Cancelling Christmas plans - Infant and RSV

[AlertOpalCrab]

We’re due to spend Christmas at my in-laws. MIL is very excited as it’s the first Christmas with two grand babies and by all accounts has gone slightly over the top with things. SIL’s 8 month old DC has just come down with RSV. Had a quick hospital trip but thankfully seems to be recovering. My husband and I are very hesitant to have our 4 month old exposed to another infant with known RSV. AIBU to cancel?

It is another 10 days til xmas

Op is it contagious ,how long does it take to clear ?
Does mil ventilate the house ?

Christmas isn’t until next week?

I probably wouldn’t cancel, no (and I have 2 kids who often end up in hospital with respiratory bugs).
It’s still 10 days away and hopefully SIL’s little one will be better by then. Most kids do get RSV within their first 2 years.

Did you have the vaccine in pregnancy?

NHS website says most people are contagious 3-8 days including 1-2 before even showing symptoms. So by that, it should be OK. I guess just see how DN is as the day approaches, if he's still poorly then best to stay away and wouldn't be great for him either.

My main concern was reading that some infants can be contagious for up to 4 weeks. Appreciate most children will catch RSV before the age of 2 but feel there’s quite a difference in a 4 month old with immature immunity and a 12+ month old at nursery bringing home a new bug every week.

DH mentioned this to MIL on the weekend and got told we’re “being ridiculous”

Yes I think you’re being a bit ridiculous. There’s a long way to go between now and Christmas. Babies get sick quickly (so dramatic!) but also recover quickly. This time next week there’ll be nothing to see.

I wouldn't be worrying about the baby as they won't be infectious by Christmas, however id keep an eye on anyone else getting sick who has been with the baby and then passing it on to your little one.

Are you doing other things with your 4 month old like going to baby groups or taking her to the shops or seeing other friends? I mean to be honest I had no idea until just now that RSV can be infectious after the symptoms have cleared. I f I didn't know, then I'm guess many people don't which means there will be a lot of people in these places with potentially residual infection. If you don't keep your baby basically out of indoor public spaces over the winter months, then there's no real point keeping her away from her cousin.

Honestly, it’s the sort of decision that puts subtle rifts in families.

Your baby will be fine. Relationships are precious.

Not doing baby groups but do go to the shops etc. Although this feels like a bit of a misleading comparison. A 10-20 min shop where you might pass someone at a distance who’s ill isn’t the same risk profile as a known infection in a family home for several hours where both babies will be on the floor, in close contact and passed between adults

The best advice I can give is don’t come on here hoping for validation about being uncomfortable with going as there will be people who wouldn’t think twice about it and people (like me) who would also be worried. You can’t change what level of risk you’re inherently comfortable or uncomfortable with. If I was in your shoes the first thing I’d have done is try to work out how likely it is that cousin could pass it on after that many days. You’ve done that and found something (that presumably you think is reliable) saying that he might be. Only you can decide what to do with that info, but the best thing you can do is go with your own instinct and that’s probably the best parenting advice I ever got - and wish I’d had the confidence to follow more when my first was a baby. I worried about other people’s opinions about the decisions I made and wish I hadn’t.

side note - if MIL’s first reaction was to call you both ridiculous, I wouldn’t be too fussed about how she felt if I didn’t go.

@AlertOpalCrab I am surprised at the responses. UANBU. My dd caught RSV at 3 months because it was winter, when RSV is common and it must have been a stranger or someone didn’t know they had it. She was so so sick. The only reason they didn’t put her in the hospital was because my husband was a respiratory therapist and I was a nurse. We gave her breathing treatments etc. at home. I would keep my 4 month old at home til the season is over. I feel so bad for your mil truly but it is what it is. Do babies get rsv vaccines because that would be a game changer.

I spoke to a Doctor when my newborn had a respiratory infection and actually he said they retain their mother’s immunity until they are six months old. It’s after they are 6 months old that they worry more about their immune systems being able to fight it off.

I would still go, 10 days from now the other child will likely be fine and not contagious. You can keep a 4 month old apart quite easily too.

I would see how things go regarding others being unwell.
My eldest was just off nursery with a cold, slightly elevated temperature and a cough.
fast forward 1 week and my 5 month old now has Bronchiolitis. I’m writing this whilst trying to keep myself awake and holding him as he won’t settle. I’ve been avoiding parent and toddlers group with him recently as I was scared he’d pick something up.