to wonder how to date at this strange transitional time in 30s?

[LoisLaneKent]

I'm in my early 30s and returned to education as a mature student this year. I went from living with my long term partner planning a family to the whole thing imploding and changing my life completely. That was earlier this year.

So right now I'm doing a degree for a year and am becoming open to dating again but how on earth do I date in my 30s as a student?!

I was dating professional men before as a fellow professional but now I feel like I don't know where I fit the dating market. I was asked on a date by a guy who was 27 a few months ago which felt a bit too young! I sort of feel like I'm going to only end up appealing to really young men who want to date a slightly older woman casually. I am quite successful but now I'm not making much money while studying l'm not sure who I'm going to appeal to.

I'd be a bit more open-minded and relaxed and see what happens. If you like the 27 year old give it a go.

Maybe you'll find another mature student. Maybe you'll find a professional guy who'd quite like yo do what you've done. Maybe you'll find someone in between, not a student and not a professional, but an artist or an entrepreneur or a builder. Who knows. Stop putting arbitrary restrictions on yourself.

I don't think your educational status is the first thing that a man will consider while swiping right or texting you. You are certainly over thinking this. When I dated as a PhD student, some men were students, some had a business or were working. It all depends on what you want. If you have just come out of a long term relationship, then it might be better to slowly ease yourself back into the dating scene and enjoy being single for a while.

It depends what you want really. I wouldn't waste time thinking about who would find you appealing. Who appeals to YOU?

Do you still want marriage/a family? If so, I would be dating with intention because time will really slip away quickly in your 30's when you have to factor in years dating, living together, engagement, getting married and then actually trying for a baby. You don't want to leave it too late, if that's something you really want.

If you want to date casually, have fun with fewer commitments, then date the younger men!

27 is fine i’d say.

My son says to look for people by joining clubs. (not about you in particular but we were talking about a 31 yr male friend who seems to struggle to find people and that was his view).

I think if you want a financially 50 50 relationship then date men in your life stage ie men who are also mature students. Or give dating a pause until you're back in the financial bracket you'd feel comfortable to date in.. or date casually.

But if you're more of a traditional where you can see yourself as a SAHM or Housewife in the future then those men who see value in non monetary contributions of a partner will not mind your financial status if the attraction and chemistry is there.

So it's a question for you and what you want.

Most men don't care what you do for a living, or how much you earn. Just do online dating, not sure what the problem is here?

@Justlostmybagel to be honest I feel as though I may have missed the boat on children. I feel like my last relationship was my 'shot' at that. I will say I didn't definitively want them before meeting him but changed my mind.

What I hate about this age is 1) now if I do want kids I'd need to rush the process and 2) if I do wait until I'm better off again financially I'm wasting fertile years.

I'm sort of thinking it might be better to accept I missed the window to have kids. Also would I want to be with a guy who doesn't care what I do? I'd worry that would be a woman that doesn't believe in equality or something.

and on the other side, I think I might be open to casual dating as I sometimes did in my 20s but now am I too old for it...

Twenty seven is fine age wise. You don’t know what he wants for his next steps.

And stop focusing on who you might appeal to - just be open to who might appeal to you!

Kindly, do you think you may be overthinking things?

You could easily meet someone, be with them 2 years, have 2 kids before you’re 40yrs.

And any decent person won’t judge you for going back to education.

You’ve had a big life change, anxiety is normal, but I think you’re over judging yourself.

Forget your "status" and who you appeal to. Who do you want to date, and who do you find attractive? You seem to be looking at this as a quite transactional, how do I win way.

Presumably you’ll be entering the world of work again in a year and successful again? If you’re bruised from your break up and busy with your degree, it’s fine not to date.

You haven’t missed the boat on children but if you don’t want to date intentionally, you will. Does that matter to you?

a part of me thinks I could do with just having a fling to get out of my head!

I did that after my last relationship and it was a big ego boost and good fun but the older I get the more serious I seem to take things. yes @SunnySideDeepDown I think I am over thinking things a bit!

Last night I told this woman I work with my age and she said 'omg I can't believe it, I thought you were 28 like me'. I get people thinking I'm younger a lot and I find men think I'm in their age bracket and I'm not. Can be challenging. Also makes you feel old when people make a big deal about it.