Summer Holidays

[Goingbonkers247]

So basically my partner and I live together with our 2 kids. He has one from a previous relationship and so do I.
My SD(will be 12) is planning summer next year to go with her uncle to stay in America for most of the 6 weeks holidays. Uncle will pick her up when he's here in UK and take her back with him. My partner and I had been planning a week long summer family holiday for the 4 of us but is now saying we wont be if she goes away.
We've had it previous where MIL took SD to America to visit same uncle and my son was not invited,1 as he's technically not her grand child and 2 as his dad would not allow it. but when I then said i would plan a long weekend for us my partner wouldn't come as he said it wasn't fair on his daughter.
now again he's saying we wont need a family trip as SD is in America. I was looking forward to a break and think i will plan to take my son for the holiday instead. If my partner wants to come he can but i doubt he will.
Am i being unfair in thinking we should go all together as SD clearly just wants what she wants and we should not be left having to cancel because of her.?? or is it unfair if we have a week in Spain while she is in America?

I don't understand your partner's reasoning but I wouldn't waste energy trying to convince him to spend time with you. Take your son on a holiday and have a great time!

He’s being awkward. His DD has chosen to spend her summer elsewhere so can’t reasonably expect to be included in a family holiday. It’s nothing to do with “fairness” it simply sounds as though he doesn’t want to go on holiday with you. Book something for you and DS. Consider whether this is the sort of relationship you want to be in, with somebody who isn’t willing to holiday with you and appears to use his DD and pretence of it being unfair or too complicated as excuses.

I get his point. It’s not a family holiday if his daughter isn’t there as he has 3 children so one not being there means his family isn’t complete. But that’s not a reason your kids should miss out on a holiday. Maybe try to rebrand it as something else. Ultimately If your partner doesn’t want to go then so be it, go without him.

I think he doesn't want to use annual leave on going away with your son. I'd leave him at home and go away with your DS. Let him know that you're disappointed.

YANBU.

Book something lovely for you and your DC. If he isn’t coming, maybe you can afford somewhere fancy!? Or two weeks?

Your partner also needs to be realistic about his view of “family holidays.” His DD is approaching her teens, in the years to come she’ll in all probability be less and less keen to go on family holidays and day trips with her dad, stepmum and step brother in favour of spending her time with friends or other relatives. It’s part of growing up, and the same for older children in many nuclear families. If he’s going to refuse to do any fun stuff which doesn’t involve her, your lives as a couple and family aren’t going to be sustainable.

Thanks. we took them both this year to Egypt for 11 nights and we loved it but it was a bit too long for the kids, so next year decided we would just go for a week with the kids, then his mum said SD is going to America with the uncle so now I heard my partner saying we need to know the plans so we can book ours. I have to request time off work in advance but my OH is self employed and currently only working part time due to a bad back.
He is saying we can do a holiday without the kids and just go together or wait till she is back. I don't think this is fair on my son. I will wait till Jan as the uncle said he needs till then to arrange things.
This year was an odd summer as we were in Egypt then my partner and his daughter went to America but I could not go due to work commitments and then my son and I spent 2 weeks in Australia as I found out before going to Egypt that my sister was terminally ill and may not make Christmas. Partner and daughter could not come as she was starting secondary school and needed to attend induction week. I have a really stressful job and wanted a nice break so will probably plan and he can choose if he wishes to join us.