To wonder how you talk to men?

[cantbejustme]

I'm 43. 2 teenage boys and a husband.

Every now and again I feel like I get myself in a pickle where a man thinks I'm interested. Most recently its been a colleague, then yesterday i realised again with a football dad whos joined in recent months. Didn't think anything of it- until yesterday when he came to pick his son up from trampoline park, came over to me started saying he remembered me from years ago (work, same industry), and seemed to know a fair bit about me (I thought we'd first crossed paths when his son joined football team as couldn't remember him). It became apparent he is single parent , clearly thought i was too (husband rarely watches these games as he manages our eldests team so is with them). I genuinely thought we were having a chat, like I would with any of the mums at football. With mention of my husband he went bright red and couldnt run away quick enough. Now I think about it he does make a beeline for me in saturdays (I had assumed he didnt fit in with the blokey dads, or the mums and there are a couple of us who aren't cliquey and will chat to anyone).

I'm a very average looking 40 something year old with a very average body. I'm always wearing many layers, wellies, bobble hat when I see this guy. My son is diagnosed autistic and I often wonder if I am (and maybe a spot of ADHD in there too) so I am a little worried I'm leading people on by giving out some sort of vibe (maybe the eye contacts off and giving the wrong impression?)

I never realise whats going on til its fairly obvious. But I can't get over men thinking you might want to shag them just because youre having a quite mundane conversation with them (about work, sport, kids).

I'm just interested to know is it me? Is it them? How do you stop these awkward things happening? Make sure you talk about your husband in your first sentence when you introduce yourself or just avoid them or?

Maybe a crude way to phrase it, But basically its true. He was putting feelers out to see if she was up for it. And he was full of cliches about men and women and their roles.

He had concluded that because she was taking her son to football practice she must be single (because obviously thats a man’s job).

He has pretty basic and unsophisticated ideas about men and women.

Up for what? Maybe he looking for a long term relationship.

The OP is being unreasonable for jumping to the conclusion that all he wanted was a quick shag.

Apart from my two brothers and my husband I actively avoid having to talk to them.

He was not full of cliches about men and women and their roles. OP did not say that. She thought he assumed she was a single parent. We don’t know what made him think this and we don’t have to assume the worst about his motivations.

I just avoid talking to them as much as possible now. I used to be open and friendly, but the school yard and sports pitches cured me. I wouldn’t mind if it was single dads but it’s the married ones, whose wives I knew well.

Totally normal. You just need to mention your amazing ;) partner more often, to make it obvious you are not interested.
At my new work i warned all guys that I am super friendly and helpful and that doesnt mean flirty :))) Honestly it helped and we have great atmosphere at work where I can be myself without worrying.
Guys dont understand what women have to go through. I laugh sbout it with my partner, luckily he is normal and not jelous.

"But I can't get over men thinking you might want to shag them just because youre having a quite mundane conversation with them (about work, sport, kids)."

I avoid getting into conversation with blokes these days if I can possibly avoid it. I've been on this planet a long time and in my experience men (whether married or single) are mostly looking or hoping for a shag. Their egos are so jaw droppingly vast, plus they don't really view women as enitrely human. So any interaction beyond maybe the weather automatically means you find them irresistible and want a piece of their dick.

Unfortunately, I've had this problem my whole life. And why? Because I smile and try and be friendly. Men take that a whole different way.

Aged 17 working in a public place, being friendly and hit on by men in their 40s. Chatting casually to men sat next to me at the cinema or theatre when I'm 54 and they're in their 80s and assume that's an invite to come 'back to mine'. I helped someone using a walker across the road a couple of years ago. He was also in his 80s, maybe even 90s. He grabbed my arse and was suddenly not so immobile.

It's always bloody men.

My new years resolution is to practice a resting bitch face and never be 'nice'.

Some of the replies here do make me wonder about the choices some women have made and the kind of men they have gravitated towards in their lives if they are now saying that they never speak to ANY men and avoid ALL men. You know that not everything with a penis is representative of your own experiences, right? We all know what people on MN would be calling a man who openly said that he never speaks to any women and avoids them like the plague, and it wouldn’t be very flattering. Words like Incel and misogynist would be being bandied about for a start

It's always bloody men

I have been chatted up by women too. I’m not that way inclined so I suppose I should be equally indignant.

Thank you all. Very helpful. Glad its not just me being clumsy and inviting this in.

I do wear a wedding ring.

My interactions with this guy have been fleeting (almost weekly etc) but until yesterday I just thought he was a friendly chap like I'm a friendly lady.

Ill be joenst. It's a small football club where people generally know who's with who so I assumed he knew I was with husband but he's newish so silly of me
To assume.

I don't think either of us have done anything wrong. I spoke to him exactly as I would if my husband was around. It can just get a bit awkward (yesterday really was a brief awkward moment but it got me thinking as some men's behaviour has been downright strange previously).

I guess I either need to ignore them a bit more Or continue to be myself and this will happen every now and again. I think I'll choose being myself but maybe be a bit more discerning and less open...

I also appreciate that my use of 'wanting a shag' is a little crass. However that's what it feels like (im not saying that he was hoping to drag me home from trampoline park and get me into bed) but it felt like he had feelers our for relationship status/ ultimately a shag or more being involved somewhere.

I think this is maybe a thing with being a bit noee average looking- maybe a very attractive woman seems less attainable so maybe this is why this hasn't happened. Mind you, like another responder has said, if I consider myself a 5 or 6 (out of 10) I've definitely had similar awkward moments with some 2s or 3s.

Very sternly.

Only joking.

I found when I was working, don’t smile at them, don’t make a joke , don’t offer them a drink. Don’t make polite conversation and you should be ok.

Most talk to my chest then they see the wedding ring

I don't even think youre joking here

I can't help but think this is because if youre listening, talking to them, showing an interest, then you must be attracted to them, because that's the only reason they're listening, talking to you and showing an interest in you. X

I can't help but think this is because if youre listening, talking to them, showing an interest, then you must be attracted to them, because that's the only reason they're listening, talking to you and showing an interest in you so they're applying their own logic to your behaviour.

Did this man ask you out? No, you chatted, he was pleased to see you, told you about his life, you told him about yours and that you were married, and that was that. Nothing happened.

I find men often tell me about their domestic lives, I think they don't have so many people to talk to, I am very friendly looking and complete strangers as well as people I know often tell me stuff. I just nod and if it seems like it's going off course, I steer it back to my own situation (in a couple).

I don't think there's an issue to be solved here, OP. Perhaps he fancied you, so what? He didn't do or say anything and even if he had, it would have been easily sorted out. He was just chatting and probably felt self-conscious all of a sudden.

I’m not very attractive - just attractive. Probably a 6 or 7. I don’t think i appear unobtainable because im out of anybody’s league but more because i definitely give off ‘leave me the fuck alone’ vibes 😂

that said I talk to men including single dads at the school, other people’s husbands etc and have never had an issue of them thinking anything more that I’m aware of.

Exactly right.

Are you sure he doesn’t just like your company? I think we’re all a bit guilty of reading far too much into situations sometimes. The fact he’s single doesn’t mean he’s automatically attracted to any woman he talks to. He might just have felt comfortable conversing with you because he remembered you from the past and so now habitually chats to you so he isn’t alone, and because he finds you easy to talk to. Maybe it’s because he’s concerned the other mums might think precisely this if he tries.

Maybe! And we have some stuff in common (work, knowing people from the same industry, sport etx) and it was an easy chat. It was just the laying it on thick about being single, single then getting flustered, going bright red and disappearing like a puff of smoke when I mentioned my husband when we were talking abut Christmas plans.

It was all very respectful just a bit awkward and I've been in many (less respectful and more awkward combos in the past).