To think oversharing a partner’s flaws online undermines the relationship?

[KeepSomeThingsSacred]

Venting is normal. But I often see women publicly criticising their husbands in detail online - personal habits, arguments, finances, sex life.

AIBU to think this damages the relationship more than the argument itself?

No I think it's usually the husbands damaging the relationships.

Depends if it’s a healthy vent to get rid of the negative thoughts to allow them to move on.

Telling women to put up and shut up? I mean it's a choice on MUMSnet but not one I'd make.

Depends.

If they're posting about it on an anonymous forum to vent or seek advice, I don't think there's an issue.

If they're posting about it on Facebook and tagging all their friends and family, yeah that's over the line.

As above if it’s anonymous then ok. But names given in public—I can’t stand any of it. The negative stuff should be private. The positive stuff should be private.
I’m suspicious of anyone who feels the need to broadcast details of their relationship on social media.

I would never do it to my DH - it would feel disloyal & I'd be so hurt if he did it to me. We are each other chief cheerleaders. If things have got that bad that you want to publicly denigrate your life parter, you should leave the relationship. It may take time, but nothing to be gained by staying with someone you despise.

That’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m not suggesting women should “put up and shut up” or stay silent about serious issues. I’m talking specifically about publicly sharing very personal details about a partner or relationship and whether that can undermine trust and intimacy over time. There’s a difference between seeking support, talking to trusted friend or addressing problems directly, and putting a partner’s flaws on display online in a way that can’t be taken back. I’m questioning the impact of how and where things are shared, not saying people shouldn’t speak up or leave unhealthy relationships.

Many people don't have trusted friends or those friends are also friends of their partner.

Anonymous posts are all some people have.

Sometimes it helps to vent and not keep things locked up inside.
Sometimes you are driven crazy by something your partners doing, saying, not doing, not saying etc, and it keeps rolling around in your mind, gaining more and more momentum, and you can't let it go.
And then you come on to a place like here and you " overshare" or share or vent, and you get a bit of a reality check.
If an overwhelming amount of people tell you you're being ridiculous or you're not being ridiculous, if they support you, or splash some cold water on you figuratively, this can all be very helpful.

So many people just accept abuse of behavior and think that it's only happening to them, and then they find out that this is so common.
Or, they make a big flipping deal out of what other people consider to be nothing, and if the person is mature enough to actually read all these comments, think about them and take them to heart, they might say you know what, I got to rethink this. You guys have really opened my eyes.

Obviously you don't want to share names or information to the point that the other person could possibly be identified... You're not trying to hurt anybody, you're just trying to either let off some steam and/or gain some perspective. Nothing wrong with that.

Where do you "often" see it? I don't think I have ever seen it anywhere except an anonymous forum.

Wow - still here?

Have you seen this detailed online criticism undermining a relationship OP? Please give some examples.

I can’t see how posting anonymously on an online forum can affect the relationship. The subject of the discussion isn’t likely to find out. But it can help gain perspective if it isn’t a healthy relationship.