AIBU to think they're overreacting?

ByDreamyLimeLurker · 2025-12-20T23:02:37+00:00

Hi all, hope everyone is well. I thought i would ask mums net to help me out with a situation i feel stuck/trapped in. A few weeks ago, i found out I am pregnant with my 3rd child. Fiance and I are over the moon, especially since its a little girl this time around (our other 2 are boys). Due to my past MC history. I decided to wait until 16 weeks to tell my aunties and grandmother (my only family members left we are a small family). Lets call Auntie 1 Mabel and auntie 2 Janet. I told Mabel first and she was so lovely, asking if I was alright, how the baby was, if we'd picked any names for her etx. Just a really great support in general. The next day I decided to tell Janet. Janet was shocked and definitely not pleased saying this will stress out my grandmother who doesnt keep well and if anything happens to her because of this news it will be my fault... Fast forward to today, I finally told my gran. My gran was absolutely fuming at me. Some of the things she said i dont even want to repeat but along the lines of "how are you going to afford that" - would just like to add my fiance and I live extremely comfortably due to him working hard running his own business and his other job. She burst out crying and has now told me she will cry for days. I asked her if she's stressed due to my history of MC and she said "its nothing to do with that at all, youre so stupid and your decision to keep the baby is stupid" AIBU to think janet and my gran are over reacting? I feel like these women are grown enough to surely not act like that.

amber763 · 20/12/2025 23:05

Oh my goodness what a weird reaction from them!! Do you think Mabel might know why they're reacting like that?

Congratulations on your news 🎊

Pancakeflipper · 20/12/2025 23:05

There must be some reason why 2 out of the 3 relatives are acting negatively.

What's the context/history to their thinking?

Original poster

ByDreamyLimeLurker · 20/12/2025 23:07

amber763 · 20/12/2025 23:05

Oh my goodness what a weird reaction from them!! Do you think Mabel might know why they're reacting like that?

Congratulations on your news 🎊

Mabel rang me today after i asked for a chat as I also wondered this, she just replied "Just nevermind them, you know what they are like"

Thank you so much for your congratulations I really appreciate it!

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Original poster

ByDreamyLimeLurker · 20/12/2025 23:09

Pancakeflipper · 20/12/2025 23:05

There must be some reason why 2 out of the 3 relatives are acting negatively.

What's the context/history to their thinking?

I have no clue, with my 1st they were absolutely over the moon. My 2nd child they were gutted and again, my gran cried for 2 days. As horrible as this may sound, i think they just strongly favour my first born as there was often comments made about how he was the 1st boy in over 60 years born into the family. I feel so silly even writing that but i understand people can think like that 😩

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Snapandfart24 · 20/12/2025 23:10

No one gets to tell you that you ares stupid for keeping your baby, killing it is smarter? It's cruel and callous. They sound bitter and dramatic.
Glad you have your nice aunty. Just avoid the other two they don't sound like any family worth having.
Congratulations on your lovely news xx

Pancakeflipper · 20/12/2025 23:12

I think I'd avoid their negativity for a while and focus on yourself. They'll hopefully be cheerier when baby comes along.

BillieWiper · 20/12/2025 23:13

How bizarre and rude for them to be that way. Are they usually this negative and unreasonable?

Just ignore them and don't let their opinions bother you one bit.

Mayflower282 · 20/12/2025 23:15

Do you complain to them about your children a lot? Or how tired you are? Maybe they are worried you won’t cope?

Original poster

ByDreamyLimeLurker · 20/12/2025 23:17

BillieWiper · 20/12/2025 23:13

How bizarre and rude for them to be that way. Are they usually this negative and unreasonable?

Just ignore them and don't let their opinions bother you one bit.

Theyre usually a pair of negative nancys but the level of dramatics seems so strange to me. I understand my grandmother doesnt keep well as I now manage all of her affairs due to mabel and Janet staying too far to be able to do it themselves. Im more shocked that I have been told i will be to blame if gran has another health hiccup 😬

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Original poster

ByDreamyLimeLurker · 20/12/2025 23:20

Mayflower282 · 20/12/2025 23:15

Do you complain to them about your children a lot? Or how tired you are? Maybe they are worried you won’t cope?

Hi there! I have complained about my children twice in the last 3 months as they have attempted to start their brotherly fighting when it comes to sharing toys. Luckily dad nipped that in the bud and they dont even bicker as much anymore. Both boys have great routines when it comes to sleep and eating (never seemed to go through terrible twos either). Theyre very chilled out gentle little boys.

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SunMoonandChocolate · 20/12/2025 23:21

First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy OP.

With regard to your relatives, how were the two who seem angry about it, when you had your last child? Were they pleased then? Also, can I ask how old your other children are? Could it be that your relatives think you've already got enough on your plate, with little family support if anything goes wrong with your relationship? Could it be that they think you should be married before having three kids? Obviously I don't know your situation, but, I worry about women who choose to have several children out of wedlock, but don't have a career, and aren't in a position to support themselves and their children if the partner walks away. However, maybe you do have a career, so just thinking of possibilities. Is your Gran particularly worried about the cost of living, ie, is she struggling for money, and therefore thinks you must be too? Do you have a home of your own, or are you currently renting, and she's worried that you could end up on the street with three little ones? So many things that it could be about, so quite honestly, I'd be inclined to visit your Gran, and pin her down about it. Tell her that her reaction to what you feel is happy news has really upset you, and she needs to explain why she feels the way she does.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 20/12/2025 23:25

It sounds as though they resent you becoming less available to them. Your pregnancy and then a new baby and be8ng a mum of 3 will obviously keep you busy. They probably assumed you’d soon be able to be even more helpful to them, but now you’ve extended your child rearing years.

Lifealwaysgetsbetter · 20/12/2025 23:32

I assume your mum passed away? The only thing I can think is that it’s somehow related to that? Not that it is acceptable to react like they did but I’m trying to think why..

Original poster

ByDreamyLimeLurker · 20/12/2025 23:34

SunMoonandChocolate · 20/12/2025 23:21

First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy OP.

With regard to your relatives, how were the two who seem angry about it, when you had your last child? Were they pleased then? Also, can I ask how old your other children are? Could it be that your relatives think you've already got enough on your plate, with little family support if anything goes wrong with your relationship? Could it be that they think you should be married before having three kids? Obviously I don't know your situation, but, I worry about women who choose to have several children out of wedlock, but don't have a career, and aren't in a position to support themselves and their children if the partner walks away. However, maybe you do have a career, so just thinking of possibilities. Is your Gran particularly worried about the cost of living, ie, is she struggling for money, and therefore thinks you must be too? Do you have a home of your own, or are you currently renting, and she's worried that you could end up on the street with three little ones? So many things that it could be about, so quite honestly, I'd be inclined to visit your Gran, and pin her down about it. Tell her that her reaction to what you feel is happy news has really upset you, and she needs to explain why she feels the way she does.

Thank you so much 🫶
Janet was fine when I told her about my 2nd child and my gran wept for days!
My eldest is 7 and my youngest is 5. Janet and I have been distant since I was around 16 years old due to a family dispute regarding my late mother. Grandmother inherited a large sum from my great grandmother in 2019, luckily not a lot of this had to be used when she had her home restored after the house fire in 2024. Grand mother also hates the fact I am set to get married in october 2026 (she has openly admitted this is because her own marriage to my grandfather resulted in divorce due to DV). My home i am extremely greatful for as my great grandmother left me this house and we have an additional 2 bedrooms so one will be provided for baby and the other can remain a play room for the boys as we have that set up already. Ive asked mabel when shes up in scotland if she can come with me to grans to have a chat as shes due to arrive on Tuesday. I love my gran to bits and I would do anything for her but she really has hurt my feelings a little bit today. Forgot to mention, I work from home and I run a separate business through my online webstore 🙏

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BillieWiper · 20/12/2025 23:35

ByDreamyLimeLurker · 20/12/2025 23:17

Theyre usually a pair of negative nancys but the level of dramatics seems so strange to me. I understand my grandmother doesnt keep well as I now manage all of her affairs due to mabel and Janet staying too far to be able to do it themselves. Im more shocked that I have been told i will be to blame if gran has another health hiccup 😬

Show quote history

Whatever the reason they've acted this way is not your fault at all. Just remember that.

If you'll accept them doing so, I'd hope they change their tune as soon as they see your beautiful child.

Congratulations on your pregnancy x

Original poster

ByDreamyLimeLurker · 20/12/2025 23:37

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 20/12/2025 23:25

It sounds as though they resent you becoming less available to them. Your pregnancy and then a new baby and be8ng a mum of 3 will obviously keep you busy. They probably assumed you’d soon be able to be even more helpful to them, but now you’ve extended your child rearing years.

My fiance said something similar when I filled him in on the situation. Even with 2 children I have always made sure nothing comes in the way for my care of gran and her health/financial affairs. I opted to give birth to my 2nd child alone so fiance could attend to her and make sure she had her 2 weekly food shopping brought to her and packed away for her on her usual day

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Mossstitch · 20/12/2025 23:42

That reaction is even worse than my mother in law who, on telling them I was pregnant with my third, said......... ooh, you don't want another do you?!!

Ignore op, they have no right to spoil your special moment and enjoy your little family💐

99bottlesofkombucha · 20/12/2025 23:42

Unless there’s som whole huge history about how actually they fund half your living costs or you neglected your children in the past, then they don’t deserve to be family. I’d email the nasty aunt, cc Mabel and grandma , saying hi aunt, I’m sorry you don’t like the news of my pregnancy , fiance and I are over the moon about our little girl. You said very clearly that you think being aware of my wonderful little baby will cause grandma to have a health crisis. I think it would be irresponsible of me to continue handling grandmas affairs for her while my babies and pregnancy seem to actively cause her harm, this is my notice that I am handing over all responsibility to you. It’s probably a good thing too as frankly I’m very upset at having family members say such things about my pregnancy which should be good news, and is to everyone but the two of you, so I think in the interests of my health and wellbeing I should step back anyway. But of course I’ll answer any questions you have about grandmas care, you probably need to arrange some services if I’m not visiting often.
yours, op.

send it send it send it and fuck them.

Original poster

ByDreamyLimeLurker · 20/12/2025 23:48

Lifealwaysgetsbetter · 20/12/2025 23:32

I assume your mum passed away? The only thing I can think is that it’s somehow related to that? Not that it is acceptable to react like they did but I’m trying to think why..

Hi there! Yes mum passed away in 2015, she was the only one in family who didnt keep her children in her care due to addiction problems.

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Original poster

ByDreamyLimeLurker · 20/12/2025 23:51

99bottlesofkombucha · 20/12/2025 23:42

Unless there’s som whole huge history about how actually they fund half your living costs or you neglected your children in the past, then they don’t deserve to be family. I’d email the nasty aunt, cc Mabel and grandma , saying hi aunt, I’m sorry you don’t like the news of my pregnancy , fiance and I are over the moon about our little girl. You said very clearly that you think being aware of my wonderful little baby will cause grandma to have a health crisis. I think it would be irresponsible of me to continue handling grandmas affairs for her while my babies and pregnancy seem to actively cause her harm, this is my notice that I am handing over all responsibility to you. It’s probably a good thing too as frankly I’m very upset at having family members say such things about my pregnancy which should be good news, and is to everyone but the two of you, so I think in the interests of my health and wellbeing I should step back anyway. But of course I’ll answer any questions you have about grandmas care, you probably need to arrange some services if I’m not visiting often.
yours, op.

send it send it send it and fuck them.

I said this to my partner id completely understand if I was anything close to a reflection of my own mother who did not keep custody of us due to neglect and addiction issues however, this has not been the case for myself or my siblings. Ive screenshotted your reply as im currently on facetime with my nice auntie and she thinks it will result in me having to pass grans care onto auntie 2 with a short, clearly written message like you suggested 🙏

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Original poster

ByDreamyLimeLurker · 20/12/2025 23:52

Mossstitch · 20/12/2025 23:42

That reaction is even worse than my mother in law who, on telling them I was pregnant with my third, said......... ooh, you don't want another do you?!!

Ignore op, they have no right to spoil your special moment and enjoy your little family💐

Im so sorry you had to deal with that, ive learned your biggest supports can be your worst enemy 😩

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BauhausOfEliott · 21/12/2025 00:37

Congratulations on your pregnancy! You must be so thrilled - how lovely to have a little girl on the way to join your boys 🤗

Looking at your other posts where you mention your grandmother’s abusive marriage issues and the apparent history of you mum’s kids ending up in care… I think you need to put this bizarre reaction from your grandmother and Janet down to that. The whole family (except you!) sounds pretty dysfunctional and troubled and let’s face it, your grandmother doesn’t really have much (any?) experience of being around normal, happy families who rear their kids successfully. In her experience, having kids just results in trauma and guilt and heartache, hence her weird reaction.

I’m not making excuses for either her or Janet - they’re both being bloody awful and I’d want to distance myself from the pair of them if I were you. But while I think the family history isn’t an excuse, I do think it’s an explanation (if you get what I mean).

Ignore their nonsense and enjoy your time preparing for your new arrival.

Bikergran · 21/12/2025 08:50

Pancakeflipper · 20/12/2025 23:05

There must be some reason why 2 out of the 3 relatives are acting negatively.

What's the context/history to their thinking?

Possibly they thought/hoped that marriage would be on the cards either before or after the first child? Excuse my cynicism, but having 3 children without the legal protection given by marriage is putting OP in a precarious situation, and if she were my niece/granddaughter I would also be worried. You only have to read a few Mumsnet posts to know that relationships can break down, however solid they seem, and an unmarried woman with children has to fight a lot harder to get any kind of support.

GAJLY · 21/12/2025 09:28

My mum acted negatively when I had my second. It was because she was worried I'm become less available to her. My husband and I made sure my parents were cared for, but I did have less time for them. They're being very selfish right now. Congrats on the pregnancy! 👏 🥳 🎉