Would you consider this friend to just not really be that arsed about the friendship?

[Jinglebellsbatmansmellsrobinflewaway]

Group of four of us,
everything very hectic but I attempted to arrange an xmas meet up one day (asked this on Wednesday) during the day-an hour or two with the kids.
Everyone seemed keen, apart from one friend who said they’d try but unlikely to be able to squeeze in
Wouldn’t you find time if you cared enough?
They then casually announced they were doing an xmas party and anyone welcome (obviously wouldn’t have asked us if this hadn’t come up as late notice for a party)

I would be really unlikely to be able to see a friend with that much notice. Not because I don’t want to see them but because work is absolutely crazy and so on my days off I have so much life admin. For example we have an issue with the house and I’ve been contacting possible suppliers, done last minute Christmas shopping, I had a volunteering commitment and then taken my child to a Dec birthday party that we’d RSVP’d to a month ago. It would definitely not mean I don’t want to see them. I think that’s a big leap.

Good God people, listen to you all.
Just say no to stuff. It’s really
nothing you need to to martyr yourselves about. I mean I’ve got plans every day between now and 2nd Jan but I’m definitely not run ragged or all stressed, plenty chill time has been allocated.

but then I suppose you’d only get moaning minnies posting on mumsnet complaining about it 🙄

I tried to organise a meet up with a friend and we don’t have a spare couple of hours in common until after Christmas. That’s common at the best of times let alone the busiest time of the year!!! If you’re trying to organise a group get together then of course it’s even less likely that everyone can make it.

In October my friend and I organised drinks together, the earliest common free evening we had was the mid December. That’s what happens when people have full rich lives 🤷‍♀️

I agree it’s a very difficult time of year to fit everything in.
I haven’t arranged to meet up with any friends until after Christmas. It’s not because I’m mean either!
For one thing I’m working right up until Christmas Eve. Both dh and I have elderly parents and we are their primary carers. Then I want to prioritise my immediate family who don’t live with us. We also have lots of birthdays at this time of year so they take priority too.
Try not to take it personally.

That's a bit late notice though isn't it? Asking Wednesday for a Christmas meet up. The others were probably being polite whilst silently cursing you and this one was just being honest. Is her party more of an adults thing? It's probably her way of compromising. You sound quite self centred.

I think your putting way to much pressure on this friendship. Asking on Wed about a meet up over Christmas is not much notice at what is traditionally one of the busiest times of the year. Especially when people have children. Whether you continue the friendship or not is up to you but honestly I’d have no friends at all if they all required that much attention. I’d argue that if you cared about your friend on or this friendship you wouldn’t be putting this much stock on one 2hour meet up. Unless of course there’s a history of this person not making time…..

Crikey. Knowing how busy I have been over the past couple of weeks in particular, I wouldn’t take this to mean anything at all other than she has no time! December is a minefield for any parent, not in the least working parents (especially if their workload intensifies over this period). Give her a break.

@JinglebellsbatmansmellsrobinflewawayI have come to think “if you want to you will” after a previous mumsnet thread. We all have the same 24 hours and choose what we prioritise.
However different people do have different demands on their time and that too should be respected.
Only your friend will know where you come in her list of priorities- and sadly you are unlikely to find out

YABU
It is a very busy time of year and people shouldn’t feel pressured into doing things they don’t want to. It is ok to say no to social events and as a ‘friend’ you shouldn’t judge.

You don't know that

It’s a bit strange taking this personally. You’re set on seeing this negatively. She’s just busy and trying to balance family, friends, Christmas and her time. It’s no big deal. It’s kind she’s opened up the party to your group of friends, that’s probably just her way of trying to see everyone during a time pressured holiday.

i have great friends and we all live busy lives to different degrees. We just see each other when we can which is sometimes weekly with some and sometimes yearly with those living further away.

@pilatesisnt this the point though? Why does the friend want to do one thing and not another?

There is a whiff of entitlement over other people’s time from your posts @Jinglebellsbatmansmellsrobinflewaway

People have different priorities, limits and commitments and you don’t have any entitlement over another adults time.

Yep, and who’s the ‘we’ @Jinglebellsbatmansmellsrobinflewaway
are you talking negatively about them to the rest of the group?

Maybe she cannot afford it. Maybe she’s just totally overwhelmed mentally and another event is the last thing she can get her head round. I too as others say have to pick and choose carefully what I can commit to let alone actually go to. I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Go to the party and you’ll be able to tell from her demeanour. If she isn’t as keen on the friend group as the others what would you do? Doesn’t necessarily mean she doesn’t like you, just other place the friend group higher than she does.

I've been fully booked since early Dec to NYE. Between the numerous parties for dc, my own stuff, work, extended family stuff, there just wouldnt be space to say an impromptu yes to anything. You need to really consider why you are taking this so personally.

Have never had to decline an invitation to a social gathering or meet up?

If you have, did all your friends think you were horrible and didn't care about them and it's not possible you could genuinely be busy?!

Well you are, otherwise you wouldn't notice. We have all done it. But, it's a bit like when, as a manager, you start watching to see how much time your team member is away on Teams as you think they are taking the mickey, bit of a death knell I would say.

I think op means she only got invited as she got in touch, if she hadn't got in touch friend (she thinks) wouldn't have invited her. I am assuming you are female op as blokes in general dont seem to have as much angst as women on the friend front.

I think more context is needed. If she’s frequently declining or brushing off invitations then yes probably she doesn’t care much for the friendship. If this is the first time or it’s rare then she probably just doesn’t have time and you’re reading too much into it. I also think there’s a big divide between spontaneous people who can usually find a few hours free at short notice and people who book themselves up to the eyeballs 3 months in advance. Mumsnet is full of the latter type so the answers you’re getting are skewing that way. But if this is a one-off and she makes effort at other times then I think you’re taking it too personally.

Asking to organise a Christmas meet up on the 17th is way too short notice.

No chance I could fit in a last minute thing atm - the calendar is packed.

You asked a bit late. Most will already have plans or tons to do.

Is this a reverse?! Madness to try to start organising a Christmas meet up when it's just a week before Christmas Eve, and then get terribly offended that a friend can't make it. Total main character syndrome.