I know I must not be a barrel of laughs to live with all the time. I’ve been struggling this festive period I tried really hard to be as accommodating as I could be and I feel it’s all been thrown in my face literally. Sorry this is long but where else but the internet to speak …
(1) OH started a new job in November after being made redundant I came up with an intricate childcare plan (thank you grandparents) to support his need for increased in office working with my job that needs in week travel (4 hour round trip). he fell out with. MIL and threatened to throw the whole plan out the window I was stressed.
(2) After two weeks he went on a pre planned 10 day trip to Australia ( for pleasure). I stayed and looked after the kids. My mum cane for the first week that was nice.
(3) When I got back he had a whole string of evening social events/travel delays that had him out the house.
(4) he then went on a four day pre planned trip to Spain (for pleasure) he got the flight times wrong meaning I missed my Christmas party. I said it was okay I didn’t want to go - maybe I didn’t …
(5) he then got into another overseas running event next year which he booked and paid for flights and hotel without asking if that was okay or what we would do (it’s in school term time)
(6) he said he would take me out this weekend and do the kids weekend logistics. He got in at 2am on Saturday morning. Was too hungover to drive to swimmming we all went he criticised the swimming progress made of my eldest in front of her. He then asked where we going today he hadn’t planned anything. I had suggested a festive lunch and a national trust walk in the week he just said everything he would suggest would be wrong and I was just crushed. I’ve had no fun things this December. I followed the kids round tidying up after them all day. I went out to get some tea (I needed the break) I got back my youngest was asleep on the sofa (great he won’t go to bed now) my eldest was in tears she smashed her iPad screen her dad was shouting at her. I called my dad told her it’s okay he will fix it - he will over Xmas. He woke up too late to do gymnastics this morning so off I went. He went running - but his back hurt because youngest is sleeping in our bed and that’s why he couldn’t wake up in time and that we need to fix it ( I was up from 4:30 to 6 resettling him in his room) . We went food shopping today I went to buy something told too expensive unadded it. I broke I just decided not to get anything he did the rest of the shop in a huff he missed half of the things (it’s okay I’ll go tomorrow). I’ve spent the day entertaining the kids at home wrapping presents together constantly tidying up. I sat on the bottom step and had a glass of wine because I can’t use the living room ( that’s his or if we’re in there we can’t make noise) kids have the family space at the end of the kitchen. He goes to make tea - kids want some red pepper I shouldn’t have given it them but he gets annoyed throws the knife I used in the sink smashes a glass in there told me it’s my fault why was it still
in there (washing up liquid was out/dishwasher on). Calls me a fat c*nt and I need to get out of his way. I clean up anyway demands kids go to bed and here I am upstairs with wired kids scared to go back downstairs it will
be my fault as apparently they won’t sleep as I’m too soft I’ve engineered them to hate him I’m a terrible parent I have no standards and I miss the basics and I’m fat, have no hobbies and boring (apparently that was the reason he couldn’t plan something for me). I guess that’s me internet a bit broken and a bit numb and will be told off for being not ‘happy’ not grateful enough …. All I ever wanted was to make everyone happy and somehow I ended up failing at that and lost myself In the process.
so am I unreasonable to expect a little more care and respect in return for the sacrifice I make? Or should I not expect this and accept it’s all my flaws at fault