Question for any social workers please.

[AmIALoser]

Currently have social worker involvement (again) due to the way EXDP treats the children following a safeguarding incident when he picked/dragged up one of the children and dangled them by their wrists leaving marks during an argument.

social worker has met with EXDP, myself and the children separately, and has advised that she would like to see us interacting with the children before doing the report.

EXDP has told me that during his visit from the social worker the social worker told him that they had no safeguarding concerns about him. Is this something that would have been said? EXDP has a habit of both only hearing what he wants to hear and lying.

thank you

It's highly unlikely that a social worker would say this, but sunlight is your friend here. Be completely open - tell the social worker what he told you, ask if she said what he claims and if so, make a complaint about her. And the next time your ex physically mistreats your child, call the police.

If you do mention it, mention it casually not as if you are accusing him of lying or the SW of saying anything inappropriate. Answer any questions about your exDP honestly but be wary of launching into an unsolicited personality assassination.

Thank you. What is sunlight?

They may have. Experience and professionalism varies widely. The main thing is that you answer their questions accurately and honestly and that you have the children's best interests at the centre of what you say. Keep a diary of all interactions.

She said she has over 30 years experience.

People say all sorts of things about professionals after they leave. A social worker with 30 years experience will have heard it all before. She will have written it all down.

is she likely to meet you and your ex together? If so simply say something like “can we clarify the reasons for your involvement here, as X has said you have no safeguarding concerns about him, can you please explain the basis of your investigation”.

It’s unlikely the sw said they had no concerns if they’re doing a child protection investigation - you can only really say that about either parent when you’ve completed your assessment.

He is your ex for a reason. Please don't attach any weight to his version of events - it will only benefit him to the detriment of your children.

Don't trust your ex on this. As a social worker I found people didn't necessarily outright lie, but would be pretty confident about their interpretation.

An example might be a parent asking me if I have proof of a safeguarding concern. My response might be I'm concerned. Parent- can you prove it? Me- don't have definitive proof at the moment. Parent - ergo, no safeguarding concerns!

Given you're both responsible for safety of the children, you have a right to ask the social worker if there are concerned, so you can take that into account when making decisions.

Being open and honest
Sunlight is the best disinfectant

Thank you everyone. I was the person who reported the most recent incident as I’d previously been advised to following the last investigation. Its so stressful and seems a bit pointless to put myself through all this stress when it appears nothing is going to be done.

I would always advise you report any incidents or evidence of abuse to the police, not just to Social Services. The police reports are potentially your evidence if needed.

I’ve known social workers to say stuff in person then totally different in report.