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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Holding the baby

29 replies

Trying24 · 21/12/2025 15:41

DS is 5 months old, just to preface I have health anxiety which has only been made worse only the last month with seeing articles and horror stories about the ‘super flu’ and RSV. I mostly know when I’m being ‘over the top’ or ‘dramatic’ but it’s how I feel and I try my best to be chilled on the outside but inside I’m panicking.

Before having family / friends visit or going to them, I always ask if they all feel well ie no colds / sickness and it’s hard for me but I put a lot of trust into them to tell me the truth. Ive asked people to not kiss the baby. I always ask them to wash their hands before holding the baby too and my family / closest friends just do this without my asking now and don’t mind in the slightest.

My MIL and her partner visited today (my husband asked them yesterday if they’re both feeling ok during another conversation) and she said yes, why - my husband explained (again) that I’m worried about the baby getting ill but especially over Christmas. When they arrived, her partner was coughing away, sounded blocked up and had a hoarse voice. I had to really fight the urge to ask if he was ok because she told my husband they were fine and I have to trust that. I left the room for a minute to get something and I came back to him holding the baby, and he was coughing whilst holding him. He wouldn’t have washed his hands before holding him either. I just wanted to cry but I never know if I’m just being dramatic and will cause an issue out of nothing?? When they left, I asked my husband why he didn’t ask him to wash his hands especially as he clearly had a cold and he is frustrated that I’m annoyed…. Is this the anxiety talking or would anyone else find this annoying??

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/12/2025 22:17

I’m on your side I don’t think you have a mental health issue for wanting to take
reasonable steps to stop your baby and you gettin ill especially just before Xmas.

bridgetreilly · 21/12/2025 22:41

If the baby was 5 days or even 5 weeks old, your reaction would be reasonable. But by 5 months they are developing their own immune system and can cope with normal levels of exposure.

Namechangedconfession · 22/12/2025 06:07

YANBU and I would’ve asked MIL and her partner to leave as they lied to you. Even if you didn’t have a baby, it’s selfish to go to someone’s house whilst ill. Washing your hands every time you want to hold the baby is excessive.

whatdoyourdoggoswant · 22/12/2025 06:16

Oh bless you. It sounds like you are well aware that your attitude is ‘not normal’ I’m sure that doesn’t make the feelings any less overwhelming though. I’ve not got much to add to what others have said but wanted to offer my sympathy. I think it’s great you’re so self aware and are seeking support.

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