Partner not giving compliments

[Lastfroginthebox]

My partner (of 12 years) isn't a romantic type and neither am I. He's a practical and thoughtful person and he does say nice things occasionally. He'll give me unexpected and thoughtful presents if he knows I need or would really like something. But he doesn't do romantic stuff like buying flowers and I don't really want him to. However, we were on holiday recently and I began to notice that he seemed to be avoiding saying nice things about me. I'd told him how much I'd enjoyed a day out with him and he didn't say anything in return. Someone complimented my new dress while I was with him but he just ignored the remark and changed the subject. I made a real effort with my appearance one evening and he didn't say anything at all about it, even though he'd complimented one of my friends about how lovely she looked. When I said I enjoyed being on holiday with him and again he said nothing, I was upset and asked him to say just one nice thing about me. He made a joke that I was 'perfect' (which we both know isn't true!) - he even admitted that it was a joke. We then got into an argument. He said I'd put him on the spot and I shouldn't expect him to come up with some arbitrary thing immediately as it would be meaningless. I think it shouldn't be too difficult for anyone to think of one nice thing to say about their partner! I know it was sort of fishing for a compliment but I was feeling in need of some reassurance at the time. Was I unreasonable to ask him to say one nice thing about me?

It’s plain rude that he complimented your friend knowing he hadn’t already complimented you.

Or he simply couldn’t think of anything to say to your friend, so came out with, you look nice, for something to say.

YANBU to seek reassurance now and again if that’s what you need.

@MNmynewaddiction Thanks. To make matters worse, his actual words to my friend were 'Sarah - at the risk of upsetting Lastfroginthebox, you look terrific.' I stormed off that time. And apparently after I'd gone, Sarah told him he shouldn't have said it, but she thought I was overreacting.

I’m not sure of the reason you’re sensitive to this kind of chat from your DP to others but your DP clearly knows that you are but went ahead with saying it to your friend anyway and not just a simple ‘you look nice’ but a ‘you look terrific!’

Very hurtful that he didn’t care if he upset you or not. I wouldn’t be asking for a compliment, I’d be asking why he thinks it’s acceptable to disregard your feelings like this and so publicly.

He humiliated you and should be apologising.

You also need to work on your self-esteem to feel wonderful about yourself whether he compliments you or not.

The way he worded that compliment to your friend sounds like a dig. Why would he say that?

I don't know! I don't think it was a dig - he's very straightforward. But he can be insensitive and sometimes says inappropriate things.

Not complimenting you and knowingly risking upsetting you by enthusiastically complimenting your friend in front of you is very odd. Not the sort of thing to make you feel secure and loved. You need to talk to him.

The way he worded that compliment to your friend means that he was fully aware of how what he was about to say was going to make you feel but he didn’t care and said it anyway that’s just mean op.