AIBU to feel disappointed about gift?

[HGC2]

Found my Christmas gift from DH sitting on the table not hidden, the receipt accidentally left on the stairs which I saw as I was clearing up. I like it, he got me the same for my birthday, but it’s not the thing I really wanted and had mentioned, but what’s got me is that my gift is the only one he’s to get and he can’t even try to surprise me. I do all the kids, make sure he gets nice things and I really am happy to do it, but no surprise or effort made for me.

How do you know it’s the only gift he’s got for you?

He might have got you something else? I think it’s lovely he has bought you something. husband and I don’t do Christmas gifts for each other; it’s all about the kids:

Next year I would be really clear about what you want. Obviously it would be wonderful if everyone was good at selecting excellent, thoughtful gifts. But failing that good communication is key. Better than setting you both up for a fall.

He told me when I said I’d seen it. We also set a limit on cost and this is it. He thinks im being silly and I probably am, just when I spend so much time making it nice, the lack of thought hurts

I think it’s a bit shit if he only has one present to buy and he puts minimal effort into it. ( just out of interest why does he only have one to buy… does he have no family on his side that he buys for )

Think yourself lucky - I bought and wrapped my own pressies from DH - his surprised face will be greater then mine lol

But Im not bothered. It really doesnt bother me - its Christmas, not my birthday, we give gifts only because of tradition Birthday - Its up to him to get it right or not bother and get a bit of gyp from me - TBH hes good on Birthdays as he knows I prefer experiences , so it will be a weekend away, a concert, theatre tickets - even if they are bought a year in advance

It's hard to judge if it's a nice gift or not without being told what it is

I agree it’s disappointing. What’s the budget? Do you want the gift? It’s not too late to tell him to change it.

He got you the same thing for your birthday?
Unless it's food, perfume, drink etc then why would he think you want the same again?

It’s a beauty product that I do like but he gave me it for last Christmas and my birthday! I think if I’d even just opened it on Christmas I’d have made a joke about lack of originality, just the fact he couldn’t even put it out the way!
he doesn’t have any family left so just our kids and I do them through choice.
i gave him a list of ideas too!

@HGC2 tell him to return it.
The same thing as your birthday AND last Christmas.
Honestly 🙄

I know……

He got it because it is a safe bet . He knows you will use it . If he has other decent characteristics having a lack of imagination isn't the worst . Unfortunately I think the days of surprise appropriate gifts has passed .

Do the same back to him next time, show little effort. It is the only way people learn

It is a safe bet, just sad I don’t warrant more thought, or at least for him to click on a link for the gifts I’d said I’d like! It could be worse and I’d return it but it’s from a local company so I’d feel bad.

My DH prefers a safe bet, tends to stress about underbuying or disappointing. One Christmas at his works do, it was revelatory how many people secretly buy their own alternative gift <hint>,

I get a card and a takeaway on my birthday regardless, I not that fussed but we only buy token 20 quid gift at Xmas, this year is his 50th and I really wanted to go all out but why would I when he shows no effort where I'm concerned, I bought a hundred pound voucher for his fave restaurant, and his daughter has requested we go there after Xmas so fallen good as I'd of been expected to pay do its worked out well😁, he loves me he's just not great at effort with things I respect it is what it is and crack on suggest u do same buy yourself Xmas bits I intend to🤣🤣

This is just rubbing salt into the wound! She is upset her DH buys the same thing, doesn’t bother to make it a surprise and this upsets her (quite reasonably). But she should think herself lucky compared to you because you are not bothered about the way you do Christmas, but your DH prioritises your birthday and puts effort into that because that matters to you? How on earth does that mean she should think herself lucky when she gets none of that!

My DH and I don’t bother with Christmas or birthdays. It doesn’t bother me because that is how we have ended up through mutual agreement. Doesn’t mean I think that would work for everyone else.

OP it’s shit, you are not “just being silly”.

It’s hard to sort - I suspect he’d like nothing better than you just saying you’ll not bother in future, because he’ll just see that as permission not to bother either as he probably won’t care. But you will still feel rubbish.

I don’t have any answers, but I just want to acknowledge how bad this is.

That's such an insensitive post!

I'm sorry @HGC2 . It's really shitty behaviour from your H. Why don't you tell him to return it and buy you something you want? Or LTB, obviously, if he's generally crap.

Hard agree!!!

I know how you feel although I am single and have been for years. So my friends are important. So far, after 2 fab social occasions with gifts I now have 3 scarves and a hot water bottle - oh and a diary. I am menopausal and use a fan every night so no need for hwb, I hate things round my neck and never wear scarves, I have never used a pocket diary. 😞