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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Work is making me ill

22 replies

galaxybeyond101 · 18/12/2025 20:47

I have posted on here before about how much work is impacting my life and MH. I have hit an all time low tonight and cannot stop crying.

I have hated pretty much since I started due to my manager being what I can only describe as toxic and micromanaging, to the point I cannot even send an email without her needing to check it over. She calls me every hour to see what I am doing and sends me pages and pages of feedback on every piece of work I complete.

I have only been at the company 5 months and I am utterly utterly miserable. It has caused panic attacks, anxious thoughts and lots of tears. For context, I am 27 and have had jobs before this which I have enjoyed and been very happy in, this was the worse choice of my career.

I had a few days off and felt so at ease and then today I opened my phone to see my manager sending me a long list of the work I have to complete tomorrow, it has filled me with dread and I am sat in bed crying at the thought of going to work tomorrow, I can’t take feeling like this anymore, I feel so dramatic but the job is ruining my life.

I have applied for a new role but as it’s Xmas, I won’t hear until January if I have an interview. I feel like handing my notice in and just leaving with no back up plan.

I feel pathetic that a job can make someone feel so low and how much it can impact my life. Even on a Friday evening, I fear Monday.

OP posts:

Sandrine1982 · 18/12/2025 20:51

This sounds awful. I'm sorry you are going through this! It's not normal. Please give your manager some feedback. Get a meeting in, tell her how you feel. With tears, if need be. She sounds like a horrible, unprofessional, nasty manager!!!

Enko · 18/12/2025 20:52

I saw your other post. Its so horrid when your work makes you feel this way. I can recall driving yo work crying as I did as I was so stressed about the boss I was going into. I was good at my.job too just not good at being one of her favoruites.

Can you afford to quit?

I did without anywbere to go and in truth it was a good thing for me. But it is scary.

Londonrach1 · 18/12/2025 20:53

Do you need the job to pay rent etc. Do you have savings to help if you leave to get another job. It is easier to get another job when you in a job but mental health is more important. Could you do a seasonal job if necessary. Life is very short. Next year you will get another job more suitable for you when you don't dread Monday. It's the manager not you!

Topjoe19 · 18/12/2025 20:54

I'm so sorry. I have had a similar experience, it made me mentally unwell. I did eventually complain to HR with support & I was swiftly moved to a new role within the company. Is this an option for you? I know I couldn't have done that without support though as I was so low at the time I couldn't see a way out.

YorkshireGoldDrinker · 18/12/2025 20:55

Get out when you can. No job is worth your health. Reduce your hours if you can't find a new job quite yet and can afford the hit, the economy is in a pretty horrible state at the moment. Crappy management is the #1 cause of people leaving otherwise perfectly decent jobs, so your manager is only serving to add to that statistic. Good luck xx

marthabx · 18/12/2025 20:55

Leave asap! It’s not worth it
even leave with nothing else lined up, but ideally you would go off sick and use the time to get something else asap to avoid a gap on CV. But either way just get out of there asap
so sorry you’re experiencing this. Your mental health and happiness is worth so much more than this job

Hoardasurass · 18/12/2025 20:55

Can you talk to her as that sounds like bullying behaviour from your manager

174ghxt · 18/12/2025 20:57

If you can support yourself until you find a new job, then you could leave. Bear in mind you're more likely to find another job from being in one, rather than unemployed. But I know very few people who enjoy their jobs tbh. Work is generally an endurance test and most people dread going back to work after a break of any kind. Having said that, your boss does seem like hard work. Why not see it as an opportunity to learn how to be assertive at work? Who could you speak to, at work and outside of it, to deal with your boss effectively and make the job bearable until you leave?

Original poster

galaxybeyond101 · 18/12/2025 21:00

My family has offered to help me financially but this is a last resort as I feel so guilty and like a bit of a failure for leaving. The last few weeks have really been my lowest and I am going to use the time off over Christmas to think about what to do. Although I know coming back after having a few weeks off is going to be really hard

OP posts:

SunshineOnARainyLeith · 18/12/2025 21:09

I've been in your situation and quit without another job. I would support my son financially if he were in your situation, so please don't be afraid to accept your family's help. It can be harder to job hunt when you are going through this .... your head will be much clearer and you can think straight after you've left. Be brave, a job should not make you this miserable. If you've only been there a short while you can omit it from your CV. And your manager sounds absolutely awful. Good luck, have an exit plan so you can enjoy Christmas and have a fresh start in January.

PS: Also, check out the International Quit Your Crappy Job website

SunshineOnARainyLeith · 18/12/2025 21:10

PS: Also, check out the International Quit Your Crappy Job website.

Hippiedippi · 18/12/2025 21:16

Why don’t you get some temp work while you wait for the January job to materialise? www.office-angels.com/

BobsBear · 18/12/2025 21:21

If you have a financial safety net (support from parents or otherwise), leave. I was exactly your age when I was in the same situation. I look back on that year of my life and realise I was essentially bullied by a very miserable, bitter person. I lost a lot of confidence in my ability when working under that manager. But the good news is I did walk away — I did some temping and online work (online teaching — not my career but it paid the bills) until I got back into a job within my profession.

Short story: it was a manager problem. I walked away, and then reentered the profession a few months later and of course no career/ job is totally plain sailing… but I can honestly say I’ve thrived since leaving that toxic boss.

Look after yourself. Toxic bosses can really dim your sparkle.

Original poster

galaxybeyond101 · 18/12/2025 21:21

my confidence is shot to bits, I used to feel very competent but the constant negative feedback and nit picking is making me second guess myself every day. I sometimes wonder if I am being dramatic and need to get on with it but surely most people don’t feel this way about their jobs

OP posts:

BobsBear · 18/12/2025 21:35

@galaxybeyond101 I felt exactly the same when it happened to me.

Getting out was the best thing I ever did. For myself and my career. I actually bumped into this ex boss at a work event years later and she was all friendly with me as I was in a more senior position. It a great FU moment. It made me realise my boss was just a very miserable, sad person who obviously had some issues and took them out on me!

I think some people unfortunately are just bad eggs. Bad energy. And just drain us. Getting away from them will do you wonders and I promise you there are more good eggs out there where you can rebuild your confidence again.

Princesspollyyy · 18/12/2025 21:37

Im so sorry you are feeling like this. I was once in a horrible job where I wasn’t treated very nicely. It actually made me ill and I ended up with a stomach ulcer. I regret not leaving sooner.

I would just leave, your mental health is more important. Hope you are ok x

Pumpkinmagic · 18/12/2025 21:39

She sounds awful and sounds like a female boss I once had. Completely understandable how it’s making you feel. Things will get better and you will find a job you are happy in. She will get what is coming to her one day.

Crystallllll · 18/12/2025 21:43

Is she new to management? Seems a very odd way of working. Is she not very busy? Are you her only report? This isn’t right.. ideally you need to speak to her or hr about things. Keep job hunting. Alternatively can you go off sick with stress? A job isn’t worth this.

curious79 · 18/12/2025 21:48

galaxybeyond101 · 18/12/2025 21:00

Edited

Please accept their help. I would never want my kids to suffer like this. Needlessly, pointlessly. They won’t think you are a failure - they will be relieved and delighted that their dear child has done the right thing.

can I suggest you go in tomorrow and hand in your notice, along with a complaint about this manager’s behaviour - use words like relentless micromanagement and bullying. They’ll let you go and the feeling of relief will wash over you

Unicorn34 · 18/12/2025 21:50

Could you do some temping while you find another job? I know how you are feeling and I took time off when I felt the same way... your health and wellbeing is much more important.

Marylou2 · 18/12/2025 21:51

I'm so sorry you're going through this. She sounds absolutely vile. Please make a complaint to HR about her bullying behaviour. Put all your issues into Chat GPT and it'll format the complaint for you in no time. The time it'll take for HR to investigate it all will give you breathing space and hopefully get her off your back. Call ACAS too to log a complaint of bullying. You can use this time to look for another job. Chin up OP, once you're out of there you'll feel much better.

Shedeboodinia · 18/12/2025 21:58

There is no better feeling than walking out of a toxic workplace.
Look at your finances and see how you can quit. I have a great career but i have definitely walked out of jobs in my 20s especially. It hasn't harmed my career. I just don't put them on my cv.
If you can survive financially, even if you have to cut back a lot, then quit in january.

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