To ask what you would do for your teen here?

[Wherestheteenguide]

Sorry to put this in aibu not education but need swifter answers!
My son is bright but autistic. Verbally he's an A grade student but he just cannot seem to manage exams. He just goes to pieces even with extra time, solo room etc. he's also struggling with the overwhelm of college overall so his attendance hasn't been great either which isn't helping staying on top of work.

As a parent I don't know whether to push for him to get his A levels as he's bright or scrap the idea and find a better environment for him. We're not that bothered about a uni route anyway given the cost.

What would you do?!

What does he want to do?

How did he do in his GCSEs?

I'd probably look for an alternative route if he's happy with that.

If he really wants to do A-levels and go to Uni then I would support him to do that.

Is he year 12 or 13? If the later I think I’d push on to the end of A-levels (assuming he’s already started them). I think he needs to consider the alternatives and what not doing a-levels could impact beyond college. Might he be better in the sixth form of a school? They tend to be smaller and more structured than college.

I would speak to the local FE college(s) about level 3 qualifications that are based on assessment.

I’d have a chat with him and ask him what he wants to do. Please don’t push him to do something he doesn’t want to do. The academic route doesn’t suit everyone.

It depends on his aspirations and his likelihood of reaching the outcome he wants. You are going to have to get him to really see himself as he is and to understand his limitations and choose from there. It's tough! We chose to pull ASD DD from school to do online school and she wants to do 7 GCSEs. She is struggling with the executive function needed and we are providing support but we are aware that this may end in tears. She wants to go to University but I doubt that that will be possible for her. She's bright but so easily overwhelmed and then buried in migraines and anxiety for days. It's scary and worrying but she can only cope with what she can cope with. I'm not sure I helped but you are not alone.

Edited to add: I re-read your post and if he isn't coping and he is ok with dropping out then I'd do that and find another way for him. However this is based on watching my own DD drown and having had to pull her from school.

It needs to be his decision ultimately. But if he is likely to fail his ALevels it doesn't seem a good idea to continue, he would be much better off doing a vocational course that doesn't include exams. Why did he go for ALevels if he struggles with exams and doesn't want to go to uni?

He's not entirely sure. He likes IT but he doesn't have a specific passion.

This sounds very similar to us. Have you got any suggestions as to further support. I think he wants to do a levels to prove his intelligence more than anything else.

I'm so happy for him to take a non academic route. It's him putting pressure on himself to do it more than anything.

He got straight Bs and seemingly coped well. It was only after when he had a breakdown that we realised the extent of damage it had caused him mentally and physically (he coped by self harm).
I'm actually pleased he's being more real now but the reality is he's not able to keep up I think.

I was wondering whether school environment would have been better. College has been so much better as supporting his needs ASD wise but it also requires a much higher level of independence. Sadly his school didn't have a sixth form. Another school local to us does though and I'm wondering if that would be a better fit.

Ps he's year 12

A Btec might have been a better option for him. My son had similar issues except it also affected his GCSE's. He did a Btec and got Dstar Dstar D and is now currently at university.

Don't make him continue with A levels if that is not whayt he wants to do. There are lots of other options for him.

Level 3 qualifications with a more modular approach at a supportive sixth form?

Btec diploma would be better for him at college.

My asd dc1 did a btec as the modular approach was better for them. There were two exams on the course which could be resat which actually helped with anxiety (didn't need a resit).
Went from there into employment with the nhs (related to btec subject) after less than a year they asked dc to apply for foundation degree which has now been completed (payed for by nhs and got a wage too). Dc next step will be the full degree which manager will support however just waiting for funding as theres a freeze on at the moment. It will take longer but has been a better way for dc to do it. Dc wouldn't have coped with full-time uni (one day a week was bad enough).
Dc3 is in y12 doing alevels at same school as they did gcses which is hard going but I know a btec would be wrong. I feel we're walking a type rope everyday. Dc struggles and school have been reasonably supportive but I don't know what support would help. Can you pinpoint what hes not coping with? For dc1 it was exams which btec helped reduce. For dc3 its the social aspects of schooling which would be no better (maybe worse) in a college with less structure. So for dc3 sixth-form alevels is not perfect but we say it's the best of the options and just trying to get through to end of y13.

@Bedtimewithoutissues123 thank you. I found your post encouraging. I don't know much about BTEC but that does sound maybe a better fit. Weirdly he's enjoying college from the social side, just exams he's struggling with. They are constantly assessing though which his school never did.

Would a day a week doing some sort of work experience /working or volunteering be helpful? It would give him confidence and help him to work out what he wants to do?

We are still trying things. El wants to keep up with her peers and go to 6th form on schedule. I was willing to split her GCSEs across 4 years to give her more time and a slower pace but she wants to do them in 2 as normal. Would your son consider doing less subjects so 1 A-level over 2 years and then another 2 years later for example? He will be older than others in his class but at 17/18/19 it isn't too big an issue and I have found my daughter maturing more slowly than her peers. The B-Tec, Foundation Degree route is a good one and that's what we have as a bit of a back-up plan. If GCSEs don't work we are hoping she can do some sort of Foundation course at college.

We keep other demands at home as low as possible but when even a hair cut is challenging and she still wants to see friends it is hard to make it "no demand". We also talk quite openly about her disability and make sure she understands that she is no way less intelligent than others getting better grades, it's just that half her energy goes on just surviving her surrounds before she has opened a single book.

But they are stubborn so being ready to catch him if he falls and having backup options to suggest once the inevitable meltdown is done is possibly the best you can do. Would that we could fix things for them, but we can't.

How did he do in his GCSEs and did he revise? He may be better suited to something vocational like a Diploma L3.

I think there is a big jump between GCSEs and A levels.

BTECS definitely. Its coursework based so no exams.

Not too bad. All Bs and he revised throughout. Maybe it's just the jump.

Worth looking at BTec, also worth considering doing a levels over 3 years rather than 2 - taking the pressure off in terms of not sitting them in 18 months may help, as well as the extra maturity. Or sit them as exams are still quite far away and resit if necessary.
Have you spoke to his tutors to get a feel for what they think his potential is?

@TreeDudette 7 is a lot in one go from home. Could she spread them out across a couple of years?