I think DS is cheating on his GF

[ThatArtfulPeer]

NC for this. DS is 19 and lives at home, he’s been with his GF for a year now. She still comes over to stay maybe 2/3 nights a week as she has since the relationship started. However, over the last couple of weeks there’s this lad from DS’s work who’s been coming round on nights his GF isn’t there and I’m fairly sure he and DS are sleeping together. There’s been a few times I’ve heard things when they thought I was asleep or the other night I peaked through the door and saw them both asleep in the same bed. I don’t care if DS is straight, gay, bi etc or even if he wants this lad to be his BF. Where my concern comes is that the GF is still coming round some nights none the wiser. I feel complicit that I know and haven’t said anything but also I don’t want to get any more involved than I already am. I haven’t actually confronted DS about this either as I don’t want to force him to tell me something he’s not ready to. So AIBU if I continue to turn a blind eye to this and just let DS work through whatever this triangle is himself.

That’s difficult it’s a no win
turn a blind eye and feel for GF
or confront him and out his sexuality

Thing is Op, if he's having sex with someone else, male or female, he could be putting his GF at risk from STD unless he's using condoms. Since he's open about his GF but not this male friend he may not intend to tell you for a long time,if ever. I understand you don't want to push him into telling you but is it fair to his GF to live in ignorance.

Unless you are CERTAIN he’s cheating, keep your nose out of it.

Are you sure he is cheating? Perhaps they are in an open relationship or have an arrangement (that wouldn't work for me but I understand it does for some, and I don't judge it)? Perhaps you could just have a chat with your DS and say gently that you hope there is total honesty involved all around (with all partners) - as you have brought him up to do the right thing and you expect him to treat people with consideration.

I can't believe you peeked round the door, that is not on.

GF may know? Open relationships are all the rage these days, and appear to all end in disaster.

Best off minding your own business though..

I’d have to speak to my son I think. I hope he is using protection for both. My son is gay and didn’t come out until 17, even though I did ask him at 13. He knew that I knew, I had for years but he clearly either wasn’t sure or didn’t want to come out. I wouldn’t be impressed if he was cheating. Is this boy staying over?

Exactly why I’d be speaking to him.

Maybe a simple non-discussion “I trust you’re going to do the decent thing and let GF find someone who isn’t having sex with others. You need to end your relationship with her today. Presumably you don’t want her finding out from somebody.”

Are you sure SURE? It this generation seems to be a lot more touchy feely and not bothered about piling into the same bed as friends or otherwise.

Many times, particularly when young, out of convenience, tiredness, whatever, I've shared a bed with male friends, purely for the sake of sleeping 😴
And female friends too, believe it or not.
Sharing a bed doesn't always = sex.

I’d probably have a word seeing as it’s going on in your house so you are involved in a way.
Just ask him what’s going on and if the GF knows, I mean maybe she does know and is ok with it but probably she isn’t and if it were my DD I’d want your DS to tell her he’s met someone else so that she can move on.

I’d probably have a word seeing as it’s going on in your house so you are involved in a way.
Just ask him what’s going on and if the GF knows, I mean maybe she does know and is ok with it but probably she isn’t and if it were my DD I’d want your DS to tell her he’s met someone else so that she can move on.

I’d have to ask him if he’s got multiple partners. I couldn’t keep my nose out of this one - for both the morality of it and the risk of STDs to his girlfriend.

If you thought he was cheating on his GF with another woman would you say something?

He doesn't get a pass just because he might be bi or gay.

His sexuality isn't the issue. His potential cheating is.

If he's gay or bi, he's not exactly trying to keep it a secret if he's having sex in your house.

If it was me I'd simply ask "does Sarah know Paul stays her as often as she does? What's the deal with that?"

I’d have to speak to him.

You said fairly sure they're sleeping together, which sounded euphemistic at the start and like you believe they're having sex.

But going off what else you've said, it sounds like they really might just be sharing a bed. I don't think any of them would count that as cheating or inappropriate.

If it were definite cheating, then I think you'd need to say something, but as it seems to stand, it doesn't seem to be a problem you need to bring up.

DSD went through a cheating patch. We made it clear to her that we wouldn't tolerate cheating happening under our roof.