Can you say no?

[bridgetreilly]

In various discussions lately, I’ve seen people saying that even to ask for something is rude or cheeky or CFery. To me, this is baffling, If I ask, I assume that one of the possible answers is no, but if I don’t ask, then I won’t know if it might have been yes. And, similarly, if I am asked for a favour, I do not feel obliged to say yes.

So, Mumsnetters, what say you?

YABU: asking is cheeky and rude and assumes you will do what they ask for.
YANBU: asking is asking and it’s perfectly fine to refuse.

I think it matters how the request is put. I run an antiques online shop and people often ask for a discount. My pricing structure is constructed to allow for a 10-15 %discount which is quite common in the antiques world. However if someone asks for a big discount in a snippy or entitled way that makes me not want to deal with them. If I get an email saying "$30?" on a $100 item my reply will be something like "My best is $85" and I will probably never hear from them again. There really is no point in telling them that greed is not a good look because they are not going to change.

Person to person if someone asks me what I consider is a cheeky favour (like the neighbour who wanted to park one of her cars on my drive) I offer to think about it and give them a price. I find that an excellent conversation stopper. 👿

You’re an “Asker” OP…… as am I.

Some people are “Guessers”.

have a read of this……

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/may/08/change-life-asker-guesser

I find it easy to say no, alongside anyone that really knows me being very well aware of my ease at giving a straight answer to a question. I have been asked by cheeky f***s to do something on occasion and I've been very happy to tell them no, alongside putting them straight as to why they ever thought it was acceptable to ask in the first place!

Depends on the question and how it is asked.

Exactly. If you ask someone to do a favour for you then you should not make it complicated and should accept no for an answer. I used to have a friend who asked for favours and if you said no she would say please and look at you with sad eyes. This was totally out of order. I have grown better with age at saying no and am prepared to call CFs out.
My lovely MIL always used to say ‘I will have to think about it’ if she didn’t want to give an on the spot answer.
Sympathy for the poster that didn’t want to be the designated driver when she was pregnant.

People can ask, and people should say no if they don't want to say yes. Or rather be able to say no, though some people do find it very hard so askers should be aware of their audience.

Also, the people receiving a no should take that as a full answer and not push or cajole. And it should definitely not be in a manipulative way to force a yes. My SIL is a one for that.

So yanbu OP, people can ask it's fine. They may be taking a liberty though, or could be entirely reasonable. Just as long as we accept a no, without explanation and excuse.