I’m feeling really anxious

[Georock]

Please could someone talk me through this? I know it’s not a significant event, but I’m feeling anxious about it.

Yesterday at work (which was my last day before my Christmas break), I made a clumsy comment. Everyone’s timetables are changing, so some of us are now sharing classes we wouldn’t normally share. I work with two heads of department and two deputy heads.

While looking at my timetable, a colleague noticed that we’re sharing a class. I said yes, and mentioned that it’s the same class we’re also sharing with the head of department (let’s call her Anne). I casually said that I felt a bit stressed because I worry that Anne might scrutinise my work, but my colleague reassured me and said she’s very relaxed and wouldn’t do that.

I then confided that I don’t know why I always feel tongue-tied around another head of department (let’s call him Ben), and that he must think I’m strange because I sometimes say silly things around him (which is true). I added that I’m fine with the deputy heads because I like them and they’re nice — and I awkwardly said that I don’t really see them as managers.

Unfortunately, I worded this badly. My colleague, who is a joker and very well-liked, brought one of the deputies over and jokingly repeated what I’d said, adding something like, “I can’t believe she said this!” The deputy and I spoke, I apologised, and explained that I just meant I feel comfortable around him. He was absolutely fine about it.

My concern now is that I’m not at work today, and I’m worried that my colleague might mention this to Ben.

the funny thing is I really like Ben and Anne and both I prefer of the deputy head he mentioned this to. Especially Ben who is so much nicer to me. I’m worried Ben will hear about this and judge me and think I’m talking about him when I wasn’t or didn’t mean to. He’s actually much kinder than the deputy head but I see him very little so I get nervous around him whereas the deputy I see multiple times a day.

I know my anxious mind may be exaggerating the situation, but I’d really appreciate any reassurance, advice, or kind words to help me move past this.

Honestly, I wouldn't worry. It's the holidays now, you didn't say anything awful and no one will give it a second thought. By the time term restarts, you colleague won't even remember the conversation.

I'm a HoD in a secondary school and this conversation wouldn't bother me. I honestly wouldn't give it a second thought- too many other things to think about.

Enjoy the holidays!

I worry like this about things I've said. The reality is that the other people have likely moved on and not thought any more about a brief conversation that happened yesterday.

The deputy that your colleague called over knew where you were coming from. They have no reason to mention it to Ben. Your colleague will presumably be busy today and unlikely to have time to catch up with Ben. By the time Xmas hols are over, they'll have forgotten all about it.

Your colleague is a dick!!!! It’s Christmas everyone is too wrapped up in their own worries to dwell on what you said. Try some breathing exercises or do some exercise and try to calm your anxiety.

Thank you all for your replies! Truthfully I’m very depressed right now and unhappy in my marriage. Work is my happy place but I feel on edge that it’s going to be taken away from me. Ben and Anne have been so wonderful to me so I don’t want this conversation to go Babk to them that I’m scared if them! I really wish I didn’t say anything and kept myself isolated yesterday like I usually do. I do get nervous around Ben especially as he’s do nice to me but I’m not used to people being kind to me!

Your underlying stress is high, making you feel anxious about work too (natural) but actually you've done nothing that warrants real concern.

Your worst case scenario is inconsequential - very possibly the silly colleague could repeat that you made some pretty banal comments about being a bit nervous about sharing a class with a more senior colleague or feeling comfortable with some other senior managers. Your silly colleague looks worse here.

Focus on looking after your underlying stress and resting over Christmas.

At times of stress it can be useful to practice saying little, so think up some completely bland phrases you can roll out for all circumstances, for example 'Yes there are always changes, it'll be interesting to work with different people. How are you feeling about your classes?' so you can be chatty whilst actually saying nothing of your inner self.

I agree with PP. Your overall stress is leaking out in random places.

You need to do some TLC to get it more manageable. You can’t address it in moments of stress, you have to practice at less stressful times/places and it will lower your general stress level.

So breathing exercises, taking a bath, yoga, candles… imagine you have a bucket for the stress. When it’s really full it splashes out everywhere . You have to take every opportunity to drain a bit of stress so it’s easier to carry. It will get topped up all the time by your stressful home life, but keep doing the relaxation exercises to bail it out a bit so it’s easier.

Oo this is very relatable. I havd decided to wfh today because I am worried that I might say something stupid. Combo of tired, stress and Christmas silliness. I am also aware though that I think this more than others notice it about me.

The horror tends to fade. Give yourself some love

Please don’t worry. Your colleague isn’t a nice person to do this - you were honest and vulnerable and he was a rock.

but you haven’t said anything awful - I manage 50 people and I wouldn’t raise an eyebrow if I hear this. Actually I would think I have a team member who needs a confidence boost and would keep an eye for opportunities to make you feel more at ease.

you are fine - don’t over think it.

I know it won't be easy over the Christmas period but try to speak to your GP about taking anti-anxiety medication. It's not good for you to be living on your nerves like this.

Don't worry about relationships at work, so long as you concentrate on doing what the teacher has asked you to do (I'm guessing you are a member of support staff) and relate well to the pupils, that's all that's needed.

I disagree with the other posters, take this as a lesson not to bitch about people. Commenting on people (or your perceived reaction of working with people) behind their backs is unpleasant. Why did you feel the need to do this to two of your colleagues?

If you want a nice working environment, make it a nice environment and stop making little comments about people.

Your colleague didn’t make anything up, simply saying out loud what you were quietly spreading. Perhaps you’ll now think twice?

My colleague, who is a joker

This colleague... learn from this, this person isnt your friend. This person isnt to be trusted, isnt a confidant.

I’m worried Ben will hear about this and judge me and think I’m talking about him when I wasn’t or didn’t mean to.

But you were? What you said may have been misinterpreted, what you said may have come out wrong. But you were talking about him.

Lesson there - inside thoughts dont always have to be spoken thoughts.... What benefit (to you) comes of oversharing in the workplace?