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AIBU?

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Original poster

What age do 'kids' start buying presents?

38 replies

problembottom · 17/12/2025 15:08

DP has two very lovely nephews, both working full-time and both living at home so with some disposable income I guess. They are 22 and 24 and DP's DSis still sticks their names on her cards and presents, ie they don't buy their own.

Is this normal? I've been thinking about it since they each turned 20 or so but maybe I'm wrong. DP has always spent about £100 each on his nephews, they were the only kids in his family for a long time and he loves to spoil them rotten so I feel like a little token present from them to him would be nice now?

My lovely nieces and nephews who range from 12 to 19 have always 'bought' me presents chosen themselves courtesy of my DSis so maybe this is skewing my thinking as I feel a bit sorry for DP. Our DD, 7, chooses little presents for everyone in the fam too (she wants to get chocolates this year). I think it's important to teach kids to give as well as receive I guess.

OP posts:
tinyspiny · 17/12/2025 15:10

Mine started using their own money to buy for relatives from about 18 prior to that we gave them money to buy things or ordered online what they wanted to give .

Livelaughlurgy · 17/12/2025 15:10

I don't think I ever bought my aunts and uncles anything. A bottle of wine maybe along with something for my cousins. But it wouldn't have been the norm in our family. And definitely not for my siblings and in laws.

Pricelessadvice · 17/12/2025 15:10

My cousins are still like this. 30 and 26 and my aunty still puts their name in cards and communal gifts. Both have good full time jobs.
I’ve been buying them separate presents since I turned 18! More fool me I suppose.
It just doesn’t seem to enter their heads that they should buy anyone gifts or cards.

Upstartled · 17/12/2025 15:13

What does your DP think? Does he think this is a problem?

Original poster
problembottom · 17/12/2025 15:16

DP has occasionally commented he doesn't get many presents which makes me a bit sorry for him. He would never say anything negative about his nephews and he certainly doesn't give presents to receive, he's known in his family for being super generous. He's too busy with work to think about it much, it's more me being over protective I think.

This is never something I'm going to bring up in real life, I love his family, I'm just curious if it's the norm.

OP posts:
PurpleThistle7 · 17/12/2025 15:18

My kids have spent a bit of their own money buying presents for each other and us since they started getting pocket money - so maybe around 7? Obviously we top up their money but it's the start of moving towards independence.

This year my inlaws suggested a homemade theme for Christmas and my kids (12 and 9 now) have made gifts for everyone attending Christmas - so 8 gifts for the extended family.

I started getting gifts for people the first year I went to my then boyfriend's for Christmas - we were 20. I didn't celebrate it before as I'm Jewish and in our household Chanukah presents were only for children and they stopped after high school. I think it would be super weird to have my parents pay for a gift from me when I was a grown adult.

notcomfortable · 17/12/2025 15:19

My oldest is only 11 so has never 'bought any presents'
But I am the same, I have never got aunties and uncles any presents.
Just stop spending so much if they aren't reciprocating

Upstartled · 17/12/2025 15:20

problembottom · 17/12/2025 15:16

DP has occasionally commented he doesn't get many presents which makes me a bit sorry for him. He would never say anything negative about his nephews and he certainly doesn't give presents to receive, he's known in his family for being super generous. He's too busy with work to think about it much, it's more me being over protective I think.

This is never something I'm going to bring up in real life, I love his family, I'm just curious if it's the norm.

I'm just wondering if this the gift giving culture in his family. Did he and his sibling/s buy his aunts and uncles gifts as young adults?

Soony · 17/12/2025 15:26

My DC (late 20s) started buying us presents around 16 or so when they had part time jobs. They don't buy for my sister who is the only adult other than their parents who buys for them. I still buy for my niece who is 27 and it hadn't occurred to me that she doesn't buy for me.
I get that it's polite to give but I don't really care.

Original poster
problembottom · 17/12/2025 15:27

DP doesn't have any uncles or aunties, sorry that's not helpful haha, so no trend to follow there.

It's not really about the money, I don't want to him to spend less on his nephews, it's more about a token gift in return. But I'm picking up from this thread that my family are the mad ones who go a bit wild with all the Christmas presents maybe? I used to buy my auntie and uncle a present every year, all of us kids did, she's no longer with us bless her.

OP posts:
Soony · 17/12/2025 15:28

Just to add that the odd thing about it is putting the DC name to a card or present from you. I've noticed that some of my friends put from John and Janet and Tom and Jemima. I just put from DH and me.

Original poster
problembottom · 17/12/2025 15:30

I was just thinking that - does the signing kids names continue into their 30s, 40s and 50s?

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 17/12/2025 15:31

I wouldn’t ever expect them to buy for aunts and uncles.

Parents, each other, and grandparents from the start. Initially, obviously, funded by parents directly, then from pocket money, then their own money. Or handmade, or whatever. But the principle of reciprocal giving can be baked in from the start.

TheTaupeScroller · 17/12/2025 15:31

I don't want my kids to start buying presents for family! Uncle, aunties, cousins, neighbours, where does it stop.

WHEN we are invited somewhere for Christmas, we bring a gift to the host family, that's basic manners.

That's enough. They can buy something for their grand-parents if they want, they can buy for their parents if they want (me! They do buy gifts) and they have to buy for their siblings for now.

Extended family is a no for me, sorry

UrsulaBelle · 17/12/2025 15:34

We solved this by stopping presents for adult relatives once they left school, when they went to uni or started work.

Anxioustealady · 17/12/2025 15:34

Pricelessadvice · 17/12/2025 15:10

My cousins are still like this. 30 and 26 and my aunty still puts their name in cards and communal gifts. Both have good full time jobs.
I’ve been buying them separate presents since I turned 18! More fool me I suppose.
It just doesn’t seem to enter their heads that they should buy anyone gifts or cards.

But why do they have to fit in with what you want? If you aren't happy to give presents without receiving one back, just stop, you can force them to.

To OP, all families have different dynamics. I personally would never expect a present from my nephews, I'd rather they spent their money on getting themselves set up, but I'm happy to buy for them. I also think Christmas presents get a bit out of hand and stressful when you get to cousins etc.

IsItWickedNotToCare · 17/12/2025 15:37

Stopped buying nieces and nephews after age 21 as never received a thank you, they're now in late 20s, early 30s, never send a card or present back. Symptomatic of whole family apathy unfortunately.

DarcyDear · 17/12/2025 15:40

I’ve bought my aunties and uncles since I was 18. My sisters don’t but for them at all though. Thinking about it, my auntie still puts my cousins names in my cards and buys a present to me from them. They are 28 and 26.

upstairsdownstairscardboardbox · 17/12/2025 15:45

We stop for all except our own at 18. My DC buy for us and their grandparents only (all agreed). They bought for me and their dad from birth - from 3 onwards they were taken to a charity shop, given £1, and picked something independently. Seeing what they picked was amazing - DS once got DH a superman thong! Second hand! 😂

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 17/12/2025 15:48

I wouldn’t expect adults to buy for aunts and uncles unless very close?

Notexactlyasplanned · 17/12/2025 16:03

I think it’s fair enough not to buy for uncles and aunts - my dc have bought for each other and us from probably about 12 or so, but don’t buy for anyone else. They are students so cash poor tbf. I’ve made clear to family on both sides they don’t expect presents now although most of the uncles and aunts still buy for them as they have younger kids. I’d anticipate presents dying off from uncles as they reach adulthood rather than adding another round of additional present giving.

Sugarcube84 · 17/12/2025 16:16

My ds15 has bought his own token gifts for everyone this year with money he’s made selling old clothes on vinted 😂

only small max £5 and some are homemade but I’m proud of the thought and effort. He’s not bought for aunts uncles though just parents/grandparents/sibling and step siblings

MightyGoldBear · 17/12/2025 16:59

I personally don't want to ever receive presents from nieces or nephews. Where does it stop. At that age you're potentially not earning much at all. I remember being 20 and nearly having nothing left over to pay for the bus to work because I'd tried to buy a token gift for everyone. I had to tone it down. Its surprising how much it all adds up. I tried to make home made gifts but that isn't appreciated by everyone.

I don't buy for any adults now with the exception of my mum and Inlaws. Just a token biscuits/chocolate. More so my young children dont think my mum has been forgotten by father christmas.I am very happy to receive nothing but other still want to gift me things I can't use/don't like and feel put out I havent done the same pointless unwanted gift back to them.

Its all become ridiculous.

Ceriane · 17/12/2025 17:00

I was about 12 and I’d get things for my mum, dad & brother, using my babysitting money as I got older I would buy for close friends. Prior to that my dad would help me choose something to wrap up for mum and vice versa right from early childhood. I bought for close friends and when they started to have children up until about 30 when we decided to stop as it was getting expensive. I have a huge extended family so if we bought for them it would break the bank so we don’t do presents as an extended family and cards will be from a whole family so mum, dad, brother, sister and their partner/kids if they have them there can be about 12 names on 1 card we don’t do separate ones. These days I just buy for my parents, brother and his family and my dog.

TheonlywayIcoulddothatwasifyouwantedmetoo · 17/12/2025 17:19

I think it’s family dependent, I have always bought presents for my parents but my DH would rather give his parents a bottle of something and take them out for a meal instead. My teenage dc don’t buy gifts for family but they’re not materialistic really and are thoughtful with their time which is more important. Do they make time for your DH in other ways?