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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Row over pictures

24 replies

user1496401067 · 16/12/2025 12:37

Hi all. DH and I (both in early 40s) have had a dreadful row and I don’t know how to fix it. Been married for 7 years. I’ve had instagram for slightly longer but rarely post. Total of about 15 pictures on there - mainly of buildings / pretty tourist spots when we have been on holiday. Only 2/3 photos of us together or with our 3 kids.

last week, I decided I didn’t want any personal pictures on there. No reason why except I didn’t want pictures or something private on there. Something I thought about for a while but should have discussed with him. Didn’t think a big deal but I deleted the “people” pictures ie of me and him. The kids pictures also deleted. Only ones left are the touristy ones. Well, he found out and went mental. He’s usually fairly calm but now he isn’t speaking to me. Accused me of acting like I’m single and want traces of him deleted although I only have close family and friends on my list anyway. He hasn’t been speaking to me for 3 days and when he does, it’s one word answers.

He is usually pretty calm and we don’t argue that often but when we do, he does give the silent treatment but that’s usually for a day or two. It’s never been as long as this. I’m at my wits end.

Was I in the wrong here? I didn’t think a big deal but I deleted in bed, at night, impulsively and he discovered the same night before I could even tell him and now I feel I’ve done something wrong.

OP posts:
JudgeBread · 16/12/2025 12:44

This is really, really embarrassing behaviour for a grown man in his 40's.

You absolutely do not have to discuss your Instagram account with your husband before you upload or delete anything from it, as you are no longer in highschool.

If my husband ever gave me the silent treatment over something so trivial and stupid I'd be packing him off to his mother's until he's ready to act like a grown up again.

Catza · 16/12/2025 12:44

It's not your problem to fix. Your SM is your private business. I can't imagine ever being in a relationship with someone who thinks he has the right to dictate what I do with my instagram account. He is clearly bad at communicating. Again, not your problem to soothe him. Silent treatment is a shitty behaviour for anyone and I would leave him well alone to self-regulate in his own time.

Pancakeflipper · 16/12/2025 12:46

Are there any other reasons why he might be feeling you are 'cutting' him out? Seems an extreme reaction.

Funkytuna · 16/12/2025 12:47

Could he be acting single himself somewhere? Sounds like projection to me.

Gasbox · 16/12/2025 12:50

He clearly doesn't trust you OP and (unless something has happened recently?) it seems unlikely that hasn't shown in his behaviour before now, are there other examples of him being mistrustful or controlling towards you?

MovedlikeHarlowinMonteCarlo · 16/12/2025 12:52

Oh this is pathetic. What a baby.

PInkyStarfish · 16/12/2025 12:52

So despite you rarely posting he has been keeping tabs on the instagram perils and seized upon it the moment you removed some photos.

That alone shows you how obsessive he is.

Anyone that is pathetically immature to not discuss things reasonably and has to give their partner the silent treatment is nothing more than a manipulative prat.

Ehy are your standards so low that you are still with him?

Vaxtable · 16/12/2025 12:54

I would explain once again that you simply don’t want personal photos on your sm hence removing them and can he please stop sulking and grow up

then leave him to it, let him sulk, carry on bright and breezy

then when he is over it and back to ‘normal’ I would have another conversation about how unattractive it is when he behaves like a sulky child and he has to stop

SoLongLuminosity · 16/12/2025 12:56

Why are you even speaking to him to give him the opportunity of one word answers?

It's insane his mind went there.

Literally divorce territory. Who the fuck does he think he is?

Erin1975 · 16/12/2025 13:01

I would say he is being an idiot. The photos are almost irrelevant. I couldn't be with anyone who used "the silent treatment" for 3 days over anything.

But this is Mumsnet. I'll bet if the roles were reversed and someone posted "my husband just deleted all photos of us together from his social media" the forum would be full of people warning you he is having an affair.

Daisy12Maisie · 16/12/2025 13:01

The only person I have a picture of on instagram is my mum. The other pictures are of food or things like hippos!
My partner of 4 years is not on there and neither are my teenage children who I adore but choose not to share pictures of.

I am in no way trying to meet men or appear to be single on instagram…

My partners Facebook page has mainly things relating to his business. I do not feature at all. An old profile picture is visible if you look back through his pictures that shows him with his ex partner about ten years ago. So it’s not his current profile picture but you can see it if you scroll back. I think that is a bit weird/ inappropriate but I have never cared enough to mention it.

Your partner is behaving very strangely. Excessive jealousy is often a sign that the jealous person is cheating.

themerchentofvenus · 16/12/2025 13:21

WTAF!?!

@user1496401067 he is a grown-up and should support your decision not to have photos of your children on social media.

His behaviour is appalling. If my DH behaved like that I'd take the kids and go and stay with my parents, or tell him to pack his bags and leave as you're not willing to put up with his ridiculous behaviour.

If he had a problem with you deleting photos, then as an adult he should have just asked why you'd done it, not spend days refusing to speak.

To be honest this would be relationship over for me. I couldn't be with someone who treated me with so little respect.

Shedeboodinia · 16/12/2025 13:21

My dH deleted all his social media a couple of years ago and then reinstated facebook and decided he was only connecting with 5 people and one of them wasn't me😂as there was no point in connecting with me as he gets updates from me every day. Which I found funny and shrugged and said 'ok, good idea' when he proudly told me he was going all out on privacy.
He has never checked my instagram and occassionally says 'oh do you have an instagram' when he reads something about instagram.
He doesnt even look on my facebook and I don't look in his. Whats the point
We are similar age to you.
Your DH is being very, very pathetic.

ChristmasinBrighton · 16/12/2025 13:24

He’s a pathetic specimen isn’t he?

RosaMundi27 · 16/12/2025 13:28

He sounds absolutely insane tbh. He's clearly been regularly monitoring a sm profile that you rarely post on... what other parts of your life is he trying to control?

Dreamin4685 · 16/12/2025 13:33

Echo what everyone else has said. Silent treatment is ridiculous for any issue to be honest. Fine to have a little bit of quiet space before talking things out, but emotionally intelligent people ultimately communicate their issues and sort disagreements out rather than punishing the other with silence.

on this particular issue I can’t see why he has a problem. I’m also way more conscious about what I post of myself on line these days and I did something similar to what you have done . My husband didn’t care at all

somanychristmaslights · 16/12/2025 13:42

I would say this isn’t a one off thought for him. Does he feel distrusting of you, and then this is another example for him and it’s tipped him over? Not saying you have, just putting another perspective out there

Gentlydoesit2 · 16/12/2025 14:00

Projection. You've done nothing wrong

BillieWiper · 16/12/2025 14:04

How utterly pathetic. You can display as many pictures of whatever you like on some SM site. Or none at all like people used to back in the day. Nobody died because they couldn't look at strangers or distant random's photographs.

Tell him to grow up. In fact I'd be seeing him in a totally skewed and negative light to the point I'd question staying with him. Unless he realised and acknowledged what a dick he was being and profusely apologised.

Dolallytats · 16/12/2025 14:04

This is such a non issue. I'd be wondering what the real issue is

noidea69 · 16/12/2025 14:24

Erin1975 · 16/12/2025 13:01

I would say he is being an idiot. The photos are almost irrelevant. I couldn't be with anyone who used "the silent treatment" for 3 days over anything.

But this is Mumsnet. I'll bet if the roles were reversed and someone posted "my husband just deleted all photos of us together from his social media" the forum would be full of people warning you he is having an affair.

100% this, if he did the assumption would be that he is having an affair and he doesnt want affair partner to know that he is actually married.

Endofyear · 16/12/2025 14:26

This behaviour from him, on the face of it, is completely unreasonable. Is he generally possessive, jealous and mistrustful of you? Is there any sort of backstory of unfaithfulness? Is he controlling in the relationship? You did nothing wrong by deleting a few photographs from your social media and it wouldn't even occur to me to discuss with DH before doing it. He's not interested in social media anyway and has no idea about what I post or don't post. I think it's indicative of deeper problems if your DH is angry about this.

Theslummymummy · 16/12/2025 14:53

If its only close family and friends why the need to delete and why put them on to begin with?

Pepperedpickles · 16/12/2025 14:56

Theslummymummy · 16/12/2025 14:53

If its only close family and friends why the need to delete and why put them on to begin with?

This. But yes he’s an absolute arse.

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