How not to let my hatred of DH spoil Xmas

[Georock]

How can I not let it spoil Xmas for the kids? 2 kids primary school age. I just keep snapping at him for reasons I don’t want to discuss. I want to just make Xmas nice for kids so please give me advice on how to keep things civil with someone you hate

Focus on the future. Maybe set up an appointment with a divorce solicitor for early January, and look into your finances before Christmas so you have an idea of where you stand. Do these positive things that will lead to your life being better.

Then, on Christmas Day, focus on your kids in the knowledge it’ll be the last one with a man you despise.

All the best for 2026.

The only way to get through it will be by constantly telling yourself that it’s the last time…

Thank you both for your advice x

Try and do some things separately like take the kids for a walk or to see a friend or parent. Being all together in the house all Christmas is a long time

make a list on your phone giving positive thoughts

I am fine
I can do this
things will get better in the new year
The kids are happy
The kids are healthy
I will save and buy myself XYZ

Do you have plans to separate in 2026?

If so, focus on that.

Put all your focus on your DC so that he's just background. If you're talking to, playing with and giving all your attention to your DC, they'll be having such a great time they won't notice that the adults aren't saying much to each other. Any communication you have with him, pretend he's your irritating colleague. You have to get the job done together and you have to observe social etiquette while you're doing it. So calm, polite, but emotionally uninvolved.

Focus on plotting your escape

I don't think you can make it nice if there is an atmosphere and you are snapping at him. They will sense it. I think the best you can hope for is that you can distract them. Spend time with the kids without him and have fun. Limit the time in each others company as much as possible.

This is a great strategy @Georock.

Strength to you and your DC. I hope 2026 is better.💞🙏

Meant to quote this.🤦‍♀️

I don’t have any advice sorry. But I’m wishing you the best for 2026, I hope it’s your year!

I’m currently with a partner that I want to leave. I smoke weed now, and it means that nothing really bothers me so much. I’m not proud of this, but I tried antidepressants, they just didn’t hit the same as weed. I’ll be leaving him in January after I start my new job and my finances are more settled. I’m just riding it out until then.

Put on some good music in the background. Buy some Baileys and drink small amounts often! Remember that your life now is not a permanent situation!

Agree with the previous poster who said focus on the kids, and I would add, distract yourself with any other (likeable!) family members or visitors who you can arrange.

I invited a couple of pals over in the evening for a glass of wine. Both of them knew what he had done and that I was gritting my teeth through to a New Year’s divorce so they were politely chilly to him and he got the message and retreated to his office to watch some kind of sport while I had a wine and a chat with my friends to finish the day!

I’m also promising myself that this is
my last Christmas with DH. I cannot wait to be rid of him.

I hope all of us planning to leave our men find the strength to do so in the New Year. The wrong man is probably the biggest mistake we can make in our life - our biggest downfall.

Can you tell I’m literally going through it right now with mine?

Well my life is different because we're already separated but are spending Xmas Day together for the sake of the kids. I'm strangely calm now because it has dawned on me that I'm no longer responsible for him. He can turn up when he does, he can cook what he wants, drink what he wants, he can fall asleep in front of the telly if he wants and none of it will spoil my day with my kids. It is truly liberating.
Whether he will like my nonchalance is not my problem anymore.