Awkward 9 year old help!!

[AmyJahabee]

My 9 year old is so awkward and would rather not socialise.
eg today last day at school the headteacher organised a lovely activity for the kids. All joined in and dance and play in the playground but she wanted to go in classroom instead. I kept her with me saying to her accompany me to watch the performance.
she wouldn’t say hi to friends (response to someone saying hi) when I drop her off instead totally ignore them as if they had a fall out day before.
if it is up to her she wouldn’t do much social event.
she does have friends that she play with them and usually after school she is more social with them.

Do I still take her to the event she avoids? How do I help her?

I think we all have different levels of how much social interaction we want or need, and I think sometimes for certain personalities these "fun" events just aren't enjoyable at all. I'd let her lead with how she wants to be involved - encourage her but don't force her and be unbothered about if she does or doesn't join in, "you can take part when you're ready" etc.

There is 2 answers these days people will say it's autism, 20 years ago she's just shy. I would focus on building her confidence and slowly push her out of her comfort zone. Playdates, joining a club. Yes take her to the event and encourage her to join in, join in with her then slowly step back

Let her choose. Encourage gently but if she doesn't want to go, let her decline.
It sounds like she knows what kind of social contact she likes.
Keep creating opportunities but don't push her too much. As she grows in confidence she'll find her way.
Could be shyness/autism but fundamentally this is her.

I disagree letting kids stay in there box is why we have a generation of teens and young adults with anxiety who are unable to cope in the real world.

We all socialise differently. Not everyone enjoys big "structured" social activities. And I don't necessarily think it is something to fix. She may have a preference for socialising in smaller groups or 1:1. I know I do. Socialising around a structured hobby - fine. Standing in a team-building circle to share what I think when looking at an autumn leaf - not fine. Christmas meal with 60 people - fine for 90 minutes, then I excuse myself as my social battery is depleted.
I don't think my mum could have fixed any of it by making me join in when I was younger.

If she had no friends and no socila circle, then sure, I'd want to figure out what's going on. But that's not the case. We are not all party people.

Fair. But this is my experience. I was a shy child, pushed into things I didn't enjoy but have become a confident adult.
My DD was also a child who got overwhelmed by big activities. I didn't force her and guess what? She's becoming a confident young woman.
The outcome from both approaches was pretty much the same but I think my DD has had a happier time of it.

I do agree that a big part of it is just who you are as a person and the same approach will never work on everyone and I would never push if its causing real distress but I do think everyone adults and children should occasionally do things that makes them uncomfortable to help them grow as people.