Irritable and Angry and I don’t know why

[Tiredandconfused36]

Hello, this is not really an AIBU but I’m posting here for traffic.

I am really struggling with anger and irritability and I don’t know why. I had a third baby 16 months ago. I was very sick with the flu when I was pregnant, and I was then sick with various illnesses and needed minor surgery shortly after he was born. I was (according to the doctor) extremely run down and exhausted. I had bloods done and vitamin d was low which I take supplements for now but everything else was fine.

I am better now, no longer sick and run down. But I am really struggling with my mood and my temper. I am snappy and irritable with my children, in a way I never have been before, even when struggling through illness etc pregnant / with a newborn. I am snappy with my partner. I feel unhappy a lot of the time. I don’t understand why this is happening or where it has come from. Three children is a lot but I have a lot of support (cleaner, youngest goes to a childminder a couple of short days a week so I have a break, helpful family members nearby). My partner works long hours but is supportive and loving. I feel completely unlike myself, and I don’t understand what is going on or why this is happening. My life has its stresses like anyone’s but things are generally good and I have come through various more stressful times without behaving like this.

I am 37 soon, which feels too young for perimenopause although my cycles have shortened (which I have put down to the third baby?).

Has anyone else experienced this and could help me ? Should I start on anti depressants, would that help me ? I don’t know what to do and I hate who I am at the moment. My family deserve better than I’m giving them and I just desperately want to be back to my normal self.

I've been on a low dose of citalopram since my DD was about 1 for this exact reason. It's really helped to take the edge off the irritation and snappiness. Someone recommended it on a MN thread a few years ago. I hadn't considered it because I didn't feel depressed as such, but it's made me much easier to live with.

I did a lot of therapy years ago but this feels more hormonal than anything else because there doesn't seem to be a reason behind the irritation.

Thank you. How long have you been taking it for ? Have you ever tried coming off it and seeing how you felt ? I’m worried if I start taking something I’ll never stop as I genuinely don’t know what’s happening to me.

Have you had your B12 levels checked? Every other day injections of the massively helped me and my mood!

I had them checked about a year ago and everything was fine apart from low vitamin d. I will go back to the gp and ask them to check again.

I wouldn't rule out peri. It can start in late 30s and I don't think shortened cycles is typical after having a child but I could be wrong. Make an appointment with the GP.

Talk to your GP. Anger can be a symptom of depression. I went on an anti-anxiety medication to help with this. Ask them for one that won't make your weight go up.

Thank you. I shouted very loudly at my partner when he came in to give out son another bottle, we are on holiday with paper thin walls and the other families will have heard. I am too ashamed to go to breakfast. I don’t know why I am behaving like this and my behaviour feels completely out of my control. I will make an appointment with my GP.

People often snap on holiday so please don’t feel embarrassed, no one will give it a second thought.

im 41 now and felt exactly like you for a few years - so angry over the slightest things
ive got citalopram and now I’ve started on HRT and the difference is amazing

Morning OP. You poor thing. I also think this sounds like it may be hormonal.

Do you have PMS usually? If you have short cycles you may be on a bit of a roller coaster. Mine are every 24-26 days.

My PMS got worse from my mid 30s (im 40 now) and three years ago I finally went to the doctor and was diagnosed with PMDD. I take citalopram half the month (when I feel the irritation/rage creeping in). I stop when I come on my period. I feel fine coming off them each month, it just keeps me on an even keel.

In some people, fluctuations in hormones can have severe impacts on your serotonin levels, which can be treated by SSRIs when needed, vs for depression which you would need to take them daily.

For me, the main symptoms of PMDD are

Irritation - my kids touching me make my skin crawl sometimes, I know that sounds awful but I know its a clear sign I need to get on my meds! I sort of feel keyed up and on edge all the time. My husband can sense the vibes radiating off me.

Outbursts of irrational rage - screaming at my husband and kids, unable to let it go even though I know im being unreasonable. Almost out of body and often over things a few days ago I'd have let go over my head.

Binge eating

Lack of effort to keep house clean, do anything at work - im usually very tidy and focused. Everything is an effort. Yet I'm totally overwhelmed and disgusted by the mess. The house just "feels" dirty - even though it would probably only take me 10 mins on a good day to get it sorted!

On the flip side, once Im out the other side I almost feel super human with energy, love and focus! Wish I could bottle that part!

I didnt know that you could take anti depressants in this way before my diagnoses and many others (including medical professionals - luckily not my doctor) dont know either. So I share when i can, in case it helps someone.

Please dont beat yourself up OP. Whether this is hormonal or something else you are not a bad person, or a bad mum. You're on here asking for advice, because you care. You will get the the bottom of this, and you're not alone.

Thank you so much. It does make me feel better to know I’m not alone. I will definitely be talking to my GP about all these suggestions.

This. Anger can be a symptom of depression

Also please try not to be hard on yourself. You've been through a lot. This too will pass 💐

I don’t usually have PMS no, but I have had a very strong hormonal reaction after birth (tearful, emotional, all over the place) so I have experienced hormonal shifts. I am due my period shortly though so I will monitor my mood and see if it shifts after it comes.

I may be completely off to suggest this, but could you get your urine tested in case it’s a uti?
I have had treatment for a uti, without me having the classic symptoms of frequent urination or stinging.
However I, (and others) can feel very irritable and confused as to why they are feeling that way, but the testing did show up that infection, blooming horrible symptoms.
Just a thought, apologies if it a wrong guess.

oh and like another pp, do get your B12 levels checked.