is my husband wrong here?

[coolwife]

My husband has just said that I was 'too much' in a recent date with (his) friends. He means politically: we were discussing the media representation of Israel. It's fine that we disagree - that's not the point. Am I being unreasonable to ask him to respect my opinion? The substance of this conversation is irrelevant: the point is more important.

His wording makes me wonder whether it’s the way you were saying it rather than what you were saying, but it’s impossible for anyone to answer your question based on the information given.

Maybe the vibe with his mates is not very political and you didn't pick up on it

We can't possibly judge if you were 'too much' without knowing the content of the conversation.

YANBU to ask him to respect your opinion...but that doesn't answer whether or not he was wrong to say you were 'too much' in the conversation with his friends.

Depends on your tone. If you yelled or swore or anything yes it would be too much.

If you politely (or even passionately!) disagreed then yeah he’s the unreasonable one

Don’t know: did you have a rant?

At a meeting with friends for lunch, I would consider anyone who makes more than a passing comment on politics "too much".

For me, a lunch catch up is supposed to be fun and lighthearted, it's not the time for heavy political debate.

Same with any potentially potential topic like religion, abortion etc where there are many devisive and divergent viewpoints.

It depends. If you are arguing and hammering your ideas down their throats then it probably is ‘too much’.

Depends.

Were you loud, confrontational and aggressive?

Or is your husband one of those people who automatically tries to shut down any animation shown by a human female?

Do not talk about politics with casual friends. It’s just always going to explode with different passionate views and be a total disaster.

He isn’t disrespecting your opinion, he is talking about how you put that opinion across.

Impossible to know . It's fine to be r different opinions but some people just insist or bring right as opposed to agreeing to differ, it can be very wearing.

Couple years ago we went for dinner - me, my husband, and our quite close friends. There was another person invited, it was someone we knew through business.
after few wines she proceed on talking very loudly and aggressively about Russia-Ukraine situation… it was quite expensive restaurant, we KNEW we are surrounded by Russians. Me and my husband didn’t know where to look and I just wanted to hide under the table 😵‍💫😵‍💫 it wasn’t what she was saying but how she was saying it… it was simply embarrassing 🙈 god knows what our guest was thinking as he knew both our husbands but not us (the wifes) 😬

It sounds like it’s more your delivery than your opinions that have caused the issue. I think it’s ok for your husband to tell you you’re coming across as ‘too much’. Sometimes we can get really animated about political issues without knowing it.

Agree with everyone, impossible for us to say. But I know on Israel/Palestine, my DH easily becomes ‘too much’, in company and even (especially?) when only us. And I will tell him that he is too much!!I don’t think that’s disrespecting his opinion, in fact I think it’s particularly disrespectful for him to rant on with little cognisance of what the experience is like for the other person.

Honestly it sounds like you've ignored hints to move on and change the subject. I'm quite interested in politics but I absolutely don't want a heavy political debate over lunch. However, some people are quite performative with their views and enjoy feeling they're right. It's incredibly tedious.

If someone told me I was 'too much' in a conversation, I would take that to mean I was too loud or obnoxious in expressing my opinion/didn't take cues to change the conversation/repeatedly expressed my opinion/took over the conversation.

In address your points:

Am I being unreasonable to ask him to respect my opinion? Him telling you that you were 'too much' isn't disrespectful of your opinion.

The substance of this conversation is irrelevant: the point is more important. No that's not true, both are important. Plus the manner of delivery matters too and I think it's this issue which he is raising with you.

Have you asked him to explain what he means by 'too much'? Did the conversation ruin the mood?

DH does this, he is unable to make small talk or chat, every conversation is about politics or economics or similar. I have asked him many many times not to do it and we even have a safe word but he just can't help it and can't read clues when people want him to shut up.
Drives me nuts - we met a lady we vaguely know while walking the dog yesterday and she was treated to a lecture on Greek economic policy pre Covid

I think there's a time and place for airing strong views, and a light social evening with friends is probably not it. It can seem rather intense and dogmatic if you speak stridently and at length on a subject. At best people can feel lectured, and if they disagree with you, uncomfortable.

I would agree with others that at a casual social event political conversation would be ‘too much.’ I want to go out and have fun!! There is a time and a place for this type of discussion.

They weren’t even your friends they were your DH’s - he is telling you clearly that you didn’t read the room!!

Too much generally means someone’s behaviour rather than their opinion. An opinion can be expressed without going on too much, or being ott. And be able to hear the other sides perspective.

so I’d also assume it was your behaviour.

Best to avoid politics particularly if you don’t know them well. It can be really tiresome on a night out when just trying to enjoy themselves. Maybe just filter yourself a wee bit in future.

"Too much" is nothing to do with your opinion, it's all about how you express it. He can respect your opinion, but if you're ramming it down people's throats, that can be too much.