To raise the question re birthday card?

[NostalgiaWhore]

My parents did not send my son a birthday card or present, not even a text greeting, on his birthday. It was a significant milestone birthday and everyone else in the family made a big fuss of him. We are now going to see parents over Christmas. Should I raise it or leave it?

YABU: leave it
YANBU: raise it

Leave it.

Not even a card for their grandchild? I wouldn’t even be seeing them at Christmas. They clearly aren’t interested.

When was his birthday? You should have discussed a few days after. Leave it.

My mother in law did the same this year and didn't even show up to her GS birthday party.

Could something have been lost in the post?

how old is he?

What do you mean by significant? One? I’d expect they should remember. 16? Meh. My in laws rarely remembered birthdays and I reminded them when my stepson turned 21 but I don’t think they did anything about it. Do you think they could have simply forgotten? I mean was it a topic of conversation near the date like ‘Andrew’s 16th is next week and he’s so excited to be going to London as a treat’ or ‘can you believe it was 21 years ago when my waters broke in the middle of Tesco’? sort of thing?

Why are you going to see them? If they can't be bothered to acknowledge your son's birthday, I wouldn't be bothering to see them!

OP- That was very hurtful and not something loving grandparents would miss. I would say “I’m surprised you didn’t send xxxx anything for his special birthday “

depends when the birthday was, and how old he is - i.e. if it was 30 probably should be fighting his own battles!

Assuming he's a child I think the more relevant issue is why didn't you raise it at the time - if they otherwise always send cards and you're clearly close enough to spend time together over Christmas my first assumption would be it either got lost or they forgot rather than going straight into thinking they are making some sort of point or whatever.

It should’ve been have raised at the time. A relative (in law) ‘forgot’ my dd’s significant birthday and I’m fuming about it. My DH said he’d deal with it and didn’t so now the moment has passed and we are supposed to welcome them at Christmas - I don’t even want to see them. Ugh. Why are people dicks? What is so hard about just sending a card ffs?

Yes I would raise it. DSIS forgot DS birthday this year, when I asked if she’d sent him a present DSIS had forgotten to post it!

How old was he? Could they be keeping it to give it to him in person? Was he bothered?

He was 18. His birthday was a month ago. They knew about it because we invited them to the big family celebration, which they did not attend.

They are old and forgetful but they had very recently been invited so of course they knew! They chose not to do anything about it. I do not want to get bitter or build a mountain out of a molehill but I do think my son was hurt by it. He's a big boy and it was not a major thing but he definitely logged it and will remember it; my momma bear got rattled. I have not seen them since but will see them next week.

Surely the only significant birthdays are for adults, so 18, 21 etc. That should mean he can raise his own issues.

If you really need to mention it do it now, it’s not worth crapping all over Christmas for