Xmas Work Dinner

[Aquarius1234]

How to get through another works do, when you arent friends with anyone outside work.
Knowing the 3 course meal will be rubbish esp the Turkey.
Overall atmosphere will be boring/ dull.
I also cringe at anyone talking group photos.

either fake an illness or put your best positive attitude on and try and make the best of it. I think either is fine.

Just to add - I made an effort to go to a big work Christmas do that I didn’t really want to go to. It was fine, I had some good chats with people I didn’t know well but I left as soon as I could.

I've been using the old "oops, sorry, I don't have childcare that night" to get out of every works do for the past four years. They know I have a DH at home too, but clearly don't dare question me, I suppose in the event that he might have upped and left.

If you dont mind me asking, why did you leave as soon as you could? If it was going better than expected?

I've found that if I make an effort to find out about people, ask them questions and really listen to the answers it makes nights like this more interesting. I don't drink either, so I don't hang around too long after the dinner is finished. Everyone likes talking about themselves, and anyone can be interesting if you make the effort to find out.

I wouldn’t say it was better than expected, it was ok but not worthy of a late night snd being tired the next day iyswim?

Outside work hours?? Nah, no way. You've got this awful flu doing the rounds.

Just don't go, make an excuse, I'd hate for one of my staff to feel so pressured to go to an event that they didn't want to!

Call in sick if you're not worried about progressing in the company.

I know the people who don't give a shit in my company because they will call in sick for events like this. It's fine and they won't be pulled up on it, but I'm also not considering them for promotion either.

I need people who understand the importance of building relationships and operating outside their comfort zone (although I do only do Xmas lunches during the work day, not mandatory to use personal time).

That only works if they are similarly interested in you, and they aren’t always.

I hate my boss so I didnt go to mine. I just said sorry I cant make it. They cant actually force you to go to anything outside of work hours. Just say you're sick if you dont want to say you literally would rather die than be in the same room as them

I think just readjust your expectations. Don't think of it as a social event that's meant to be enjoyable, it's a work task that is necessary as part of your job. I'm sure you're capable of making small talk and eating a mediocre dinner and being bored for a couple of hours, it can't be that much worse than your regular job or doing the laundry or filing your tax return or one of the many other things we have to do as grown-ups that we wouldn't particularly choose but you get through when needed. I wouldn't pull a sickie for this personally, not that I'm absolutely against it but I'd save it for something much more important, I know MN regards enforced socialising as on a par with a trip to the 9th circle of hell but it's just a few hours and there will be wine and you'll have done your duty for another year.

Roll out the tried and trusted small talk classics, what are people doing for Christmas, have they done all their shopping, are their kids excited, what's on Christmas telly, plus the old reliables of the weather, the state of the parking/traffic in the town centre, where are they going on holidays. Ask them lots of questions about themselves, let them show you pictures of their kid/pet/Christmas tree on their phone etc, people usually like to talk about themselves. I can't emphasise enough that the point of all this is not to have a particularly interesting or enjoyable conversation (although even in a work group I can usually find at least one person who is pleasant to talk to) or to come across as particularly witty or a sparkling raconteur yourself - it's just a little social ritual to prevent awkward silences and show you take a token interest in their existence as a human being outside of work (even if it really is a token and you don't actually give a shit and nor do they).

I always hated the works christmas "do", even when I had some friends there!

All you can do is make an exit as soon as it's polite to do so.

Generally, when I'd had enough, I'd pull the person I liked most to one side, and just let them know that I was going to slink off, and then leave. That way at least one person knows you've gone, and they're not all looking for you in a few hours, thinking you might have passed out in the toilets or something.
Truly, no one cares. And you'll likely find that a couple of others will gladly follow you out! A lot of people are just waiting for someone else to make the first move to bail.

Oooh, I bloody hate these things!!

I love a random get-together for a birthday, leaving do, baby showers etc - but these “ gun at your head” Xmas parties… Nooooo

It seems to dominate the conversation for days and days before, and ages after… and you can be judged for not going, definitely. The management like to pretend imagine that we’re all so happy working for them🤮

I have been to some cracking Xmas parties that have got out of hand, and our work site was banned from many party places… but now it’s just a sit down crappy meal and

then the20- somethings go out on the lash after the meal.

Luckily I’m old now so nobody notices if I’m there or not… but I couldn’t be doing with the “you must attend” vibe. It’s in your own time…

Time of year doesn’t help if you’re knee deep in Christmas prep, busy doing decorations, or are poorly with the colds & flu that’s everywhere.

As pp said, if promotion or such is important, to you then go, otherwise… well that’s up to you 🎄

I’m disappointed you didn’t organise a night out without him!

Just don’t understand this negative attitude towards work do’s. Having worked in jobs where there are no or minimal work do’s (and certainly never been to a work party where I haven’t had to pay for myself) and now self employed, I’d love to be given the opportunity to go out with my employer footing bill. Also, a good chance to get to know your colleagues. You never know, you might make new friends!

I have been to some cracking Xmas parties that have got out of hand, and our work site was banned from many party places… but now it’s just a sit down crappy meal and

then the20- somethings go out on the lash after the meal.

Me too, I first started working in the early 80s, and Christmas dos were epic then, meal followed by disco and people really let their hair down. By the time I retired six years ago they were just a meal followed by bar crawl and strangely subdued compared with the old days. I wonder if that had something to do with the fact there were no cameras and social media in the old days, what happened at the Xmas do stayed at the Xmas do!

This is excellent advice and not just for Christmas meals. People do like to be listened to and have people take an interest in them and they will come away from the occasion thinking you are good company and a nice person to talk to.

It can also help if you remember at least some of what people tell you so that you can refer back to it at subsequent social occasions, e.g. How did your Iron Man go, are you training for anything else? Are you busy in the garden at this time of year? Did you enjoy your trip to New Zealand?

How many people are involved? If it's quite a few then surely you must be friendly with a couple of them, even if you don't meet up socially. Is there nobody that you have a chat with in the office/workplace?

I wasn't looking forward to ours as I'm in a new team which is very very young (compared to me 😁), most of them don't drink and they talk about yoga and quinoa quite a lot. I was pleasantly surprised though, had a good chat with a few of them and got to know them better .... then I slipped away and met a mate in a pub and we had a great time.

You don't have to be friends "outside of work" - why would that be necessary? Surely you chat to people at work and can manage to have some pleasant conversation over dinner?

I don't see any colleagues outside but we had a good time and lots of laughs at our Christmas lunch.

If you really didn't to attend you should have invented a clashing engagement.

You don't have to be friends "outside of work" - why would that be necessary? Surely you chat to people at work and can manage to have some pleasant conversation over dinner?

I don't see any colleagues outside but we had a good time and lots of laughs at our Christmas lunch.

If you really didn't to attend you should have invented a clashing engagement.

I am an introverted ADHD and i hate social events with people i dont know well. I have two friends I have had my whole life, and while I get on with people at work, for me there is a big line and i am usually exhausted at the end of the day as it takes a lot out of me to be social in line with work requirements! So I totally get you. I also know that to not take part, and to leave early can be frowned upon! SO it is hard. Luckily I have a child that I use as an excuse. I also prepare for them, ie try to have an easier day and think of things to talk about. You have had some rough replies on here so I think it is worth people seeing these things arent fun for everyone, and actually can cause stress!

Jesus christ, make an effort for the sake of the team and the company! MOST people don't love these events and would prefer to be out with their chosen friends or family yet they understand that a collective effort is required.

It's a meal so all you have to concern yourself with is choosing a seat then ask some non-invasive questions to the people sitting beside you; where do you live, do you travel in everyday, what's it like there I visited once but it's years ago, I'm from such and such place but now I live in X as that's where my DH is from, how long are you with the company etc.

There's no reason why it can't be a pleasant evening.

What nonsense that it’s compulsory. When the date got put out there you just needed to say “sorry can’t make that, I have a Christmas night out with friends. Enjoy!”

you are pretty much forced to go

No you're not. You might feel obliged, but that's on you. Nobody can force you to attend a Christmas dinner out of hours.

I think you're making a hell of a fuss about one meal though. I'm not a massive fan of most work Christmas dinners either, but it's not actually that difficult to just eat your meal, nod and smile if you don't want to join in conversations, and you don't have to be 'friends' with colleagues to eat a meal with them.