How would you deal with this?

[ThatRealLurker]

For context my husband works two jobs, o work part time and do all the housework, grocery shopping, everything to do with the kids etc. I pay bills, most of my wages go on bills I have around d £100 left out of my wages. I have raised the subject of increasing hours at work but my DH just says then it will impact the kids and he can’t do for them what I do.

Onto This morning, I don’t know if I’m in the wrong here. My DH can have trouble waking up, if he needs to be up by a certain time he will ask me to wake him up. He didn’t ask me to this morning as I was meant to be out this AM with our son at football, he didn’t know it had been cancelled, so should have set an alarm. We don’t know until this AM it wasn’t going ahead.
around 10:15 I popped my head into the bedroom and asked what time he was getting up, he replied I’m already up, leave the door open as in our bedroom door to let the light in. I then went made a cup of tea for him, and set about sorting our daughters bedroom out. Around 30 mins later I suddenly realised Id not heard him. I went back in and he’d fallen back asleep I woke him and asked why he wasn’t up yet. He said I am and asked the time. When I told him the time he went mad, asked why I’d not woke him up. I replied I did wake you and you said you were awake.
He then started banging around the house, throwing things round in the bathroom and banging something loudly repeatedly in anger. This went on until he’d left for work. It’s not the first time he has behaved in this manner, aggressively banging or throwing things.
Nothing was broken or damaged today, in the past he’s dented the wall slightly kicking a basket in anger. The younger kids were occupied upstairs so they didn’t see him but our older son did. It didn’t upset him, he just went back to his room and continued watching TV.
it made me feel sick and my heart was pounding until he left for work and I was on edge for a while after. I had a traumatic childhood and times a stepparent would behave like this and it’s brought back lots of anxiety from them.
So I want to get others take on this, is this a tired man, and I should have kept checking he was awake or is this unacceptable? I feel it is but then doubt myself and think maybe I should have done more. Be gentle please, I want honest feedback but gently.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Of course he's totally unreasonable - it's up to him to get himself up and out the house if he's got work. But what worries me is the violence - I think you need to have a long hard think about the relationship. At the moment it's things he's throwing around (although that's bad enough), I'm am sorry but this usually escalates to the partner. I would strongly advise you leave this man because it won't get better.

I don’t know how to answer poll.

Yes, this is a ‘tired man’, as you asked. Please note you and I have both used the word MAN. He is a grown man who is capable of setting an alarm, and being responsible for his own waking.
Sounds like you woke him at 10:30(!) in a very lovely way (as my Mum did when I was a teenager). He then behaved liked a teenager at 11.

I cannot get up in the mornings. I'm terrible and have often had to ask my DH to wake me up. There has been many times when he's forgot or hasn't been able to and I would never ever blame him. It's not his responsibility and it's not fair to put it on anyone else. It's my problem and I know that.

He behaved like a child, an extremely badly behaved child. Why on earth should a grown man need someone waking him up in the morning and repeatedly checking on him? Serious words need to be had as it’s totally unacceptable.

I woukd just do what everybody else does, set the alarm in his phone for every minute. It drives u mad after five minutes and you get up.

If he's working 2 jobs (how many hours and when?) he probably is tired and stressed but that still doesn't make it your responsibility to wake him and check on him etc and it's still not acceptable for him to crash about in anger.
You need to talk to him about all of this. Is him working 2 jobs going to be ongoing?

Your husband’s behaviour is not normal and it’s unacceptable in a relationship. I would be scared in a situation like this. Sounds like he’s out of control.

Thanks for the replies, the 2 jobs is for a year. He was made redundant early this year, these jobs were to make up the wages and he has commitments he wants to keep up. He pays for two of his nieces school fees who live abroad, and send money to his mum every month. I’ve spoken to him so many times to say prioritise sleep and you need more rest etc. The second job is self employed so picks his own hours. He just says ok, then works too many hours, ignoring what I’ve said basically.

Have you spoken to your older son about what went on this morning?