Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Found a sibling

45 replies

WWYDPlease · 17/12/2025 20:29

Has anyone ever been contacted by a sibling they didn't know they had?

I've been aware I had one for many years, and for some reason today I decided to do a bit of detective work, and I found them. The resemblance to my parent is unbelievable.

I don't really know what to do with this now. I feel weird.

I don't know if this person even knows that they have a different birth parent than the one they know.

Has anyone ever experienced anything like this? Contacted a sibling they found or been contacted by one they didn't know they had?

OP posts:
KTheGrey · 17/12/2025 20:31

No but I think that is sort of amazing. What do you want to do next?

NormasArse · 17/12/2025 20:31

I did, and although they are really nice, we don’t have the connection I thought we would. I have felt rejected on many occasions, but I think it’s because I expected too much (I blame Surprise Surprise 🙄).

youalright · 17/12/2025 20:35

That's amazing go for it. Send them a message then its up to them.

LetsGoToTheHills · 17/12/2025 20:45

Yes. Uncanny resemblance to my late parent who had lost touch and regretted it ever since. Sibling would have had no way of finding us. Was able to share details, family tree, the information that they had been though about, missed and looked for. I sent some personal possessions. Did it for my dead parent as much as for them, though felt an unfairness in my favour so gave as much as I could.
In reality, we have little in common (sibling was born and grew up abroad so is culturally very different), and they have a spouse who is very dominant and always there, so it’s difficult to form a relationship. I don’t feel much of a connection, and for me, being biologically linked is not very meaningful. I often forget I have this extra (half) sibling if I’m honest. May not see them again, and have no issues with that, but I’m very glad I made contact, and I hope I was able in some way to fill in missing pieces in their story.

Original poster
WWYDPlease · 17/12/2025 21:01

The thing is... I don't know if they know. I'm assuming they do because the birth certificate lists a different name than the one they use. But I don't want to blow their whole world apart. Maybe it was enough to have a look. To see their face. I've been curious for a while, but today, for some reason, I decided to have a proper look and within an hour I'd found them. It was tricky, but I'm pretty impressed with myself. They have a completely different name, but one look at them and there is absolutely no doubt. Maybe I'll sit on it for a while. I'd be interested to hear both positive and negative stories before deciding what to do. How would you feel if a stranger contacted you and told you this? They probably have no idea I even exist.

OP posts:
Twilightstarbright · 17/12/2025 21:14

How have you found them? If it’s ancestry dna or similar I would message them. Social media I would be more reticent.

Original poster
WWYDPlease · 17/12/2025 21:16

Social media.

OP posts:
MannersAreAll · 17/12/2025 21:18

I have two half siblings who likely have no idea about me as I had no idea about them - only know because of DNA test for family tree stuff.

I doubt my biological father even knew I was his (my parents were drug addicts and I suspect he was as well). He was married when I was conceived and my two siblings are either side of me age wise. He was married until he died.

I deleted my results and hid my tree as I've no desire to throw that kind of bombshell into peoples lives.

Is your father on his birth certificate?

PondLurking · 17/12/2025 21:18

Personally? I would be absolutely fascinated and would welcome the contact, even if it came in the form of an unexpected surprise. It would be a shock, certainly, but my curiosity would probably override that soon enough.

I currently have 2 half-siblings and we're very close, but that's because we were raised together. If this wasn't the case, I'd just be nosy! I'd want to know what their childhood was like, where they went to school, what kind of hobbies/activities they're into, do they like their job, etc. etc.

I'd probably annoy them 😂

MargaretThursday · 17/12/2025 21:20

You could send a message saying that you think you might be related, and see the response.

If they say "no way" then it's a different matter than if they say "actually I don't know my dad" or similar. I'd tread very carefully.

EviePig · 17/12/2025 21:23

Just don’t be surprised if they are not interested, if someone contacted me saying they were my half sibling I would have no interest in ever meeting them. Just wanted you to be realistic that it might not be the amazing thing you think it will be

Original poster
WWYDPlease · 17/12/2025 21:32

I think it was just curiosity. And now I've seen... I've seen. They seem like a cool person. Nothing outrageous or shocking. They look like our shared parent. A lot more than I do. So, it feels like a blast from the past in a massive way. But the parent we have in common left me as well as them. So... it's not as if I have a load of happy memories to share or anything. But I have an uncle I'm still in touch with who is the absolute spit of this sibling. Yes, I think our shared parent is listed on the birth certificate because the name matches mine at birth.

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 17/12/2025 22:18

My cousin, who was adopted, was contacted by what turned out to be two full siblings. They had no idea she existed until their mother died. They were all in their 40s. They wrote to her and left it up to her to contact them, which she did. It was a hard adjustment for her finding out that her parents ended up together with two other children after they had given her up. But the siblings have formed a relationship and I think she’s happy to know them and to have loads of questions about her parents answered. I did meet them and thought at the time they were trying to force a closeness that was more wishful thinking than real, but years have passed now so things may be different.

Redpeach · 17/12/2025 22:27

I would wonder why my dad was shagging around

Wobblylegs1 · 17/12/2025 22:31

I’d maybe wait until the New Year at least. You could start with a message introducing yourself by name and asking them in a hypothetical way if they would have any interest in speaking to long lost family members. Your name and photo will probably be enough for them to guess who you might be. They’ve got the chance then to choose to know you, or if they’re not ready then they can say no thank you before you have actually dropped any bombshells.

828Pax · 17/12/2025 22:44

Yes and aside from some nice, polite messages at the start, a relationship never really developed. No animosity at all but just no bond ever came of it.

NebulousWhistler · 17/12/2025 22:45

O

Greengagesnfennel · 17/12/2025 22:50

Yes I have. They did it through a charity who were the ones who made contact with me. It was a big shock - I was late 40’s but it has been a very positive experience for all of us. My recommendation is take it slow - and reach out to a charity who are experts in how to do it. It can end well but be ready for an emotional journey. Good luck!

moderndilemma · 17/12/2025 22:54

My 'cousin' (adopted as an infant) found her birth mother and discovered she had a full sibling and a half sibling. She is in contact with them all but there is no strong bond. In her words 'they are just different people with different lives and values'.

The mother refused to give any information about my cousins biological father.

Several years later my cousin registered with a dna registry and found she had a half sibling on her father's side. They have been in contact are have an amazing connection - the sister she never had. Plus her paternal sibling had spent time with living with their father (sadly deceased by the time of the contact) (also with their grandmother, and had photos and stories and memories which helped fill in some great gaps for my cousin.

Frannieisnthappy · 17/12/2025 23:00

I am 99.9% sure that I have half siblings who may or may not know about me.

I would be thrilled if they ever made contact.

BoxOfFredoFrogs · 17/12/2025 23:02

I have found three half siblings over the years.

Rhe First had never met a bio relative before (he was adopted) and he wanted a close relationship. It’s been twenty years and we see each other once a year. We anre not close but we care about each other even though we are v v different, have no shared family memories and neither of us knew our dad.

Another I met once and it was nice to find out about each other but we both have busy lives and we don’t build a bond beyond occasional likes on social media.

the third I found on social media and messaged but she ignored me. I find it odd as she lets me follow her but doesn’t acknowledge my messages or existence.

TidyDancer · 17/12/2025 23:06

There is a fair chance I have older half siblings from my dad but I don’t know for sure and other than flashes of curiosity about the family rumours I haven’t done anything to look into it. I have a full sibling whose DNA is online so if these siblings do exist then we can be found, so I suppose it’s possible it might happen one day.

Personally I would welcome the contact but I wouldn’t be looking for a close relationship from it. If it happened then I guess it would be nice but I’m quite an introverted person generally who doesn’t find it terribly easy to make new connections so I’m realistic about it in that sense.

ThatNaiceMember · 17/12/2025 23:22

DH found out he had a half sibling a year or two ago, was a complete surprise from a dna test, sadly the sibling had died. I say sadly because from all their social media it seems like they were a great person. I know I have a half sibling but currently have no interest, if they reached out to me I'd be happy to meet them but am not interested enough to look myself.

3WildOnes · 17/12/2025 23:29

I don't think I have any unknown siblings but if I did I really hope they would reach out to me.

Ikeatears · 17/12/2025 23:30

I did this. I’m adopted and used Ancestry to work out who my father is. I’m close to my ‘new’ brother, his wife, their children (dh and I were Godparents to the youngest this year), aunties, uncles and cousins. My father doesn’t really want to know but he’s polite if I happen to see him (have bumped in to him at my brother’s a couple of times etc)
it’s been nearly 4 years and my brother has fully embraced our relationship and his role as uncle to my (young adult) dc. Neither of us has any regrets and he’s happy I found him.
Doesn’t always work out like that though and I have no relationship with any of my maternal siblings (their choice).