leggings. Felt a twinge of mum guilt even though my kids always look tidy (ish).

I think it’s commendable that they put their kids first, but I don’t think it’s something we should judge other mums over. Not when it comes to toddlers who get their clothes absolutely stinking anyway.

Just wondering if it’s something you’d secretly judge other mums for?

No. Better for the wallet, better for the environment. More likely to judge the other way.

I honestly do not care what other children or their parents wear, as long as everything that needs to is covered and noone smells

Makes sense to me. Why spend money on toddler clothes if you are happy with second hand. Toddler doesn’t care.

Presumably mum doesn’t grow out of hers in a few months and also manages to eat tomato pasta without covering her clothes in it.

If cared for, it makes no difference.

OMG pre-schoolers (and often beyond) grow out of their clothes at lightning speed and/or trash them. 2nd hand all the way!

As long as everyone is fed and warm I don’t see an issue.
I buy everything I can on Vinted for myself and my kids. I try to buy good quality brands second hand. For messy days, they wear cheap supermarket stuff. However, I do invest in decent pieces for myself because I’m likely to be able to wear a jumper or coat for a lot longer than a child is! So I guess if you saw me coming home from work having collected my son from nursery you’d think his clothes were of a lesser quality, but I’m not buying brand new quality clothes for messy play at nursery! And I’m not wearing scruffy clothes to work.
So yeah I really don’t think it matters as long as the child is appropriately dressed

And they'll have outgrown them in approximately 6minutes anyway.

Total waste of time buying expensive brands new for toddlers they grow out of them in three seconds flat and they’re usually getting food or mud on them anyway.

i never wore anything expensive when I had toddlers either as they usually managed to get the mud/food in me as well so not worth it at all.

We did each have a “Sunday best” posh clothes for weddings and the like.

As others have said I wouldnt judge, I buy much of my childrens clothing second hand for the same reasons mentioned, they have grown out of it super quick and they end up stained through playing in park, falling onto knees or food spillages. I on the other hand would buy a new jumper and wear it for years.

No, and the made up concept of mum guilt can get in the fucking sea.

I judge them. If their toddler is wearing nice designer clothes when I know their parents cannot afford it, it bothers me. Growing up, my family always had money worries and it impacted us because we worried about it too and we saw how much it stressed our parents. I admire parents who are careful with their money now so they can provide for their family in the future.

Yup I’m a reverse snob in this instance; massive judgement on anyone who dresses their kids head to toe in designer / matchy / insta worthy outfits.

I judge the other way around: babies and toddlers in stupidly expensive or impractical outfits. Like 6-week-old babies in jeans and trainers. Bonkers.

Of course I buy ‘nicer’ clothes for myself because I don’t shit on them and grow out of them in a month.

Literally wouldn't notice unless dirty/smelly/not warm enough. I'm more likely to judge if a kid is in a t shirt and the parents wrapped in a jacket and scarf.

As long as children are wearing clean, comfortable, weather appropriate, in tact clothes with no holes/stains etc, it’s fine. I used to dress mine in cheap new clothes- supermarkets/Primark etc.

For toddlers, spending a fortune on their clothes isn't putting the child first, it's putting projecting an image first. What they need are comfortable clothes, reasonably clean and intact, suitable to the weather and their activities. Nothing else helps the child in any way.

Buying good quality, comfortable and washable clothes for your eldest is smart. Your subsequent children can wear them, as can friends or cousins.

It's better to buy decent quality fabric that will work for lots of children than thin cheap tat that's basically disposable. Sam Vines Boot theory in action

My dcs clothes are usually secondhand and tbh I'm not even bothered if they have holes or stains, they still do the job of keeping them warm and covered! I know some rich parents who splurge on expensive brands and it baffles me, but they can definitely afford it and as a fraction of their income it's probably less than what I spend on mine. It was amusing when they'd complain in the nursery Whatsapp about not being able to get paint and mud stains out though.

I do wear fairly cheap clothes for myself though as they tend to get messed up quickly when you're playing and painting with a toddler.

Yes, if your baby isn’t head to toe Burberry Bébé, preferably with a giant frilly head bow in that Burberry check, you’re dead to me.

Kids grow so fast that second hand clothes make total sense. I’m not growing, so buying more expensive clothes that will last for years also makes total sense.

I genuinely couldn't give a toss what other people dress their children in as long as it's clean and comfortable!

Absolutely no mum guilt here. I wouldn’t say I’m walking about in design clothes but I do try and buy good quality clothes that will last and definitely spend more on my clothes than my kids. Also I’m not wiping spag Bol on my top, rolling about in the mud at the park or falling every 5 minutes taking the knees out of every pair of trousers I own. My children have a mix of new and second hand clothes but none of it is particularly expensive, they grow out of it too quickly and ruin clothes too often for me to justify anything else.

We’re objectively quite wealthy and I can probably count on one hand the number of new items of clothing we’ve bought our kids.

Personally I have better things to think about than branded clothes for my kids. I’ve always been a comfort first kind of person.

We have a few brands - we are not poor, but get gifts, charity shops or buy during sales (for me and the kids) and I’ve always had categories of clothes - going out, messy and home, Fancy stuff.

I come from a background considered working class, and I have found that my family members that have blue collar jobs make such a fuss about putting their kids in designer clothes - Burberry shirts for a 2 year old, a 4 year old with a mini Gucci bag; latest trainers and trackies - they are usually on benefits or on a low wage. I find my friends that have more of a “working” lifestyle (who some might call middle class) really don’t care - as long as our kids look half decent are healthy and clean(ish - as clean as they can be when you can’t control the boogies and chocolates they dip their hands into) - comfort and weather appropriate first (again I am saying this based on my family and friends - so not generalising as it may be different out there).

I think what I want to highlight - is that there isn’t a right or wrong, but social circles really do influence some of these things.

I end up feeling bad when I’m at a family do (especially as family are judgy) - my DD might be in a good looking second hand, new with tags hollister dress; and my cousins kid is the same age with a mini LBD, Gucci bag and fake eye lashes. Once my DD came back from a family do crying because she thought she didn’t fit in (she wore a cute baby doll bring pink dress, she was about 7, and all her cousins were dressed like 16 year olds) - and I had to remind her that when she is older, she can dress how she wants, but in our household, this is our “clothing culture”

Then I’ll go to a children’s party with the school mums and all the kids are in leggings and a jumper - because they all do sport and live in loungewear and nobody cares. But the kids stand out less and it’s about having a good time as opposed to a fashion show.

But there is a difference between a child dressing in scruffy close and looking neglected.