Page 2 | If you are all sharing a large platter of food do you take your full share before passing on?

passedtoosoon · 2025-12-17T15:42:37+00:00

I went to a wedding recently and the food was brought to the table on one large platter for sharing. The set up: At our table we had me, DH, sister and BIL. Then 4 friends of the bride who we didn't know (2 women 2 men) - just in case you think appetite might be an issue. We were all approx 28 to 38 yr old. Wedding was in the UK but from a different part to us. Dinner: It was handed to 'our side' first between us we took about 1/4 of the plate and passed it. To let everyone get some dinner then put the rest back in the middle to share - there was nothing left to put back in the middle. Similar issue with the wine. I wouldn't have expected that to be 'even' DH + BIL don't drink wine and I was pregnant. 4 bottles of wine in total on the table my sister got one glass and when asked them to pass it down for a top up they said sorry empty. In general they were lovely lovely people easy to talk to and very friendly YABU - That wasn't rude YANBU - It was rude

UxmalFan · 17/12/2025 16:10

LocalHobo · 17/12/2025 15:58

I think with the booze it is tricky at events set up like this. You never know if you should make your glass last or, if once a bottle is empty, the caterers will replace it with a full one.
Your table mates sound thoughtless. I think I would have had to have made a passive aggressive comment along the lines of "Let's hope the pudding is served individually or I'll be left with a small portion of that as well as the mains" but then I am a nasty, hungry person.

You may be a 'nasty, hungry person' (though I doubt it), but it is refreshing to see the phrase 'passive aggressive' used correctly on Mumsnet. Usually it is used just to mean 'aggressive'. Such a useful phrase and it's a shame if it is using its meaning.

Catwoman8 · 17/12/2025 16:11

You were trying to be polite and undeserved yourselves which backfired. I assume the other 4 guests had thought you had all taken the portion you wanted. This is exactly why we opted out of a sharing menu for our wedding .

Lesson learned for next time. Take a full share of what you want, but just make sure it is an equal portion so there is enough to go round.

Original poster

passedtoosoon · 17/12/2025 16:11

StrawberrySquash · 17/12/2025 15:55

What was the food issue? 2 people took a quarter of it between them for a table of 8? That works in the sense of you took your full share.

Then the wine it sounds like they went quite hard. Did sister drink quite slowly? That would probably affect my answer there. I wouldn't necessarily hold back lots on wine if someone else was drinking particularly slowly. Eventually table wine runs out and you have to go to the bar.

I see someone else answered you about the food.

The wine, I'm not sure what speed she was drinking. It's usually not slow so I'd say 'regular' pace. There were 4 bottles between 8 people so 1/2 a bottle pp. 3 people not drinking it meant everyone else was going to get extra anyway.

The way I saw it was let everyone have some first so no one is longingly looking waiting to see if the platter will be empty before it gets to them.

I think in future I would take my full portion. Dessert was something very odd looking which no one really touched.

It was a fun and beautiful looking wedding. But no a lot of the set up wasn't great.

We all had a wonderful time and I was glad to see the wedding cake coming later on.

OP posts:

noidea69 · 17/12/2025 16:12

They thought you had taken all you wanted.

What would point of putting some in middle to share.

CasperGutman · 17/12/2025 16:12

Platters work well for the kitchen as they don't have to plate up for every guest and attempt to deliver all those plates in a short time. In the old days the waiting staff would serve guests ('silver service') and would give everyone roughly the same portion, so this wouldn't have been an issue. The problem here was that people didn't all make the same assumptions as to the right approach to take.

It would have been better if the food had been something where the portion for a person was obvious - e.g., if there were eight chicken breasts everyone would know there was one each. Presumably here it was something like risotto or boeuf bourguignon, where there weren't eight identifiable items?

Original poster

passedtoosoon · 17/12/2025 16:13

CandyCaneKisses · 17/12/2025 16:03

There wasn’t enough food.

Ultimately I think that was the problem too. From across the rest of the family who were at different tables that was a theme.

OP posts:

Notthehill · 17/12/2025 16:14

OP ,unfortunately in these scenarios, which I hate, the people at the end tend to finish up what's on the platter, with the understanding that everyone's had their share so they might as well clean off the dish. So it doesn't do to be polite if you are offered at the beginning, as chances are you won't have another go around. Some people intentionally like to be served last so they can clear off anything left on the platter! Ugh.

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 17/12/2025 16:15

I'd have usually taken either my full, fair portion or slightly less in this scenario, because it's a PITA to be passing around plates more often than is necessary. There were 8 people and you took 25% between 50% of you.

It's a bit silly to take so little really.

Original poster

passedtoosoon · 17/12/2025 16:15

CasperGutman · 17/12/2025 16:12

Platters work well for the kitchen as they don't have to plate up for every guest and attempt to deliver all those plates in a short time. In the old days the waiting staff would serve guests ('silver service') and would give everyone roughly the same portion, so this wouldn't have been an issue. The problem here was that people didn't all make the same assumptions as to the right approach to take.

It would have been better if the food had been something where the portion for a person was obvious - e.g., if there were eight chicken breasts everyone would know there was one each. Presumably here it was something like risotto or boeuf bourguignon, where there weren't eight identifiable items?

That is far more common where our side of the family is from. You are served at the table with the main then plates of potato/ veg is shared.

Or the last wedding buffet I went to there were catering staff to put the hot food onto plates then a salads/ bread table.

No it wasn't easy to identify a portion. It was shredded meat and potato

OP posts:

dontmalbeconme · 17/12/2025 16:20

passedtoosoon · 17/12/2025 16:11

I see someone else answered you about the food.

The wine, I'm not sure what speed she was drinking. It's usually not slow so I'd say 'regular' pace. There were 4 bottles between 8 people so 1/2 a bottle pp. 3 people not drinking it meant everyone else was going to get extra anyway.

The way I saw it was let everyone have some first so no one is longingly looking waiting to see if the platter will be empty before it gets to them.

I think in future I would take my full portion. Dessert was something very odd looking which no one really touched.

It was a fun and beautiful looking wedding. But no a lot of the set up wasn't great.

We all had a wonderful time and I was glad to see the wedding cake coming later on.

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But if everyone takes their full share, the platter wouldn't be empty before the end. It would only be empty if you took MORE than your fair share. Tbh, I'd be mentally dividing the amount on the platter between the people still waiting to be served to see what my share was. So if a platter containing 24 canapes was passed to me with myself and 3 others left to serve, I'd assume the allocation was 6 each, not 4 each and 6 to be left on the platter.

Soony · 17/12/2025 16:21

One platter between 8? I might have assumed there was more to come.
Was it an odd time of day when you might expect a snack rather than a meal?

I think if the platter had come to me 4th out of 8 I would try to judge a quarter of what was left without looking at portion size of those already served.

Thingsthatgo · 17/12/2025 16:29

I would have taken my full share, especially if it was hot food. The other side of the table maybe thought the food would go to waste. Wine at weddings always seems to disappear very quickly in my experience!

SpryLilacSnake · 17/12/2025 16:29

Yeah sorry, I'd take my full portion but maybe err slightly on the side of less so as not to accidentally take too much. But I wouldn't expect anything left once it's been round the table otherwise where does it end? You pass the plate around again and on the second time take your 'full' allocation of what's left or do you have to leave a little bit for a 3rd round? Or do the leftover bits go to the hungriest person/fastest eater? Or maybe it would be fairest to have a second go around until everyone's portion looks roughly the same - but that feels like a faff.

The wine thing I'd probably have held off but it's easy to not notice who has had what on a table of 8.

catmothertes1 · 17/12/2025 16:30

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 17/12/2025 15:52

One large platter between eight sounds a recipe for disaster. So four of you shared a quarter of the food and the other four had the remaining three quarters? You should have taken your half while you had the platter! But it does sound as if the platters weren’t very generously filled in the first place.

I would hate it!

It would only work if you knew the other people very well and there was an agreement about how to share the food before everyone started helping yourself. In a situation where you don't know some of the people,it's just awkward.
I wonder if whoever handed the food to your side first,knew you would be doing the polite thing of just taking a small portion and were planning to have most of it?

Incelebration · 17/12/2025 16:35

passedtoosoon · 17/12/2025 15:51

Sorry, probably me and my lack of explaining skills!

Basically there was enough food for 8 people. Our set of 4 took a small portion in order to pass the sharing plate on quickly - as everyone was watching the plate.

The other set of 4 then split the rest. If I had been part of the 2nd set of 4 I would have also taken a small portion then put the plate back in the centre for sharing

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How much longer would it have taken to have taken your share rather than a "small portion"? Surely only seconds longer.

I think if I'd been in the second group of four I would have assumed the first group had taken as much as they wanted.

Incelebration · 17/12/2025 16:36

StrawberrySquash · 17/12/2025 15:55

What was the food issue? 2 people took a quarter of it between them for a table of 8? That works in the sense of you took your full share.

Then the wine it sounds like they went quite hard. Did sister drink quite slowly? That would probably affect my answer there. I wouldn't necessarily hold back lots on wine if someone else was drinking particularly slowly. Eventually table wine runs out and you have to go to the bar.

No, four people (out of eight) took a quarter.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 17/12/2025 16:50

I would take my full portion as the platter went round. Sounds like you under served yourself, assuming others would do that too and there would be leftovers to add more to your plate later on.

However I would ensure anyone else drinking had a fair share and not just finish the wine.

SparkleSpriteDust · 17/12/2025 16:53

I don't know why anyone would even give this a second thought.

You 4 helped yourself to food from a plate for your table of 8. The other 4 took what was left. Normal behaviour. Why would they feel the need to leave anything on the plate and put it back? It'll just go cold and they assumed that you 4 had taken what you wanted.

The wine? Just go to the bar.