To think screens aren’t the issue, parents who can’t say no are?

[ScreenRealist]

Screens aren’t raising kids.
Parents afraid of saying “no” are.

AIBU?

Both are a problem.

It's a combination of both.

Parents using screens to give them time to do other things or to distract the DC from a young age.

Then when DC are older, finding it difficult to limit screen time as DCs are so used to them.

How old are your kids? If under 10, yes, hard agree. Secondary upwards and hahahahhahahhhhhaaaaaaaaa.... Forget it. It's completely impossible to control and parents that try are fighting a losing, exhausting battle against big tech. One we can't win without legislation. Australia have it right.

It's a bit of both.

And in particular, the amount of parents setting a terrible example by being glued to their own screens so often.

Yep. Parenting seems to have left the building.

I think it's a bit more nuanced than one or the other. Screens are more prevalent than ever before, and becoming more and more unavoidable as schools adopt their usage as standard.

While I do think soft parenting is somewhat at fault, I also think the wider normalisation of constant screen usage plays a part too. I mean here you and I are on a Sunday afternoon looking at screens for entertainment when we could be reading a book or out for a walk.

I agree - but how can we not be "glued to a screen" when that's how the whole of society has now been arranged, to suit shareholders. You used to be able to pick up a phone to arrange something, or just turn up. School coms were once a week, by paper news letter. Not a billion emails, apps, bots and the general misery of daily family admin, now all done on a phone.

If screens are such a problem then why do schools put kids on them all day? The blackboard has been replaced with a giant touchscreen and my son's class are given ipads to do maths and spellings apps on every day for long periods of time.

I think screens are fine, but certain types of content are not. There's a huge difference between a child watching a David Attenborough documentary and a child watching endless 30 seconds skibbidy toilet brainrot loops. This whole discussion requires nuance and I'm sick of electronics being demonised because of some problematic content that can be found on some of them.

@3oldladiesstuckinalavatoryout of the house you have no control but in the house you have full control over screen time

You’re not genuine, you’re just trying to start a bun fight.

Aibu?

This, and what @3oldladiesstuckinalavatory said.

Young kids? Totally up to the parents. Older? Much more complex. Life is now screen based and it’s absolutely not just up to the parents.

Age makes a big difference, and I agree that by secondary school it’s much harder and wider forces are at play. I think my frustration is more with the early years, where habits and boundaries are formed and where parents often feel uncomfortable saying no even when they do have leverage. I also agree legislation has a role, expecting individual parents to counter big tech alone isn’t realistic.

I ask again, how old are your kids? Mine are 16 and 13 and it's a daily battle to get them off the bloody things. All their homework is set on them for one thing. Save turning off the broadband (meaning we can't work), and binning the smart TV, gaming devices, ipad, laptops and chromebooks, what do you suggest? Genuine question, it's like bloody whack-a-mole in our house and I have full sympathy with parents who've given up in the trenches.

That doesn't glue you to a screen necessarily.

Doom scrolling and the constant checking of social media takes more time than admin.

It’s both. Many parents hand their child a tablet to
watch videos like reels, YouTube etc and have no idea what else the algorithms are showing their kids.

The age at which some kids know about and watch social media gets lower and lower and it’s really sad.

I think it’s much more nuanced than that. I model very badly for my kids as I always have my phone with me but it’s literally the only way I can do anything - pay for parking, order at a restaurant sometimes, get school reports etc etc. My daughter is s2 and all her schoolwork is on her school iPad so she’s on it all day and half the evening. So if you want to reduce any of this it’s not as simple as saying people are lazy parents. I trend on the strict side of screens - no online gaming or social media outside WhatsApp. Phone turns off at bedtime, limits on apps and my son is almost the only one in his p5 class without a phone. But even I admit this is only a tiny proportion of the full screen time my kids get.

DC are
7 x 2
6 x 1
5 x 1

There Is no issue at home.

the issue is school.

both 7 year olds have their “own” ipad
the 6 year old shares one between two and they announced yesterday the 5 and 6 year old would be given one next term.

scotland.

I can see the usage when I check at the end of each day ( I refuse to allow the home)

I can also see and have removed certain apps, safari, sumdog as a start.

I think good parenting, consistent age appropriate boundaries and open discussion, encouraging other activities, setting a good example etc are important. With those things in place, we haven’t really had any issues, apart from the occasional moan about needing another 10 minutes to game. I’m sure personality plays a part though, some kids are more easy going than others, have a natural tendency to respect boundaries etc whilst other kids push boundaries more and for parents of those children, keeping screen time to a reasonable level will always be harder.

As parents we all try to do our best. Have I put my child in their high chair in front of the tv to get 5 minutes peace, yes. Have I given them a spoonful of calpol to get them to go back to bed, yes. Have I told them that it was a coincidence that their friend was given the same magic sand toy they were given two years ago and I’ll help them look for it later, yes.
A lot of us can condemn parents for using screens but as we didn’t have them we can’t definitively say.
Every generation thinks the next is worse. Anything to excess isn’t great and each generation has their equivalent of a phone/tablet.

Because schools are fucking stupid is why.

All the research suggest that screens are not overall a good way for kids to learn content. There are limited areas where they can be useful, particularly showing some good quality film content in very small amounts.

But if there was a choice between no screens, and a lot, in a school, the kids would be better off, by far, with none.

I was at a school recently to do a puppet show, while the kids were eating lunch the teachers in every bloody classroom had movies on the screens, or videos of Disney songs with cartoons. It's because they can't manage the classes.

And it's easier to put them on some maths computer game then actually teach them maths. It's not effective, but the kids have some a shit attention spans so teaching them is a losing proposition, plus they have no real options for disapline.

Screens are allowed for homework in a communal area and for limited down time.
no tablets or phones allowed upstairs especially at night.
parental controls on social media and time limited controls.
at 8pm the broadband goes off till 9

I understand your point. Generally in life things in moderation arent an issue and its a parents job to guide the moderation. This is much easier with primary age or year 7 and 8 than years 9 onwards

A lot of effort has gone into making games addictive, shaping apps to create dopamine hits, algorithms to increase engagement etc. So the battle is multibillion pound industry v parents saying no.

This makes me crazy - why are they giving this stuff to kids? They actually need to write with their hands, it's very clear typing is not the same in terms of retention.

We have children into my work all the time who have such poor fine motor skills, they can't even cut with scissors effectivly, at age 9.

Even my older kids - my son is struggling in math. All his work is online. There is no book, no answer key - it's very difficult to help him.

I agree although the teens now (and I do mean 13 and above as that is much youngest) didn’t have screens when they were little because they weren’t around in the same way.

Teens are pretty bad with phones and screens now the next generation is going to be awful as they have had them since birth!

Personally, I wish we had never allowed gaming devices, my kids bought their own, and my husband felt that was fine.

I was pretty sure it would become a battle, which it has. And it's honestly fucking exhausting to every day have to be telling a teeneager he needs to do something else when all his friends are online gaming. It's like every interaction becomes negative. And they fact that they paid for them actually makes it harder to threaten getting rid of them.