I think I’m the unreasonable one?

Bankquestions · 2025-12-15T21:35:28+00:00

I’ve looked after the toddler all day- met all his demands and my eldest and the pets. Made tea, house tidy and put the kids to bed. DH has been at work all day- came home had tea I’d made and sat watching telly. After I put the baby to bed I went to sit down and spend time with him and he asked me to get him a drink. I just stared at him - why couldn’t he? He’s just sat watching telly. It was the first sit down I’ve had all day without people always asking me to get them things. I feel im seen as a slave- if I wanted a drink I would just get one myself - I wouldn’t ask him to get up and get me one. think I’m being prickly . I have now walked off and gone upstairs so I get a rest without being asked to get up again.

Mooninjune · 15/12/2025 22:16

What did you say to him OP?

I hope you told him that you are not his slave.

TheCosyViewer · 15/12/2025 22:17

Please tell me you didn’t get the drink for him ?

CalculatingCrispen · 15/12/2025 22:20

I think you have missed out the most important bit -

Your response to him (beyond "staring at him")

Overthebow · 15/12/2025 22:20

What did you say when he asked you? You

Original poster

Bankquestions · 15/12/2025 22:29

I went and got the drink a bit huffy and then passed it over and walked upstairs. Granted I could have used my words but I feel pissed off. Maybe im unkind and not loving- I don’t get why you’d ask someone to get you something . I don’t mind at all if im in the kitchen or im getting something but i find it odd to ask someone to get up when you’re perfectly capable of getting up . So we’ve not spent this evening together as I don’t just want to serve people non stop

OP posts:

LeavesOnTrees · 15/12/2025 22:33

I don't think my DH would dare. Unless he had a broken leg, or something.

You need to practise your scary look. No words needed.

TheCosyViewer · 15/12/2025 22:33

You didn’t have to serve him, a simple no or get it yourself would have sufficed.

shellyleppard · 15/12/2025 22:34

@Bankquestions i would have asked him if his hands still worked....or told him to get up and get it himself!!!

FuzzyWolf · 15/12/2025 22:37

How is he supposed to know (and know for the future) it pisses you off if you don’t him.

JudgeBread · 15/12/2025 22:38

If you keep serving him he'll keep expecting you to serve him.

ChristmasHug · 15/12/2025 22:40

Wtf are you getting him a drink for? Fair enough if he heard you boiling the kettle or opening a bottle of wine but not when you walk into a room.

I firmly believe couples should have an equal amount of leisure time. It doesn't sound like you do? Does he do any parenting?

CharlieEffie · 15/12/2025 22:42

You are unreasonable because you got it from him
Use your words, no is a complete sentence

ForZanyAquaViewer · 15/12/2025 22:50

Bankquestions · 15/12/2025 22:29

I went and got the drink a bit huffy and then passed it over and walked upstairs. Granted I could have used my words but I feel pissed off. Maybe im unkind and not loving- I don’t get why you’d ask someone to get you something . I don’t mind at all if im in the kitchen or im getting something but i find it odd to ask someone to get up when you’re perfectly capable of getting up . So we’ve not spent this evening together as I don’t just want to serve people non stop

I cannot believe you actually got him a drink AND didn’t say anything.

If you don’t want be treated like a skivvy, then stop accepting being treated like a skivvy.

CalculatingCrispen · 15/12/2025 22:57

Well that's HIM told 🙄you did as he bid, gave him "a stare" and huffed upstairs leaving him happily watching what he wanted with his drink 😂

Original poster

Bankquestions · 15/12/2025 22:59

Yes fair enough- but I’m wanting to check is this not normal married behaviour? To ask the other to get up and do stuff they are capable off? I’m from a house that did this but the older I have got the more I find it bizzare. MIL served her husband his food still and if she doesn’t offer him condiments he just doesn’t have them (they will be sat laid out of the table and he could get them) I find that so fricking archaic and weird

OP posts:

Lucytheloose · 15/12/2025 23:02

YABU-assuming your DH has no arms or legs.

203percent · 15/12/2025 23:05

"This is the first time I've sat down all day Dave. You'll have to get your own, and can I have one while you're there?"

Is the only reasonable response.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 15/12/2025 23:18

Only time that would be acceptable in our house would be -

if one of you was ill and feeling pretty crap
if one of you was up near the kitchen or getting themselves a drink anyway

Otherwise there would be a 'what did your last slave die of' type comment

CalculatingCrispen · 15/12/2025 23:26

MIL served her husband his food still and if she doesn’t offer him condiments he just doesn’t have them (they will be sat laid out of the table and he could get them) I find that so fricking archaic and weird

Change "food" to "drink" and that is exactly what you have just done - so it can't be that archaic and weird to you

LovedFedAndNoonesDead · 15/12/2025 23:30

Bankquestions · 15/12/2025 22:29

I went and got the drink a bit huffy and then passed it over and walked upstairs. Granted I could have used my words but I feel pissed off. Maybe im unkind and not loving- I don’t get why you’d ask someone to get you something . I don’t mind at all if im in the kitchen or im getting something but i find it odd to ask someone to get up when you’re perfectly capable of getting up . So we’ve not spent this evening together as I don’t just want to serve people non stop

He won’t learn any sort of lesson from tonight because he got what he wanted - and, with you leaving the room to go upstairs, he’s got peace and freedom to watch whatever he wants on tv without being considerate of what you might want to watch!!

Eyeshadow · 15/12/2025 23:31

I’m wanting to check is this not normal married behaviour? To ask the other to get up and do stuff they are capable off?

No it’s not normal.

If someone is already up, then it’s ok to ask - I even ask my DC to hand me something or bring something in for me.

But I definitely wouldn’t ask someone if they were sat down.

Nor would I ask them to do something that required effort - a can of drink or glass of water is fine, a cup of tea or sandwich is not fine unless you’re already making it for yourself.

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 15/12/2025 23:32

YABU to have got him a drink. He should have been told sharpish to get himself one