To drop work for childrens additional needs?

[13MAPARTHELL]

For context

my almost 5 year old has autism & pda
he’s behaviours are worsening at home to a point where he cannot interact safely at all, the school are not supportive in the way that he requires, and I do not particularly blame them as he is very complex, although he masks alot in school.

my 3 year old has severe eczema, is on immune suppression, sedation medication and so on, and still he does not sleep and has infections on his face weekly.
he requires lots of appointments, blood tests and so on.

i work full time from home, partner works full time leaving at 4am home at 6-7pm in London for £650 a week, self employed basis for a company. Neither of us have capacity, and it’s becoming extremely difficult to keep patience, offer support and remain calm, action all the admin, the appointments only he drives etc. the childcare issues, it’s impossible for PAYE in construction trade we have tried for years in different companies to get this, so this always falls on me.

mornings, afternoons and evenings are pretty horrific for us, he is aggressive and unregulated daily, and having two the same age it’s incredibly hard to keep each safe. We have no support what so ever, no family support or friends support.

social services refused us - dont meet threshold
counselling services for myself - only want to end my life half the days, and therefore do not meet the threshold?

it’s incredibly painful to have to think about us making this jump and what this means for us, its a gamble but ultimately hes job is something that he can go straight back into, no contract, he can do self employed smaller jobs that are local if he can etc, where as my role is niche with progressions in the pipeline etc, he can also drive.

AMIBU

It sounds like your oh should be the one to give his job at least for a couple of years?

Who earns more? Even if it's him, his job doesn't sound sustainable with those hours.

Having SN kids, it's like buses with needing to be there to collect early orgoing to assessments and appointments and meetings - sometimes it all comes at once.

I'm not sure but I think you're suggesting DH gives up work. Sounds sensible to me.

I’m my exotics almost impossible for both parents to work full time when you have DC with complex needs. Responding to your kids, having flexibility to have them at home when today just isn’t happening or to accommodate late drop off or early pick ups, never mind the myriad of appointments, speaking to the school etc means you either need less work or a supremely flexible employer.

The lower paid you of may need to drop to part time or stop work for a while. Make sure you claim all the benefits you’re entitled to - that’s what they’re there for and can make life more manageable while your working capacity is decreased because of your caring responsibilities.