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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed partner took a loan out without telling me, again!

8 replies

LolNotFunny · 15/12/2025 18:54

My partner took a loan out several months ago and didn’t tell me which pissed me off but it was to consolidate a load of smaller debts so I was like ok. I have just found out that he has done it again and I only found out because he said he was going to spend more on me for Christmas and to forget about some money I owed him so I outright asked him and he admitted it. I am really annoyed that he has done this again and not discussed it with me especially given what I told him the last time he did it. To complicate matters further he has complex PTSD which I am really struggling with and he views everything as a criticism so I can’t say anything to him. When I got back from work he asked me what was wrong and I just looked at him as if to say well obviously the loan you took out and he just turns it around to say I’m going to set him PTSD off etc. Basically I’m the bad guy, he is in the wrong but I’m the bad guy. I feel exhausted with this and the loan situation has really just made me feel like he doesn’t value me enough to talk to me.

OP posts:
Lucyccfc68 · 15/12/2025 18:57

If he regularly uses his PTSD as a reason not to discuss anything or as an excuse for his poor behaviour, then I’d be getting rid.

Notsuchafattynow · 15/12/2025 18:58

Do you need to stay with him?

He is making bad financial choices and then hiding behind a medical condition when you call him out.

shellyleppard · 15/12/2025 18:58

Who's name is the loan in?? If its his name I would make sure he's the one to repay it. If he's taken it out in your name could you contact the company and explain? So you don't end up with all the debt?

outerspacepotato · 15/12/2025 19:03

So he uses his c PTSD as a reason to not discuss financial issues and his taking out loans. He sounds financially incompetent as well as using mental illness to avoid hard questions and discussions.

Do you make enough money that you want to support his ass? Do you want to pay off his loans while he borrows more to spend more?

Time to go if the answer to those is no.

MrsMoastyToasty · 15/12/2025 19:16

What us he spending it on ? Gambling? Porn? Alcohol ? Prostitutes? Or does he actually have goods he's bought to show for it?

LolNotFunny · 15/12/2025 19:18

It was to clear the credit card. He isn’t spending it recklessly (that I know of) but god I just can’t cope.

OP posts:
ChristmasinBrighton · 15/12/2025 19:22

Do you live together? Have DC? I have read a few horror stories on here which all start like your OP…

LolNotFunny · 15/12/2025 19:33

ChristmasinBrighton · 15/12/2025 19:22

Do you live together? Have DC? I have read a few horror stories on here which all start like your OP…

We live together and have a 3 year old. If it were just me I would leave.

OP posts:
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