To contact an ex again - broke up because distance was just too mucb

[chickenwraps]

So I had an incredible relationship with someone early this year. Bear in mind, it only lasted 2 months. I know lots of you will say straight away that it wasn’t a relationship. But it felt like it. It was the best 2 months! In those 2 months I met his parents, his children. He wanted this. We got so well.

the issue was that we were 100 miles apart. Initially we thought it would work out because we could meet up in the middle / London and visit each other on weekends. That’s what we did. And he could work from anywhere. Or so he said.

Haven’t been in contact at all for 10 months. And I took the breakup hard but I’ve completely moved on with my life. Single but happy. Genuinely content.

what changed is that I saw his profile picture last week on Whattsapp and I’m just wondering how he is.

I guess I’m looking for an excuse to wish him merry Christmas next week.

would that be ok?

You met his parents and his kids in a two month fling that was 100 miles apart? Christ that was intense.

Clearly you are going to contact him no matter what people say so not sure the point of the thread but you fill your boots, you are an adult after all.

I think it's okay to say Happy Christmas, as long as you're aware he might ignore it, or might tell you he's with someone new, or whatever. Ot might not get the response you want. But if you don't do it, you'll never know, and you'll always be wondering, so you'll ignore all the posts which will tell you not to have any contact anyway.

I wouldn't. Your paths crossed briefly, and you have now gone your separate ways. Move on with your life.

As PP said, no harm in wishing him merry Xmas if you are prepared that he might not reply, or he might give you an update of his life and say that he's now with somebody else, or he blocks you.

I can understand wanting to message him. I always want to message people this time of year too; it makes me very sentimental!!

I guess given the timings you've not had a post-break-up Christmas yet. And if you are now moved on from him then it might be nice to just say hi. I have had people message me out of the blue and it's made me really happy!

I think the danger is if you think you've moved on but actually you haven't, and you end up expecting more will come out of this exchange than will actually happen. Especially as you say you had such a wonderful time together etc.

I don't think it really matters whether other people class this as a relationship or not; everyone has their own standards and it sounds like you fitted in a lot in those two months. How old were his kids? I do find it a bit odd when people introduce children to new partners so early on. But if they were in their 20's or something and you just briefly met them for a coffee / crossed paths then that would be totally different to taking young children to a soft play for the day as "Daddy's new friend". As kids do pick up on whether someone is actually in a romantic relationship with their parent / carer, even if they are not introduced as such. Does he not generally see his kids at weekends, if you were planning to see each other then?

What happened with his working from home from anywhere? Did he renege on this or did his circumstances change?

Sorry op I asked you tons of questions in my reply!! Please don't feel obligated to answer 😳 those were just my initial thoughts which I would be asking if it were a friend posing this dilemma x

Insane meeting his kids & parents after 2 months.

Given how fast he moves I hate to break it to you but he will have moved on and probably had 3/4 different "amazing" relationships since then.

I'd have zero respect for a man who wanted to introduce me to his parents and kids that quickly, especially not knowing how the relationship would work with the distance. I would have run a mile then.

Thanks to those are have been kind.

PimPom, lots of questions.
I would be okay if he ignored it, or says he’s with someone else or whatever. I doesn’t matter because I genuinely moved on with my life. I’m content.
Yes, it is a sentimental time of the year.

You mention that there is a danger that I think I moved on but haven’t actually. I’m not expecting anything at all. Nothing can happen. We can’t get back together or anything like that. We live too far apart. We need all our kids to be off to uni, not that I would wait for this person.

The kids between us were 20, 18, 17 and 11. No toddlers meeting a girlfriend at soft play.

How we saw each other was I visited him - he had his children all the time with him.
And he came to me on the weekends when my children were with their dad. They were ok to be on their own for a night or so.
I’m the one with the 10 year old, so I would be really careful with a younger child.

What happened with him working from home anywhere. He did say this initially and it was true. But our lives were both busy. And in March he realised that he was going on a work trip and I had a family holiday booked over Easter, and between all of this it was a month of mismatched weekends / when I was without my children, he had something on. And it was really hard but he found it just so hard, the distance. And that both our lives were actually very busy.

Ah I do sympathise. I have had similar where I have had a real connection with someone but the logistics just haven't worked out. Because exactly like yourselves, even if you commit to every weekend or every other weekend, when you factor in trips away, school holidays when contact with your ex changes, pre-booked visits to friends you haven't seen for ages... It works out at a lot less time spent together than you think it will 😰 Just broke off something last month for this very reason. And then factoring in on top of this, living too far apart to have the odd ad-hoc meeting mid-week.

I would say though given the circumstances, why not message, sounds like a mutual split. Hope it goes well for you! X

No, don't contact him. You're hoping to tell rekindle things, that's why you want to get in touch.

You had a super brief relationship that he tried to rush by introducing you to parents and kids within 2 months. You and he realized the logistics were shit and never going to work and your lives didn't fit.

You move forward in life, not backwards. Especially when there's love bombing and long distance and incompatible lives involved.

“Or so he said”.

I would say leave it, but I would also be surprised if you do.