Christmas Day - change of plans

[jmrpinkie]

We were due to spend Christmas Day at our in laws but because of imminent baby arrival and some additional monitoring we have changed plan to spend Christmas at my home.

MIL has always done Christmas. Plans it and purchases most and we all row in where we are allowed. Now that it is in our house we’re discussing meal plans for the few nights everyone is here. Deciding who is doing what. What needs to be ordered. Which I think is the right way to do it and I need to try and be flexible because I just can’t do as much and also it’s everyone’s Christmas. But there are a few things that I know will bother me if MIL interferes. Some examples.

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day table - she will have a very traditional Christmas dining table, table cloth runner etc. she will know I don’t own this stuff and I’m certain she’ll bring it. I don’t want that on my table and I’m happy to do the table my way.

plates and cutlery - we have loads of mid matched stuff and we don’t have “good” serving things. We have serving platters and crockery that are mismatched, I still love but we use them. I don’t believe in keeping things for one day. I know she’ll want to bring stuff.

do I just let it all go and let her dictate what she wants to do as it’s not going to worsen my day or do I say now “we need x y and z, don’t need a, b and c as we have it”

am I being unreasonable if I put my foot down.

It wouldn't have been my choice, but since you say they are very flexible and can react to any change of plan on the day by going to your SILs then have at it. I think you should have put that in the opening post BTW.
I agree with the others who say put your feet up and let them get on with it.

I wouldn't be bothered about her bringing a tablecloth to be honest. I'd just go with the flow and let DH handle as much as possible!

I agree. Table runners and gravy boats aren’t worth getting worked up about. You’ll have enough to do if you’re hosting - I’d let her crack on and get yourself settled with snacks.

You do NONE of it.

Not the planning.

Not the discussions.

Not the cooking or the hosting or the annoying.

This is entirely on your DH. You're growing a human being. HIS child.

You sit.

Why are you putting yourself through this? If it was me Id be having Xmas at home on my own with H and everyone else would have to get on with it.

Because we do want to spend Christmas with them! That’s us though. Everyone is different.

Love this. And I think you’re dead right. And I think we’ve suggested moving the Christmas and doing it all together. I didn’t have to so if we’re doing it I should keep it as chill for me an everyone as possible!

This.... makes it look pretty with no effort from you.

Also, and trying so hard not to sound judgemental but all your crockery ie normal plates/bowls are all mismatched? I have 2 sets but they compliment each other colour wise....neither is for "best" i just couldnt make my mind up and we needed 2 sets of whatever one we chose anyway as when all my family is here its over 10 anyway. Some of them are chipped etc.

My serving stuff is not matched though, in fact most comes out the oven and onto heat proof table toppers.

Haha yeah so not so bad that every plate and bowl is different but we have two types of dinner plates , maybe 3 side plates and the bowls don’t match the other things for example. I don’t love that and would def prefer to have all matching just haven’t got around to it!! 😂

Same as @Lovelynames123 - I don’t care about any of the ‘table dressing’ stuff, it’s completely Irrelevant to me so if anyone else has strong feelings about it that is coming to me at Christmas they would be welcome to crack on and bring whatever.
Let her lay the table and faff about over it if it makes her happy, it’s not taking anything away from you.
Way bigger fish to fry imo, this is just about the smallest Christmas issue there might be!!

I would happily sit back and let everyone else sort it out. Cook whatever, decorate the table however they want and use any dishes they please as long as I don't have to lift a finger.

Let mil crack on with all her bits and platters etc and put your feet up. Who cares how she sets the table etc

I know my mil would literally be twitching about mismatched crockery or not having a lovely table set.

There loads more Christmas's where you can host and do it your way once baby arrives.

Yes let her crack on. This year. Next year your Christmas. Time to set the boundaries.

This. Let her do all the work & you sit with your feet up. Imagine if you went into labour on Xmas Day? She'd have to take over then.
We were hosting one year & my dgs decided to put in an appearance on Xmas Day, 3 weeks early. By the time we'd finished eating the main course & pulled the crackers they were back on the ward. My dsis took us to hospital for a peek & we just left everyone else to carry on with Xmas Day without us for a bit.
Sorry I digressed there as i was reliving the moment. If you want Xmas Day at your house just relax with your feet up, let mil crack on this year. Accept all the help you can get. You can make a stand next year if you have to. And be prepared to just leave everyone to it if baby decides to put in an appearance. It was the happiest Xmas Day ever!

HRTFT but I can't believe you're hosting at all. Given that you are, a table runner and few serving dishes are not something I could find offensive enough to get upset about.
Let them all crack on, put your feet up where you can and have a lovely stress-free Christmas.