My mother is driving me loopy

[redredredeyes]

I am pregnant, my brother has always been the golden child and when him and his wife had their first baby years ago they made it clear that certain things were no longer the done thing with babies- baby walkers, bouncers and that kind of thing. My parents respected that (well they honoured their wishes but were quite rude behind their backs)

Now I am pregnant and my mum particularly keeps mentioning these things as "you loved yours when you were a baby" and "they make life so much easier". I shut it down as "well I've herd that they aren't recommended anymore" and she just keeps on saying that I'm going to need so much support when baby comes and you take help as its given.

I just want calm and to manage my pregnancy as the best I can, but she keeps giving advice. I find it so frustrating as she respected my DB and DSIL wishes, but she seems to think that as mother of the babies mum she has extra weight.

I just want her to stop. I am happy she is excited, I just want her advice to be left to one side.

We now know they’re really bad for hip development, along other things. The NHS has some info pages about it. It’s not that they should be used in moderation, they shouldn’t be used at all.

When are you due?
"OK mum, that's kind of you, let's see how I feel this Christmas"
If you cba to go.
If you want to go and be hosted then say similar lol just ignore what she says for next year. You have your back up because she is overbearing so you're going to take every comment or excitement of her badly
Just wait to fight the battles once baby is born and get dh on side
But don't cut your nose off to spite your face as you probably will want her to babysit or provide childcare in the future.. Just let her be excited and overbearing as long as she isnt manipulative or mean outright.. you don't need to say anything more than "that's interesting about the bouncers/cot bumpers/other crap, it's nice you used those with us. Let's see some pics of us as babies. I wonder what baby will look like"

Send her links to stuff you want her to buy
Honestly let stuff go and let her choose some bits. Maybe clothes or crib sheets or moses basket

With names just ask what she likes, share some ideas but say you're waiting to see baby's beautiful face and then you'll just Know.. you don't need to push hard against every comment unless you truly feel she's being nasty

I dont think shes being nasty, but I do think she is being controlling and I just want it to stop. I am too tired to manage her. I find her more exhausting and more trouble than any support she could provide, and after seeing how she secretly ignores my DB and DSIL wishes I'd rather pay for professional help than ask her to babysit.

My mum is like this as are many 80s and 90s parents, and tbh she still gives me advice and my toddler is 2.5. It's easier not to get into a debate, as she will either argue her point or take offence as a percieved slight in her own parenting decisions, which were based on decades old advice or half remembered by her. It's fine for the world to move on, it's fine for innovations to me made and people discovering that walkers aren't good for babies hips etc etc.

But, its easier not to add fuel to the fire, annoying as it is. I saw your update about her staking a claim to christmas next year, but you just need to say mildly things like I'm not deciding that now, or I haven't made a decision yet, or me and DH haven't decided etc etc. So she knows it's your decision not hers and that she doesn't plan ahead and assume just by elbowing in!

She's had her time as a mum, and there no such thing as grandma rights, I hope she eases up so you can enjoy your pregnancy. Maybe a text saying something like "I'm so glad you're excited about this baby, and I know you'll love being a grandma to him/her, but don't make any plans for holidays and babysitting yet as the baby isn't even here yet and it's stopping me just enjoy being in the moment and savouring what is to come. If you want to make plans in your head keep them there please, or chat to others about them, I'm focusing on my own experiences to come as a mum"