To ask out a man who is a decade younger than me?

[Namechangelikeits1999]

I've known this guy for a while through a friend. He used to be in a relationship with my friend's flatmate so we all used to hang out at their house, not a huge amount but occasionally. He and I had a hobby in common and we used to say we should do this hobby together, but we never actually did. I wasn't romantically interested in him then, he had a girlfriend who I knew, and he was a lot younger than me, so at the time I had no interest.

They ended up splitting up and she moved out of my friend's house. My friend recently mentioned that this guy was still doing the hobby. I decided to message him and see if he wanted to do it together, still without any romantic interest, I just wanted someone to do the hobby with.

We've now gone together 3 times and I am suddenly interested. I always knew he was a decent guy, we always had a similar sense of humour and similar interests, but now I'm insanely attracted to him as well. The hobby has changed how I see him - he's really good at it and it's very physical so I can see he's in incredible shape. We spend the whole time laughing as well.

If he were my age I'd have already tried my luck. The thing that is holding me back is that he is over a decade younger than me and I'm worrying about it being inappropriate. I'm 39 nearly 40, he's 28 nearly 29. If I knew for sure the interest wasn't mutual, I'd leave it well alone because I'm enjoying the new friendship and the shared hobby. But I'm not sure it's not mutual.

What do I do??!!

Dress to kill and wait for him to ask you out would be my advice.

Make sure you are always wearing super sexy underwear. This is not to suggest you should rush into things. However, you will be giving away the vibes this bloke will sense.

I understand you want something long lasting. If this is the case I suggest you do not make the first move, no matter how much you fancy him.

MN can be very odd about age gaps but you're both well into adulthood so I don't see a problem.

Has he shown any kind of romantic interest in you at all?

Neither of us have expressed anything. He has got in touch each time to say, that was fun let's do it again. And there is the laughter factor. I've never laughed like that before with a guy who hasn't ended up declaring interest in me.

Then I'd leave it a while longer because if someone does have a romantic interest, no matter how shy they may/may not be, there are normally subtle signs.

If you can't feel a two-way chemistry at the moment, you may do in the future.

And that has nothing to do with age gaps.

I think I can feel mutual chemistry but I might be projecting/wishful thinking! I will sit on my hands and bite my tongue for now.

I don't think the age gap is an issue. No one would think anything of it if it were the other way round.

I'm in the camp that believes that if a man likes you he lets you know. Never seen a case otherwise.

Agree. If he likes you in that way, he'll ask you to go for a drink and then make it very clear. He'll have been long socialised to know he has to make a move if he's interested. Most women still won't.

Both men and women can look at a 10 year age gap and for it not to matter at all. Or they can look at it, expand it, and place you in the same age group as their parents. Which would be mortifying!

Yep, he could potentially see me as in the same bracket as his mum, especially as there are actual similarities we've discussed. That would be mortifying beyond belief. But when I told him I'm soon to turn 40 he was shocked and said he'd thought I was much closer to his age. I think I'm leaning towards doing nothing.