AIBU to feel hurt by this?

[MineralWater2]

Just need a bit of perspective because I’ve felt quite hurt by this, but don’t know if I’m just being overly sensitive for no reason and I need to stop being so precious!

i’ll try to summarise so it’s not a long boring story! Basically, I left school almost 10years ago now with a group of around 5 of us as best friends. For uni and work most of us moved a few hours away in different directions and couldn’t obviously meet up regularly, but probably 5-6 times a year we would have a big meet up. We also had a group chat. We’ve always been the type of group to invite everyone and if that means waiting a few weeks for us to hang out so everyone can come, that’s what we’ve always done

Over the years weve all kept up the friendship, but for the last year I’ve noticed I’ve become increasingly left out, where all the other members have met up together without me. I’m guessing they must have another group chat now. I still live near our home town, and everyone who moved away has moved back here so we’re all close together now but they’ve just stopped inviting me to stuff.

I know it sounds petty to be upset about, and I’m not upset to the point I’m sitting crying about it, but last night I saw yet another event they had where I wasn’t invited. It wasn’t anything major just a girly christmassy cocktails and dinner night in a restaurant near where we all live. All the captions were along the lines of ‘best night with the best girls’ and honestly when I saw the photos it just stung a bit

I don’t know why they’re leaving me out, and there’s nothing I can do so may aswell just move on and it’s not a big deal really butttttt is it normal to be a bit hurt by this? Or am I just being a bit precious?

Is it all the others meeting up? I would ask them- you’ve got nothing to lose.

YANBU to be upset, that is hurtful.

Why not ask?

Is there any particular one you’re close to that you could ask? It’s really upsetting when friends do that so I would ask what’s changed.

Just ask them? Message one of them and say "hey, I saw you all went out the other night. Did I do something wrong not to get an invite??" Keep it light hearted. See what they say.

Thats very hurtful. I would definitely choose the one you were closest with and ask why?

Something must have changed in the last year. Anything on your side?

Yes I would be upset and I agree with others, that i would ask.
If you dont want on a full on confrontation and ask in a WhatsApp group as ithers have said why not speak the one you most feel comfortable with. Maybe meet up for a coffee and gradually bring the subject up.
Or the light hearted approach was a good suggestion.

of course it's hurtful. Have you read 'Let Them' book? She is talking exactly about this situation, and how she dealt with it.

Have you got children and they haven’t? Or is your partner a known criminal?

I would be bold and ask in the group chat, ‘You haven’t blocked me so I can’t understand why you are all getting together and not letting me know! If I have done something to upset anyone I’m at a complete loss to know as no one has said anything!’

Honestly, I know everyone says they didn’t do anything but I genuinely didn’t, the last time we met up was over a year ago, we always equally suggested meet ups and made plans etc (not as if I was never making any effort and they got fed up with it iyswim)

the last time we talked was probably around a year ago and one of the group (who is lovely but can be quite demanding at times!) wanted us to all go to visit them in the opposite side of the country the following weekend, I said I couldn’t sorry because I was working and couldn’t get it off, they were drunk messaging and basically kept saying cmon just tell your boss you can’t come in, or saying just come after work etc, I was basically like eh I can’t drive 5 hours after work, then back down again and make it to work the next day on time😅 there wasn’t any argument though it was all light hearted. None of the others went either for the same reason as me. We didn’t talk again for ages after but we didn’t message regularly on the group chat anyway apart from planning a meet up so I didn’t think anything was different until I saw all the pictures without me over the last few months

Honestly I know the sensible thing would have been just to message and ask but I just couldn’t even be bothered, I know that sounds ridiculous but I just felt so hurt but didn’t want to show it (as silly as that sounds!)

I’ll give it a bit of time until I’m not as upset because I don’t want to say anything I regret but then once I’m feeling a bit better about it all then I’ll ask them just for closure if nothing else

I think we’ve just drifted and grown apart I guess and for whatever reason they don’t want to be my friend anymore

You have a right to be hurt, but until you address it with one of them, you won't know why.

That is shitty. I think I would be inclined to say on the original group:

Merry Christmas everyone. I saw you went to the Italian last night. Looks like I missed a good one, you all look really well. I’m guessing there’s another group chat I’m excluded on as I don’t get invited to your meet ups anymore. I’d love to know why? Hope I haven’t inadvertently upset one of you. If I have, do let me know. It’s a shame as we’ve been friends since school and I certainly didn’t want to lose contact. Anyway, sorry for awkwardness, hope you all have a great Christmas.

I’d be upset too, that’s mean of them.
Time to pull away from them i’d say, you don’t need people like that in your life

Personally I would just leave the WhatsApp group, unfriend them on social media and move on without fuss.

That is so hurtful, I'm sorry OP 🙁

This

I would be so hurt but wouldn’t say anything either. Friendship has to be mutual to work and it sounds like something has shifted from their side.