To blank my ex-manager

[xmaswoes6]

I work for a company of about 250 people in size and have been there about four years. Unfortunately I had a toxic manager for the last 18 months. She would subtly undermine me in numerous ways and it really knocked my confidence and made me feel quite anxious. Fortunately an internal role came up in another department recently and I was able to transfer. My new manager is lovely. However, I walk past my old manager in the office every now and then and she insists on saying hello, despite the fact she essentially pushed me out of my old role. AIBU just to ignore her?

I think you have to be professional but you can think unpleasant thoughts while saying a brief hello

Nope. I have had bad managers (monsters) who demonstrated a Jekyll & Hyde personality. Nice when you don’t work for them, vicious bastards when you do.

she sounds the same flavour. Just ignore, a hand wave acknowledgment, or head nod, is all that is required, if that.

I'd respond personally. I wouldn't be going in for a chat, but it's work. If I saw her out and about, I'd not bother, but I'd stay professional in my role. It's only a hello, not forgiveness.

Google how to grey rock.

Nothing can be twisted (by her) to cause you any grief whatsoever

Say good morning/afternoon, otherwise you will look like the unprofessional one. But apart from that, agree with PP on grey rock.

It would very unprofessional to completely ignore her but of course you don't have to hang around and chat with her. Just 'Hi' in response to her hello as you walk past is perfectly OK.

Be polite, but don't get involved with any jackanory with her.

I think a blank look is the only answer.

Some years ago, I had an absolute mental boss. Full sociopath, truly. She caused massive damage to my mental health, and the only reason I stuck the job out was because she ended up retiring before I completely lost my shit.

A number of years after that, I inadvertently bumped into her outside a supermarket. She stopped me, all sweetness and light.
I'm normally fairly "forgive and forget", but she's the exception.
Before she could launch into a conversation, I said, "Honestly Sue, I've got no interest in talking to you. You were absolutely horrible to me at X workplace." Then moved my trolley past her and walked off. Left her in my wake, gulping air.

I feel resentful I have to say hello and smile after all the stress she’s caused me TBH. Actually forget smiling - even just saying hello makes me feel resentful!

It is a workplace and you need to be professional. Remember managers change roles within the company sometimes and you may have to work with her again. Goodmorning Jane, Goodbye Jane. that is all you have to do.

Good point. It just seem so unfair that some managers are allowed to get away with shitty behaviour!

You don't have to like her, forgive her or smile at her. Just say morning or hello as part of your role and walk past. It's better for her to think she's totally irrelevant to you than that she's really got to you. It's a job; they don't ask you to be best friends, just to be professional.
You've moved on to better things. Time to leave all that shite in the past where it belongs for your own sake. She's a twat, you know she's a twat, she knows you know shes a twat. That's enough.

She's a twat, you know she's a twat, she knows you know shes a twat. That's enough.

Ha - I hope you’re right about the last bit!

Feel resentful away but how you behave should not be powered by her but by you and your interests instead.

Control your behaviour because you are doing that for you, never control your feelings.

She still works at the organisation so look to the bigger picture. It would look bad for you if you were caught blanking her. Just say a very cold hello.

I’m nearly certain this was where voodoo doll’s come from.

As much as I would love to completely ignore her I will resist. But will practice my coldest hello possible.

Absolutely don’t blank her. You need to be professional and acknowledge her but nothing more.

It’s depressing that you have to acknowledge someone on a regular basis who has made your life a misery.

Be the bigger person. You’ll make her feel much worse if you are always charming and friendly when she knows she doesn’t deserve it,

You wonder if these types have the self awareness to know they don’t deserve it!

Even if the don’t, if you behave impeccably, you have the inner satisfaction of knowing you occupy the moral high ground.

I would recommend being polite and professional, it is work not social. You don’t have to like colleagues of any level but you could get into trouble for being rude.

Don't look her properly in the eye. Just say "hi" and do a cursory fake smile, so you're not rude, but make it obvious that you have no interest whatsoever in conversing with her.

The barest, coldest hello, no looking directly at her.
I hope you have kept careful notes of what occurred.
You never know when they might be useful.

This type know well they are pricks, and that you can't stand them.
They like to continue to bully by forcing contact.

I had one like that.
I dead eyed him when contact was forced.

I layed very low in the grass for two years and when the chance came and I accidentally came across some really damaging professional information about them, I royally fxxked them over.

Deeply satisfying.

Also another boss that was deeply unpleasant that after I moved department had a serious Grievance made against him.
I heard about it and approached HR with a signed statement of what I witnessed, had had said to me.
He was put on gardening leave immediately after I gave my statement and HR realised that they were likely to have several other statements coming their way as staff were openly talking about it.
He never returned.

You never know when your moment might come.
We also ensured that both reputations followed them to their new positions when we learned where they had gone.

Maybe, show how happy you are to be away from her, flounce through looking your happiest.

Telling colleagues how delighted you are to have moved department with NO specifics can tell its own story too.