Hubby xmas present

[KeenAmberHare]

so I want opinions- I am in the middle of a fight with my husband re xmas pressies. I have been pulling together gifts for my family (mum, dad, siblings) and his lot plus gifts for him. I have co-ordinated most of the gifts, matching PJs, done the wrapping and organised the food. He has done little. for context, this is the first year my family and I are financially stable to do a nice holiday with gifts since we were kids so we have agreed to make an effort. Most years we didn’t even celebrate as my parents couldn’t afford it. He comes from a family situation where there was always money.

Today when he came home he let slip the gift he got me is a photo album of our honeymoon - this is a nice idea but I can’t help but feel disappointed. I had already printed a bunch of pictures and stated pulling together an album but he just made an online album plus got me a cook book (I’m veggie and there are 4 non meat recipes). I’ve always been weird about gift giving. I know i am particularly good at it as I do a lot of research for example his gift is a fairly expensive watch but the model is named after a place in London where we live and is exactly the style he’s been after but never found. My gift on the other hand doesn’t feel that special, and is more a general gift not something I will use day to day like his. I have the mentality that I’d rather not be given a gift at all than have a bad one - had it been refundable I would have made him return it but now I’m stuck.

bear in mind I’ve always gotten everyone funny stocking gifts and cosy jumpers for the day and no one else has made an effort. I just feel disappointed that my husband has gotten me 2 very not Special gifts. Thoughts ?

The photo album is very thoughtful and he must have spent time choosing pictures and putting it together even though it's online. The cook book doesn't sound ideal though given that there's only a few suitable recipes.

I’m more shocked that you know exactly what he got you! Gifts are meant to be surprises!

perhaps @KeenAmberHare has a higher bar @Eenameenadeeka

Easy options from your husband Keen, when you put so much thought into your gift giving, it does sting when it appears zero effort has been made.

Some people are natural gift givers, others are not, and they seem to marry each other!

I shop for everyone (including myself, since our money is completely pooled and limited, I've already found exactly what I want within budget so I might as well order it), OH yays or nays on my ideas for the kids and his dad.

He does all the cooking, the washing, and most of the cleaning, far more around the house than me. We play to our strengths, he's good at remembering day to day shit that needs doing, I'm better at pulling it out of the bag at birthdays and Christmas and running the business.

I'm sure yours is likely brilliant in other areas? Next year send him a list with loose suggestions if you want a surprise, or specifics if you'd rather get exactly what you want. He has made an effort he's just fell short and if this is the first year of you really doing presents maybe he has no clue what direction to go

Chill. You're an adult.

Two things to consider. One you clearly value gift giving as very important and picking the right gift as vital. He may not. He might be just poor at it or lazy or because he's come from a more wealthy background things that were needed or even treats were bought then and there during the year and not saved to specific days.
Secondly, some people don't consider Christmas and birthdays as being that important to spend a fortune on. It's my birthday tomorrow in fact and I don't tell anyone, don't really want a present and definitely don't want cards....it's not important to me.
You perhaps need to have a conversation with him and agree what you find important.

You're buying everyone jumpers? And matching PJs? Do these people want them? That seems like a lot of wasteful nonsense to me. Christmas is about being together, not throwing money at gifts.

I think the problem is as much that you've gone way over the top rather than he's 'not made an effort'.

Many people would rather just relax and enjoy the day and time off work rather than all the excess of matching PJs and cosy jumpers.

A photo album of honeymoon pics is very thoughtful and I can see why he thought it a special gift

Do you like cooking? Maybe the cookbook was thoughtful if its related to something you love but he didn't flick through it to look at the recipes?

Also, you think funny stocking gifts and cosy jumpers are a good, thoughtful gift...you only need to read a long thread on here (think its called "what is a thoughtful gift") to learn that its massively subjective to the receiver as to whether they enjoy something like that, even if you love giving it and think its a thoughtful gift, they may not

Your approach is massively OTT to me. There's no way I could match that kind of energy and I wouldn't feel I needed to. If you genuinely enjoy all of that flim-flammery then do it for its own sake. Your DH's presents sound fine.

Do his family really appreciate all of that extra? I'd find it excruciating.

How long have you been married? If it’s around a year then the honeymoon photos make sense as a present, as they are more recent. Maybe spending less money makes sense to a younger couple if saving. Also, ask him if he has a receipt for the cookbook and swap it for a more suitable one.

Maybe time to change it next round. If you know he’s average at gift-giving then don’t start your married life doing all the extra hard work racing around with presents for his family members too if he hardly puts effort. You set up a pattern for years to come.

My DH isn’t a big shopper but we have a conversation about presents for everyone we are buying for and we also agree to a budget for them and us and a present limit (main gift and stocking items).

Not everyone is a good gift-giver unfortunately.

I love giving thoughtful gifts - but I'm not over-burdened with money, so I have to choose very carefully, and give it a lot of thought.
My sister is also a good gift-giver.

My mum however, is hopeless. She'll ask you what you want, and get you exactly that. She would never really sit and think "what do I know Zingally likes?" and spend time finding something "me".
However, I forgive it because she's endlessly kind and thoughtful in other ways.

You sound rather ungrateful and also that your present priorities are a bit odd. Creating a photo album (even on line) of honeymoon photos, requires a lot of time and effort and thought. Certainly far more than bulk buying crappy matching PJs and some ‘one day’ Christmas jumpers (so naff and such a waste).

You seem far more worried about having something you can use on the day or regularly than having a gift that is unique to you and him and took him time and effort to put together.

The cook book perhaps, as it lacks many veggie options, but maybe it’s a chef or restaurant or cuisine you like?

You're giving 110%* and he's giving 5%
You can make those online albums in 5 minutes, really.

(*yes I know, but it's for the purpose of comparison)

My gift to you is please make your own wish list! Married 26 years here and honestly every year i do a list as does dh. I love him dearly but he really would not have a clue so this works for us. He does do little gifts like favourite chocolate etc but by giving each other a list we take the stress away and actually get what we both would like.

Well, aren’t you the joy fairy? Christmas is about giving generously, not counting up what you got in return.