To stay at home when my DH goes to FIL’s?

[ChristmasDrama111]

I don’t get on with my FIL. He’s controlling, his way or no way, barely speaks to me, turns his nose up at our stuff and generally sucks the joy out of a room. Examples include: when my kids were babies he bought a totally inappropriate car seat (toddler seat for a 6-month-old). When we politely said it wasn’t safe, he lost the plot and accused us of dictating to him.

MIL sadly died a few years ago and since then FIL refuses to do Christmas anywhere unless it’s at our house. Last year my mum invited him to hers for Christmas dinner, he refused but wanted to come to ours for breakfast instead. I said no because we wanted a few hours just us and the kids. Apparently this made me the bad guy.

Fast forward to this year and DH says FIL will have to come to ours for breakfast. I’ve said no again. I’m fed up bending over backwards for a man who barely says hello to me. I’m a grown adult and I don’t think it’s outrageous to decide who’s in my house on Christmas morning. One year we had his new girlfriend (of one week) round and we never saw her again. This is the type of crap we have to deal with.

FIL has fallen out with DH’s brother, has again refused my mum’s invite so DH is now planning to take the kids to FIL’s house for a couple of hours on Christmas morning to keep the peace.

I’m sad because that was our time. Jammies, bucks fizz, kids playing with presents etc. Instead, I’m wondering AIBU to stay at home while DH and kids go to FIL’s? I need to make dessert anyway and could shower, get ready and enjoy a glass of bubbles in peace. Alternative is sitting in awkward silence in a house that smells strongly of wet dog.

Do I:
A) stay home and protect my sanity
B) suck it up for two hours
C) fake a sudden festive illness

Be gentle. Or not. I’m ready. 🎄

I'd have let him come round for breakfast. He's not going to be there at 7am is he - plenty of time for young kids who are usually up at crack of dawn to open their stocking with just you and DH. Then FIL comes over and you can busy yourself making dessert in the kitchen if you don't want to be in the same room. Then off to your mum's for Christmas lunch.

I think your DH is fine to take the kids over for a couple of hours if you've decided you don't want him at yours. Don't go if you don't want to.

He sounds horrible, I have no idea why there are people saying you should pander to him. Everyone should be free to do what they like. You should stay home, DH should go see his dad and the kids should decide where they'd like to spend their Christmas morning.

If you're on your own at Christmas because none of your family want to see you then it's time to start looking very closely at your own behaviour. I have no sympathy for this rude, selfish, old man. You reap what you sow.

If my husband wanted him around on Christmas morning for a couple of hours, I'd have him round on Christmas morning for a couple of hours, and crack on with whatever you had planned anyway. I wouldn't stop the kids opening presents, sitting around in my PJs, bucks fizz etc. I can see a lot of grandparents preferring to pop round to their child's for a couple of hours instead of their child's partners parents house for a longer meal etc

I'm sure if her DH was the one cooking the breakfast, she may be okay with it.

People often wave a certain plan, that involves work for their partner and not themselves.

FIL should go where he's invited to and not try inviting himself over.

This!

Stay at home, enjoy a drink, a leisurely shower & do the last mimute dinner prep.

Open stockings and presents with kids in their pj's and let them play.

If he wants to take them out, he can get them away from the new toys, get them dressed & into the car. You head off for your shower and pamper session as soon as he starts to talk about getting ready to go out.

Your husband would rather please his father and upset his wife and kids by taking them to FIL's on Xmas morning?

His priorities, what the hell.

He can decide for himself but your kids deserve their Xmas morning in their own home playing with their presents.