Mentally draining friend causing anxiety

27 replies

VictorianRose87 · 17/12/2025 11:39

I can't deal with my friend's constant complaints and negativity any more, it's really wearing me down.
She's suffered with anxiety and depression for the past 10 years, which she won't get professional help for. I've tried my best to support her all this time but I really can't take it any more. She's became extremely needy and self absorbed.

We communicate through Facebook messenger as we live far apart, and she's sends me messages every day. It's just a constant stream of negativity, all her worries and woes. Never asking about my life or how I am.

Over the past couple of months I've been trying to distance myself. I take a couple of days to reply (but new messages keep coming) or I'll "react" to a message to acknowledge it, instead of replying.

It's starting to really affect me now. I feel like she's dragging me down with her. I have my own problems at the moment and I don't have the mental capacity to deal with hers too, I don't even want to hear about them. I'm now at the stage that when I see a message pop up from her, I feel anxious. It fills me with dread.

I've changed the settings on messenger so she can no longer see when I'm online, or when I've read her messages.

I don't want to hurt her or make things worse for her. She only has two other friends, who she also doesn't see much, so I know she's lonely. She has expressed jealousy when I spend time with other friends, which also makes me feel uneasy.

If anyone has any advice on how to deal with this or what I can say to her, I'd be really grateful. I feel like I'm being a terrible friend, but I really be to put myself first at the moment.
I'd like to tell her I'm taking a big step back. I just don't know how to do it, as I know she won't take it well.

OP posts:

Thecows · 17/12/2025 21:49

toomuchfaff · 17/12/2025 13:47

I think you need to be reminded

Its not your responsibility to fix her problems
Its not your responsibility to make her happy
its not your responsibility to make sure she is heard
Its not your responsibility to manage her emotions
Its not your responsibility...

Drop the rope. (google)
The Meaning of "Drop the Rope"
"Dropping the rope" refers to a conscious decision to stop participating in a tug-of-war dynamic within a relationship or situation. In a tug-of-war, both sides must pull for the struggle to continue. By "dropping the rope," you are unilaterally ending the struggle, accepting the situation as it is, rather than fighting to change the other person or the circumstances.
This action is not about not caring; it is about setting a boundary and taking responsibility for your own emotional well-being and energy.
"Energy Vampires"
An "energy vampire" (also called an "energy sucker") is a popular psychology term for a person who emotionally or mentally drains others, leaving them feeling exhausted, stressed, or overwhelmed after interactions. These individuals often feed on the willingness of empathetic people to listen and care for them.
Common traits of energy vampires include:
Constant need for attention: They always want to be the center of attention and talk about themselves.
Lack of accountability: They rarely take responsibility for their actions and often shift blame onto others.
No reciprocity: They take energy but do not offer support in return, making the relationship feel unbalanced.
Drama and negativity: They may thrive on crisis, complain a lot, or be overly negative, creating conflict.
How "Dropping the Rope" Relates to an "Energy Vampire"
When dealing with an energy vampire, the "rope" represents the draining interaction itself—the argument, the endless complaints, or the emotional manipulation. By "dropping the rope," you effectively turn off their energy supply, as they can no longer feed off your reactions or attention.
Strategies for "dropping the rope" with an energy vampire often involve:
Setting firm boundaries: Clearly communicating what behavior you will and will not accept.
Limiting interaction: Minimizing the time spent with the person or creating physical/emotional distance.
Refusing to engage in conflict: Not getting drawn into arguments or drama.
Prioritizing your own needs: Acknowledging that your well-being is important and you deserve relationships where you feel valued and safe.
Taking these steps helps preserve your energy and protect yourself from the emotional distress caused by the draining dynamic.

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Perfect explanation

Soonbefriday · 23/12/2025 23:10

I hear you and have just posted about a draining friend. Sucks the life out of you and I think some good advice has been given about setting some boundaries - like I didn’t to my detriment. As long as you’re kind, you can allow yourself to step away for your own peace - whether that’s temporary or permanent. Good luck

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