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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lateness

17 replies

MamaC90 · 15/12/2025 09:24

We had a get together for my childs birthday with my inlaws, we were meeting the family members with children at 11.00 then family members without were arriving at 12.00 everyone arrived on time give or take 10mins, except my childs grandparent who arrived 90mins late then left with everyone within an hour. She probably lives the closest than everyone else too.
Aibu in having an issue and thinking its a huge let down to not only everyone who turned up on time but to my child who she was suppose to see. She does have grandchildren with her daughter who she turns up for throughout the week and turns up on time for them.
Im just wondering if anyone else would feel its disrespect and its not even trying to be hidden.

OP posts:
ByQuaintAzureWasp · 15/12/2025 09:38

How old are the grandparents?

Original poster
MamaC90 · 15/12/2025 09:40

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 15/12/2025 09:38

How old are the grandparents?

Early 50s

OP posts:
dontmalbeconme · 15/12/2025 09:46

It's rude to be late, but I think it's also rude to give people different arrival times. It sounds like they were only welcome for half the party? Maybe they misinterpreted that as a "drop in" rather than a fixed arrival time since they weren't invited to it all.

In any case, the did turn up and your DC did get to see them, so no harm done. Don't make an unnecessary drama out of it.

Original poster
MamaC90 · 15/12/2025 10:02

dontmalbeconme · 15/12/2025 09:46

It's rude to be late, but I think it's also rude to give people different arrival times. It sounds like they were only welcome for half the party? Maybe they misinterpreted that as a "drop in" rather than a fixed arrival time since they weren't invited to it all.

In any case, the did turn up and your DC did get to see them, so no harm done. Don't make an unnecessary drama out of it.

I didnt organise the meeting up times.
It was discussed between themselves in messages and they all agreed on the arrival time of 12.00 (except the families with children which was 11.00)
It would be unfair for the people without children to sit around the park getting cold watching for an hour before going back to ours for the gifts. If they wanted to join in the park before they could have.
But then they still arrived at our house at 13.30.
Im not after making drama im just after opinions from people outside the circle and thankyou for giving me yours.

OP posts:
FirTreeHeaven · 15/12/2025 10:11

Why was she so late?

Original poster
MamaC90 · 15/12/2025 10:22

FirTreeHeaven · 15/12/2025 10:11

Why was she so late?

There was no explanation from her, no apologies or reasoning given

OP posts:
stealthninjamum · 15/12/2025 10:25

it is rude especially if she didn’t apologise or justify her behaviour. But if your partner / husband isn’t bothered it’s probably one of those things you have to tolerate.

FirTreeHeaven · 15/12/2025 10:27

MamaC90 · 15/12/2025 10:22

There was no explanation from her, no apologies or reasoning given

Show quote history

That's weird. Why didn't someone ask?

Are people a bit in her thrall? Or do they just not care?

In my experience if people are late it's either because they have a problem (which they then explain to everyone) or they didn't want to be there in the first place.

Perhaps this woman genuinely didn't know what was required of her time wise.

mazedasamarchhare · 15/12/2025 10:27

I assume she’s your mum in law? Is she always late, or was that a one off? Did she apologise for being late?
if she’s constantly late, maybe her son could have a word, if it was a one off maybe something untoward had happened before hand, but she didn’t want to ruin your kids party by making it all about her and some drama which caused her lateness.
she might have just got confused or the date mixed and then thought ‘oh crap, I’ve screwed up the date/ time, I’ll just have to brazen it out!’ If it’s a one off just check everything is okay, if it’s persistent maybe it’s because she is close to you distant wise, she thinks she’s got more time to do stuff than she really has. I mean possibly she doesn’t like you or her grandchild, but I thinks there is more likely to be a benign reason.

PatThePenguin · 15/12/2025 10:32

It's weird she didn't say why she was late and weirder that no-one was concerned enough to ask.

Or to even phone her and make sure she was ok.

LlynTegid · 15/12/2025 10:34

I agree with you OP. I abhor lateness. Even worse if it is someone who can be on time when they want to be.

Original poster
MamaC90 · 15/12/2025 10:41

FirTreeHeaven · 15/12/2025 10:27

That's weird. Why didn't someone ask?

Are people a bit in her thrall? Or do they just not care?

In my experience if people are late it's either because they have a problem (which they then explain to everyone) or they didn't want to be there in the first place.

Perhaps this woman genuinely didn't know what was required of her time wise.

Show quote history

If something had happened id have thought she'd phone her son and say im running late because this or that happened but she didnt...
I dont talk to her, I have in the past brought up problems and she wasnt happy about that and dragged the rest of her family into our disagreement. As an outsider to that family everyone goes along and keeps her happy, so no one ever questions her ever!.
I try and keep things pleasant with everyone but I avoided her to stop any arguing with children there.
They had a group chat set up and everyone agreed with the children meeting to play in the park at 11 which happened and the other time 12 so people without children or older didnt have to be out in the cold and just met us at our house which everyone turned up on time except the 1 person who was 90 mins late and stayed no more than an hour.

OP posts:
Didimum · 15/12/2025 10:42

So it's your husband's mum? Just get him to talk to her.

LucieLemon · 15/12/2025 10:43

Did she view it as a more casual drop along as opposed to a formal party invite?

ThatCleverCoralCrow · 15/12/2025 13:08

I hate lateness tbh but not enough to make anything out of it. My view is if people are continuously hours late they don't really want to be there, and I don't expect much from those people.

JHound · 15/12/2025 13:21

This sounds ridiculously anal.
If it’s just a gathering at home why don’t they need different times?

They probably just read it as a casual drop in . I would.

77Fee · 15/12/2025 13:36

So you are admitting you don't talk to her, maybe that's why she came late, to avoid the awkwardness.

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