Does a Catholic Church need both parents permission to baptise a child?

[PoptyPin]

My son is 14 and lives mostly with his Dad since my recent separation. Ex recently told me that DS has been exploring his faith and that my ex and his mother are going to baptise our son in a Catholic Church. My ex has not attended church in all the time I’ve known him and we had a secular wedding. He’s always been a man of science and there’s never been any mention of religion before. This is all out of the blue. Ex was raised catholic though and attended a Catholic Church.

Does a church need both parents permission to baptise a child? I’m happy for my son to explore his faith, I would never stop him getting baptised, it was more that my ex told me that his mother and himself had decided and that it was happening. He did not ask what I thought or if it was okay to baptise our son.

AIBU in thinking I should have been asked first? Or at age 14 it is our son’s decision without parental consent? I’m happy for him to explore his faith etc. He is currently heavily aligned with his Dad and his Grandmother but that’s a separate issue.

On a separate note, I used to be a pagan as a teenager, our son knows this and now calls me a “dirty pagan” and won’t discuss church with me.

I was raised Catholic too, and in the church I went to, this would be driven by the 14 year old rather than the parents.

If your ds was a baby the answer would be yes but as hes 14 no he doesn't need your permission

Google is likely to give you the answer.

In our church a 14 year old would be deemed mature enough to make that decision themselves.

Your son calling you a dirty pagan is a bigger issue than anything else.
How very hypocritical and un Christian of him.

Thank you. I’m happy for him to explore this but I wasn’t sure if we both needed to give permission as he’s under 18. I’m very happy to support him in his journey but he won’t let me as I’m a heathen 🙈

In the Catholic Church you usually get confirmed at around 14, and it’s entirely your choice. The whole point of it is that the parents decide to baptise their baby, and you should be able to choose for yourself when you’re old enough.

So given his age, I can’t imagine the church will care about the opinions of the parents at all.

I'm not sure making light of his appalling attitude towards you is appropriate. Are you not more concerned about that? He's going to be a nightmare as he ages if he is allowed to disrespect you in such a manner.

His Dad encourages this, no proof but likely his Grandmother does too. He has formed an alliance with both of them and turning catholic is unfortunately another form of him becoming even more aligned with them and more alienated from me. I’m aware I probably sound unreasonable and paranoid. I promise I’m a down to earth, sensible person. There’s some alienation happening unfortunately. But I’m happy for him to explore this and learn more about his beliefs etc.

Yes, I’m very concerned. I do correct him when he says that. I don’t actually call myself pagan anymore, I class myself as a humanist.

When you say “he’s forming an alliance with them”… that’s a really strong and emotive word.
In what way is this an “alliance” as opposed to just getting baptised?

He’s not attended church at all, wouldn’t he need to attend for a while before baptism? He will be attending on a Saturday (my one guaranteed day with him)

At 14 he wont need parental permission but most priest expect some family support. I have prepared teenagers for the sacraments and would not be happy hearing his comments about you and other faiths. To be honest I wouldn't be willing to sign that he is fully prepared,.

Church on a Saturday? If that’s your only day with him, does he live with his dad full time?

Are you the ‘good lunch at church / with meeting the priest’ poster, OP, whose Ex made such a huge fuss of a simple text?

Clearly there’s a lot more going on between you, your ex and your son but in terms of baptism here’s the info you need
https://www.rcsouthwark.co.uk/faith/sacraments-of-the-catholic-church/baptism/

I would just be encouraging. Then he can’t accuse you of a thing (speaking as a practicing Catholic) You could get him a gift - maybe a crucifix for his room? Or a holy water font.

When we had our DC baptized we had to go to church on a Saturday for about 6 weeks for lessons. It was for about 90 mins only.

Catholics in my experience go to Mass on a Sunday.

Him doing something on a Saturday should only be a small part of the day so hopefully you still get to spend time together. Do you not have any other visits?

Have you thought about speaking to the Priest about your concerns? I'm sure he'd welcome a chat.

Yes usually he would need to attend for a while before his baptism. It’s an important step for anyone not a small child.

But no, you can’t just rock up on day and ask for a quick dunking. Adult/teen baptism requires you to understand the promises you are making and show your commitment. Infant baptism requires that your parents do

Attending church regularly is only part of it. He would have to attend special classes and other services. As we tend to carry out adult Baptism at Easter time, he would not have time for 2026 so the earliest would be 2027

At 14, the Priest won’t just baptise him because his Dad wants that, he also won’t baptise him if he turns up and says that he wants to be baptised.

He will be expected to go through a preparation course, with the Priest .. not with his relatives around. The priest will explore his reasons to want to be baptised .. so if there is any coercion, or, anything like that, it should come out then.

“Heathen” isn’t a phrase I’ve heard any other Catholics use, no idea why they would say that. Non-Catholics are very welcome at our church.. some will ask for a blessing, some not. The Popr had told us that out number one priority is to “spread love” - name calling is not spreading love, also point him in the direction of “honour your father and your mother”

He spends all his time with his Dad and Grandmother and has very limited contact with me. If I slip up in any way when we are together, he tells his Dad who texts me to berate me that I’m upsetting DS and I upset him by wishing him “good luck with church!” on his first time meeting the priest (I didn’t mean to be inappropriate) He is team Dad/Granny and anti Mum. He comes out with adult knowledge about our finances and other issues around separation that Dad and Granny have told him and they paint me in a negative light. It’s subtle but it feels a bit like he is being brainwashed.

Ah, you are. I’m sorry, it all sounds crap.

I actually said this to my ex, he would need to honour thy mother and father (he calls me names) and ex said he knew I would do this, use Catholicism as a weapon against DS.