Rushed phone calls- they're not for me!

[Christmasmadness65]

My cousin who lives 4/5 hours away likes to ring me once a month ish and its nice to catch up but she has this habit of always trying to squeeze phone calls in with me when shes on the way to other things etc. For example, she rang tonight and I was already on a call to someone else, I messaged and she was like no worries I just had 5 minutes to say a quick hello!
I dont need an hour long conversation but it seems unnecessarily stressful to try and fit a conversation in when shes busy and doing other things. I asked when she was free the next week or so and she said "we'll try and catch each other in the next few days"
This isnt a christmas busy thing as its always like this. How do I tell her this set up doesn't work for me? Just tell me an evening you are free and I'll call you. For what its worth, she's the one who more initiates phone calls so its not that she doesnt want to.

Sounds like she wants an excuse to get off the phone quickly... Do you tend to go on a bit?

I dont think so...

I think she doesn’t enjoy phone calls as much as you think she does.

But if she wants to get off the phone quickly why does she want to ring me at all?

But then why does she call me?

Probably the same reason I call my mum, a sense of duty. I always have an excuse lined up so that I can end the call sooner than she would like.

She feels she needs to call you for whatever reason but doesn’t want a long call. It’s a very very standard technique

I’m with you OP. I have a friend who calls me when she’s on a bus or walking somewhere. Not the circumstances for a relaxed catch up as she’s distracted and obviously can’t talk freely when she’s in public. Feels like she’s fitting in a duty call in the gaps between things which are more important to her. I don’t answer these days.

I'm the cousin in this. I love speaking to friends) family on the phone and I have three young kids, a house, husband and dog who all need attention. I can't really commit to a long phone call nights in advance as evenings are insanely busy. So if I'm in the car on the way home from school drop off or walking to the station for work I'll often think of calling a friend for a quick 10/15 minute catch up otherwise I'd never get to speak to anyone!

Does she have children and a partner? I can't have a relaxed phone call in my home as there's always too much going on there. If I want a good catch up with friends it needs to be out of the house. If I wanted to talk to someone on the phone a quick call on the way to or from work would be the best time.

God, I do this to my mum all the time - ring her when I'm on my way somewhere or waiting for something. It just passes the time.

Completely agree with this

Nope, she doesnt have a partner or kids.

Yeah! And I cant relax into the conversation because I never know how long she's got. At this point I'd rather she didnt call, it just feels rushed and stressful.

Surely it's better if you know it'll just be a quick chat. It's just a communication style.

If you don't wanna talk at all or want a longer chat then you either ignore the call or ring her.

You can just text 'can you text me, I'm in the middle of something so can't chat.'?

I wouldn't let it become a big deal.

Is she the kind of person who always has to be busy? A train ride for 10 mins is frustrating for her unless she Inma’s something to do and her something to do is call you.

i don’t agree she calls you out of a sense of duty and wants an excuse to get you off the phone, because she could just not call