Lost friendship of 20 years

[Okfig]

‘My 2 year old son has cancer and I received this..
Things you need to know to add context: My son was diagnosed with cancer July 2025, She has previously had a moan at me in regard to this situation however. Her mom and my mom are besties.
Messages went as follows..
Her: Hi, i feel like i've been updated about ‘your son’ through social media rather than you which we have spoke about but clearly it's easier for you to update everyone including your close friends that way rather than a message. i haven't wanted to pester you with loads of messages through this process even though i feel at the start i did send a lot but thought eventually thought id let you come to me as you're going through a lot rather than me bomb boarding you with messages. I will always be there for ‘your son’ so if he needs anything please do message me but i feel like our friendship has almost come to an end which is a shame but as much as you are going through a lot i just feel like we are on different paths so it is best to have this message so we kind of know we are on the same page. i will keep updated about ‘your son’ through mom so don't feel like you need to message me but yeah if he needs anything let me know. i just feel like this message was needed with all the sudden publicity about ‘your son’ and obvs i haven't responded to anything. we sent you money and presents as soon as we heard about ‘your son’ so hopefully you know that we do care but i just feel we would go around things differently hence the personal presents/gifts. You probs won't but like i said, if ‘your son’ needs anything please message. If you feel differently then please reach out but if not i won't feel offended to no response.
Me: Hey, it’s easier than a million different messages to people, so much happens day to day. It’s nothing personal, it just gets draining. I appreciate you haven’t wanted to message loads, I get that completely. I agree it’s a shame and it was never my intention to loose you as a friend. I know, and the gifts and money were really appreciated by us all. thank you for the love towards ‘my son,’ I’ll let you know if he needs anything.
Her: i just struggle to understand about messaging me when i was supposedly your "best friend" who you can't message but have time to post on facebook and insta and now creating tiktoks too it's just a kick in the teeth no matter how much you say it's not personal, surely you can understand that? so just so i know, is that it with our friendship then?
Me: It’s not like I want it to be but I just don’t think I can be the friend you want me to be right now tbh. Im talking to no one daily but my mom, dad and ‘my partner’. My mom is literally keeping everyone updated for me outside of that. Im posting on socials so people can see him and update from me. I’m doing what I can to cope, the TikTok’s made me feel better. Seeing him how he used to be.’

i posted this a while ago, I have an update. She reached out and asked me to go for a chat to talk thing through with her. I said no due to ‘not having the mental capacity’ we were still in the thick of it, I was trying to wrap my head round our ‘new normal.’ She then deleted me off all social media.

I am starting to feel guilty for not having that conversation with her but I just can’t get over how she treated me through the worst time in my life. I’m not sure I can ever forgive this but maybe the chat would be worth while.

Sorry to hear about your DS, how is he doing now?

My young DS also has cancer and although I’ve never posted updates on social media as I don’t want people I don’t know very well knowing the details, it’s completely up to you how you share information.

It sounds like your friend is making an awful situation even worse and she doesn’t deserve your time. Having said that sometimes it’s good to get closure on these things so maybe it’s worth meeting up with her at some point in the future when/if you feel able to.

Thank you, I have done. Usually people would mark it as an update and write it as such rather than repeating the entire previous post as if it were brand new. I didn't think you were lying that a child had cancer. I have every sympathy for that.

At a guess the OP switched out her sons name for privacy.

Unfortunately she sounds very selfish,

Best thoughts to you and your son.

Unless your friend’s last message made it abundantly clear that she wanted to apologise to you, then I think you have done the right thing in refusing to see her, OP.

I remember your original post and how shocked I felt that this woman was trying to make the desperate situation your family finds itself in all about her. Anyone with an ounce of empathy would never behave like she did.

Please continue to focus on your family, your son’s recovery Sending my very best wishes. X

Good god, you are well shot of that narcissistic, selfish twat.

I hope your son’s treatment is successful and that when your ready you find some new pals who can give you the sort of friendship you deserve xxx

I’m sorry to hear about your son, my son was diagnosed with cancer last year too. It’s taught me a lot about the people who are there for you and those that are not. I’ve lost friends and family members but people who I didn’t even expect to be there for us really stepped up. Just do whatever you need to get through it and the people who really care will still be there x

Yeah I guess so. To me it wasn't clear at all! I thought the person saying it to op was being nasty about the child by writing it like that.

Your son has cancer and she’s making it all about her. She’s a pathetic woman that you should be glad to cut ties with. She sounds like a narcissist. I would be so hurt and actually quite bloody angry with her. Like you have the time and headspace for this kind of shit. You were way too nice in your messages. Do not feel guilty, do not go for a chat, she’s done u a favour. If that’s how she treats a friend, I’d hate to be her enemy.

Thank you for this perspective, her POV was she wanted to get her feeling out so again very selfish. I hadn’t thought about it like this. She wouldn’t of apologised

She's hurt you are not talking to her personally, if she is your best friend I don't understand either. A group post for everyone fair enough but if she really is your best friend surely a personal message once in a while.

OP - maybe get the thread title or opening line of your post changed to make clear that it’s an update post. It might help stop the flooding of shitty comments from people who can’t be bothered to check the full post before responding. If you change the ‘your son’ to [sons name] that will also make clearer to people that it’s you redacting his name, as although I understand it, it does currently read as though your friend is insinuating he isn’t your son. Sorry not trying to pick your post apart, just don’t want helpful advice being drowned out by people focusing on the wrong points!

As for your ‘friend’, you’re well rid. Anyone who sees someone going through a bad time and instead of helping (be it physically, mentally, or just by being patient) and instead chooses to make it worse is not someone worth having.

She wanted to meet up with you to have a go at you for not giving her enough of your time? That doesn’t sound like it would be helpful for you. You did the right thing.

So sorry to read this OP, the last thing you need is a self-centred arsehole like her in your life. If she ever tries to make you feel at fault for any of this, I’d be reminding her in no uncertain terms that she is the one that tried to turn the worst time of your life into a pity party for herself. Absolutely flabbergasting.

I’d also show her this thread or your previous thread so she could get some perspective on how utterly awful she has been. Sending love to you.

It’s certainly a bizarre thing to do.

You are right for not meeting her. Completely selfish women. Chances are she thought she would be "Number one friend" through it all and is wounded that she's getting updates like everyone else and not specially curated messages for her.

You're well rid and I wish all the best to your son.

I see both your points of view actually and I do think you should have had that conversation, I'm sure you understand it was the last chance for you both to save your friendship. I believe the friendship ended when you said no to meeting up and she's removed you on social media because it hurts her too much to see you.

It’s sad but sometimes cancer can change friendships. Sometimes people just don’t know how to deal with it and become distant. It almost sounded like she was trying to make it all about her but I wonder if she’s just someone who can’t deal with it? I can kind of see her point if you were best friends and you were all over social media posting about it but not actually talking to her about it. Only you can really decide if you were best friends and it’s salvageable.

Who the fuck would be in competition with a poorly two-year old. Absolute bastard

Yes!

To be fair, only after she retold the original story. Which if you’d read previously, why would anyone bother reading again?

She's made your son's illness all about her. Unfortunately this is not a true friend or someone who deserves to be in your life moving forward. It's horrendous that she would say that to you but ultimately the silver lining is the trash has taken itself out.

The way I read this is
friend thinks “who the hell accepts gifts and cash for their sick child, says nothing, posts videos on TikTok”
I’d wonder too. Good friends are like gold dust. But yeah social media’s gonna help…

I did respond, I thanked her multiple times.

Firstly, wishing your son a speedy recovery, and sending you and your family the love and strength to get through all this.

Getting back to your post, can’t believe your ‘friend’ would send such a insensitive message. If she wanted to say anything, she could have just said that she appreciates you won’t be in touch as much (although you did thank her for the gifts)but will be there when you need her , and not threaten to end the friendship.