Need a postnatal talking-to

[ApricotsAndDarkChocolate]

I gave birth just over three weeks ago to a gorgeous baby. Uncomplicated, really positive birth. Had an episiotomy which is healing well.

Baby is actually sleeping pretty well (the last couple of nights he’s gone 5 hours at a time).

Today I feel awful. I keep seeing photos of myself people are sending me and I have about seven massive chins, look huge, my stomach is bulging all over the place and I’m still in my maternity clothes. During the day baby cluster feeds constantly and I feel like he’s either feeding or being sick on me (he is sick a lot, and there don’t seem enough muslins in the world to mop everything up). My clothes are covered in milk and sick and I have no time to even unload the dishwasher.

Currently my partner is changing him, and is helping a lot around the house, doing housework and cooking and stuff, but I’m being so snappy with my partner because I don’t think he hangs laundry out properly etc. I know this is stupid.

Please can someone remind me how everything will be fine and this is normal? Feeling very bleak and trapped right now.

It took nearly 10 months to grow a whole new human inside your body.
It takes longer for your body to recover, be kind to yourself.

You sound like you’re doing amazingly. It’s bloody hard work having a baby, physically, mentally, emotionally. In every way possible. Try and be thankful baby is here safely and put no pressure on yourself whatsoever. If baby is fed, sleeps sometimes and is safe that’s a win. Your body needs at least a year to heal. I had an episiotomy and kept going to GP worrying about pain. Third GP said pregnancy and birth are a big toll on your body and give it a year. It took 11 months to fully recover and I wasn’t able to BF that baby. Second child was a c-section and recovery much faster - so just let nature take its course. Congratulations and good luck for these hard early months.

Hormones are all over, you're just getting to know your new baby and I mean this really gently - no one is looking at your 7 chins, only at baby's double chins so don't worry about it 🤣
Concentrate on resting and eating nutritious food for you and your babe and the rest will happen when it happens, every thing is just a stage and if the washing is drying who cares how it's hung out. Enjoy the help!

Totally normal. You're in the early days of the most seismic shift of your life. Even when things are going well it is still such a change in identity and circumstances.

Give it time - a lot more time. It takes months to feel anything like normal again after having a baby. Your feelings are totally normal and routine, and won't last forever. It's just a season, it will pass.

Just look at photos of the baby, not you, and remind yourself how lucky you are. Count to 5 before you speak to partner and think how you'd feel if he spoke to you how you're about to speak to him.

You have just spent 9 months growing a brand new human in your body and then you went through the trauma of birthing him.

You have done amazing yet hard things this year please give yourself a break.

It won’t always be like this and some time in the future you will feel more “you” again.

You sound like you're being very hard on yourself, you're only 3 weeks postpartum! Nobody is worried about your post baby body, it's taken you 9 months to grow a new human and you need to give yourself time for your body to heal and return to it's normal size. Please take it easy, let your partner do the majority of housework/shopping/cooking and just concentrate on feeding baby and resting! Anything else can wait. Baby blues is normal but if you still feel low in a week, do speak to your midwife or GP, they will know the signs of postnatal depression and catching it early and treating it is the best thing.

Ah here, what ever happened to being kind to yourself?

There is something really radiant about new mums that everyone but new mums can see. It doesn't matter if you look exhausted or make up free, carrying extra weight or whatever. It's some sort of hormonal glow and in time, you'll look back on those photos with fondness.

You have just done one of the most amazing things in life. You've grown a tiny little human. I'd expect you to be exhausted, tired and a little snappy but go easy on yourself and your partner too. It's an adjustment but you will get better, your hormones haven't even resettled yet.

Thank you so much, everyone. I really appreciate these comments! You’re all right and I’ve actually screenshot these responses to re-read later on. I just needed a talking to and a reminder! You’re all the best 💞

You get yourself back. It’s such a head fuck having a baby, I bloody hated it actually 😆. But you’ll feel yourself again and then you have these kids that you love with every fiber of you. And it’s fun now. Your body, brain and sense of self sneaks back slowly. You’ll be ok op.

It will get easier, honestly. You actually sound like a positive and self-aware woman. You are doing great. Enjoy the baby, keep each other onside and not much else is important at the moment. The rest is optional.

At three weeks post partum you might not even have had the bit where you suddenly pee 10kg out over 2 days (this happened to me both times a few weeks post birth and before that I was almost the same weight as before giving birth and then suddenly it all disappeared). You’ve also got to feed another human being! Plenty of time to worry about your more normal things once the baby is a bit bigger but for now you sound like you and baby are doing brilliantly!!