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AIBU?

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Original poster

Can you turn around being a bad parent?

7 replies

ZeldaFighter · 19/12/2025 11:08

Feeling like a terrible parent.

Autistic DC just got a detention on the last day of term and oldest DC just got marked absent from college, when he convinced me he was allowed to leave.

The teenagers can't tie laces. They rarely go out and whilst one is good at school, they are both really lazy. Otoh, they are kind, clever, funny and good in their own ways, with plenty of friends.

Have I got time to turn it around?

OP posts:
PrincessFairyWren · 19/12/2025 11:30

They are not lazy, they are having difficulty with imitation and task break down which is part of the executive functioning skills that are challenging for autistic individuals. You are not a bad mum, they are clearly loved, and you are very invested in their future and their wellbeing.

Being a mum to neurodiverse kids is hard and relentless. It is like plugging holes in a leaky bucket.

Hang in there OP, life can be a rollercoaster but you are really doing a great job. Random internet hugs.

If I listed the things my kids did wrong the thread would be 100 pages. But they are still great.

PrincessFairyWren · 19/12/2025 11:37

sorry i meant to say initiation (not imitation).

BauhausOfEliott · 19/12/2025 11:42

Apart from the difficulty in tying shoelaces, this sounds pretty standard for a pair of teenagers. All teenagers get a detention or whatever now and again!

Re. the tying of laces, I know that dyspraxia can go alongside autism. Is that a possibility? I'm dyspraxic and not autistic but I know other people who are both autistic and dyspraxic and struggle with things like shoelaces, buckles etc.

Frogs88 · 19/12/2025 11:45

There’s always time to improve things. Do you think it’s due to parenting or because they’re autistic and struggle with some tasks/situations? There’s many things my autistic child cannot do regardless of how many times we’ve gone over it. If they’re both having issues in school/college do they have the right support in place?

Original poster
ZeldaFighter · 19/12/2025 11:45

PrincessFairyWren · 19/12/2025 11:30

They are not lazy, they are having difficulty with imitation and task break down which is part of the executive functioning skills that are challenging for autistic individuals. You are not a bad mum, they are clearly loved, and you are very invested in their future and their wellbeing.

Being a mum to neurodiverse kids is hard and relentless. It is like plugging holes in a leaky bucket.

Hang in there OP, life can be a rollercoaster but you are really doing a great job. Random internet hugs.

If I listed the things my kids did wrong the thread would be 100 pages. But they are still great.

Thank you so much, that is so kind 😗 that really means a lot - Thank you 😊 relentless is the word!!! I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with your special people xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
ZeldaFighter · 19/12/2025 11:48

BauhausOfEliott · 19/12/2025 11:42

Apart from the difficulty in tying shoelaces, this sounds pretty standard for a pair of teenagers. All teenagers get a detention or whatever now and again!

Re. the tying of laces, I know that dyspraxia can go alongside autism. Is that a possibility? I'm dyspraxic and not autistic but I know other people who are both autistic and dyspraxic and struggle with things like shoelaces, buckles etc.

I had not considered that but it's clearly a possibility! I will research further - thank you for the suggestion. I hope you also have a wonderful Christmas x

OP posts:
Original poster
ZeldaFighter · 19/12/2025 11:50

Frogs88 · 19/12/2025 11:45

There’s always time to improve things. Do you think it’s due to parenting or because they’re autistic and struggle with some tasks/situations? There’s many things my autistic child cannot do regardless of how many times we’ve gone over it. If they’re both having issues in school/college do they have the right support in place?

I hope it's not me because I don't really know how to parent or be better :-( support from college seems well-intentioned but possibly ineffective. Support from school, well,...i don't want to be too critical in case they kick DC out! thank you for your comments and hope you also have a wonderful Christmas

OP posts:
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